"Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!"-Steven Wright

An article on Mr. Deadpan himself.

Link via Tanya ;)

Cream Filled Fives

Relying on Friday Five to incite my creativity on Friday mornings has been futile as of late. So, this week I give you Fives of whatever is on my flogged down mind for the moment.

1.) Where the hell did Suzy Q's go??? This is critical people. This week has been anything but fun and all I wanted from the world yesterday evening were two pieces of fudgy cake filled with sugary, fluffy cream. So what if they have 230 Calories and 9 grams of fat, so what if that means 1 hour solid on the bike from hell, Suzy Q's make all the bad things go away, if only momentarily and I've searched two grocery stores and two drug stores. Do NOT deny a Cupie her Suzy Q sugar coma.

2.) Medals vs. Ribbons A medal is usually made of metal, a ribbon is fabric. The rederick is getting out of control. Both candidates need to get the fuck out of the past (my mantra for the week) and sit down focus on today's topic's and have a nice Suzy Q with some coffee.

3.) I've hung some colorful summer lantern lights on my patio and various suns and moons. It looks cool with my tree and the new Japanese Maple that mudda nature gave me. I should celebrate my good fortune and the gifts from Mother Nature with a Suzy Q and a nice decaf, non-fat mocha, yeah its not any different than swilling down Diet Coke with Potato Chips, but a celebration must be had....*sigh*

4.) The Mariner's need some serious bitchslapping, this is a seriously depressing season for the boys of summer and damn if that doesn't make me hunger for a God Damned Suzy Q!!!

5.) I am weak for my want of Suzy Q's....oh yeah, I was spewing.....hmmmm....where was I? Right, um...I recently heard on the news the we pay more for our groceries here in Washington than anywhere else in the states? That means Suzy Q's, when you can find them, are cheaper elsewhere, the horror.

Feed me Seymour!

The Price of Tea in China, See the Cat? See the Cradle?

"People are always blaming their circumstances for what they
are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on
in this world are the people who get up and look for the
circumstances they want, and if they can't find them, make
them."

George Bernard Shaw

I do believe that my sinuses just might explode today, be afraid, this nose is loaded, ow. =P

To the crazy lady who covered her address with duct tape on her license because she's a Christian and didn't want those 'cultist dark skins'' at the 7-11 to write her address down anymore. Get over your paranoid self. I asked her to use cash in my store from here on out and I asked her oh so politely not to divulge her hate in my presence, tyvm. :D

To Matt an employee from 7 years ago who came into the bookstore to say thank you to me for making him see that it was books he wanted to sell and thanks for giving him guidance when he felt he was lost. Thank You, for saying thanks. Okay, granted he has blue and black braids and he's pierced everything on his body, you could stick a damn redwood tree through the holes in his ears and the hook he wears around his neck is part of the Charlie Rose type freak show he works at in his spare time is alarming, but the dude is following his bliss, he seems like a wonderful grounded young fella, he's traveled, he's made amends with his past and he loves his job at Half Priced Books and came in and said thanks. It's the small thing people.

I finally finished Vonnegut's Cat's Cradle, I enjoyed it, it was classic Vonnegut, great story telling that starts off on the straight and narrow when all of the sudden the BAM! Your in an apocalyptic synthetic frozen afterworld. The local crazy lady (one of many, apparently) asked what I was reading I told her and she asked what it was about, "Well, its about the one of the makers of the A-bomb" I tell her, she looks at me alarmed and then says, "what is the A-bomb?", I stare at her dumbfounded and explain the bomb and remind her of Hiroshima. She responds with "Ah yes....well, I hope it has a good ending", alrighty.

"See the Cat, see the Cradle", we make things that don't make sense, we say things that don't make sense. Some of these things destroy us and some of these things are games. We make up religions when none suit our beliefs and throughout the books Bokonon (translates to Johnson) is the religion, pratical, pragmatic and ridiculous, not unlike life. Another great book, another massive mind fuck, thanks Mr. Vonnegut.

Aye Carumba with just a dash of Idol Oy!

I'm not a big fan of Gloria Estafan, nor am I a fan of other people singing her songs. They're nice songs and all, but nice in a way you tap your foot when listening to Muzak in an elevator. All the performances were lackluster, but it looked like George and Fantasia had fun and the cute little red head John will most likely make his way back to the High School Choir room tomorrow. The top 3, if people vote with their right minds it will be George, LaToya, and Fantasia. Last nights American Idol episode bored me, I don't feel that the bullshit behind the rascism charges won't stand, people like who they like and like I said the top are black, but out of the last three top 6 last year had the best sampling of talent, the first year it was all about Kelly and Justion albeit cute is struggling to make a career. And this year, well its just short of a High School talent show but still somewhat entertaining.

My mood for the past few days has and can only be alleviated by the simple joys of Get Fuzzy cartoons. If I were a cat I'd be Bucky (smart assed and obstinate), If I were a dog I would love to be Satchel (blissfully ignorant, charmingly obedient), they are the ying and yang of dog and cat and they've brought me out pissy moods time and time again. So a big shout out to Darby Conley for making me laugh when I didn't think I could.

The Blustery weather took out my power yesterday, the power went on and off for over 5 minutes, lol....it sucked, the freaky little light show was nifty but what sucked was that I couldn't bring my computer back to life until this morning. It just didn't want to work and I think the events of yesterday's storm overwhelmed the little piece of shit, but all seems well now. Now that its working this early morning my mood is even more somber now that God threw yet another punch via email, but I send my prayers and good vibes to what has yet to be created and my love goes to the creators.

"The pursuit of beauty is honorable," -Estee Lauder

Estée Lauder, Pursuer of Beauty and Cosmetics Titan, Dies at 97. You've got to accentuate the positive, not cut it up and make it different. Thanks for making the Cupie stink a more delightful experience, RIP.

Reading is fundamental, and sometimes makes ya mental, not that I'm crazy or anything....mmmkay...

My favorite book that I read this month was by far David Sedaris' Dress Your Family in Cordurory and Denim. Mr. Sedaris does it again in this new collection of essays. I laughed out loud time after time. In the story "The Girl Next Door", David is living in a less then respectable neighborhood (he's frugle, not cheap) and befriends a little girl who lives next door, trouble ensues and he has to deal with the little girls mother and ultimately has to rely on his own sass mistress mother to bail him out of the hysterical scenario. The Rooster, David's brother, makes another appearance here. He is older, with a dick-do stomach, "you know, its when yer stomach sticks out farther than yor dick do".... The Rooster gets married this time around and we see signs of maturity with the birth of his daughter. Also, we finally meet David's older type A sister, and his younger eccentric and slightly mad sister and there is a wonderful story of the summer house that wasn't. I highly recommend you all buy this title on it release in early June.

Cool children's titles this month are the sequel to Walter the Farting, Walter the Farting Dog Saves the Yard Sale. And from the illustrator of the Lemony Snicket's Series Of Unfortunate Events series is the new picture book Roger The Jolly Pirate, a funny tale of how the dreaded pirate flag of the skull and cross bones came to be.

Reference book du jour--Eat, Shoots, & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation. I am certain you will all thank me later for this purchase.

And finally, I purchased Jennifer Government by Maxx Barry of Syrup fame. I think this will be the first pick for the Pie & Cupie book club with discussions to be in late May, so get your copy soon.

In Closing....

Jennifer Hudson, idol reject? Silly foos with your damn redial shit.....the little boy with red hair should have gone, nice guy, yes...charisma, no.

I spent the morning with my sis-in-law, gorgeous niece, and uber cool nephew....we ate an early lunch and proceeded to Trader Joe's for exotic forms of food, beer, organic banana's, tomatoes and rose scented herbal soap. A good time was had by all. My afternoon was spent defying my aging with a dye job and taking pictures of the crap cool stuff I'm going to sell on ebay.

My mother spent some time on my site today and stated that I'm brilliant (I'd have to agree ;) )and that she wished that her flourishing of the English language when I was a child hadn't influenced my potty mouth of today. Do note though that if I were to cuss in her presence now, it would be much like giggling in church with my sister as a teen....she'd pinch my ear till the giggling or cursing stopped. My mother was right when she stated my high school sweet heart was gay (I guess it was when he borrowed her heels for his Frankenfurter Halloween costume, who can say....lol...hell, I thought he looked hot!), she was right when she said that when my hair is blonde looked trashy. She's right about most things and for that I thank her.

My father spent time on the site today, all I have to say to him right now is, if you let the past go, you can live happily in the present. If you chose to hold on to the past, seek help. I did have a scathing email I was gonna send, but fuck it. We all make our own choices in the world and live with the very consequences of our actions. Good or bad, life continues and I for one choose to live in the present and learn from my actions, what I won't do is tolerate hate or negativity. This blog is my shout out to the world, get it, the fucking WORLD and I choose to represent optimism, love, chocolate, beer, humor, satire and all that I find interesting. If you chose to disagree with my statements you are more then welcome to open up a dialogue, if you choose to post bitter resentments or hate, that shit will be gone. I will not have drama here, I don't have time for it, life is too fucking short dude, you'd think by now you'd understand that. /spew.

In closing, I wish you all a very warm and wonderful Thursday evening. I'm off to sweat on the bike from hell and work my jiggly (not Gigli, though the results are about the same) abs. CUPIE OWWWWWoot!

My Secret Garden Exposed

"The world is so empty if one thinks only of mountains, rivers and cities; but to know someone here and there who thinks and feels with us, and though distant, is close to us in spirit - this makes the earth for us an inhabited garden."
-Johann von Goethe

Today is Earth Day, a day to celebrate and honor our spinning orb. I honor this day by letting the little tree that has grown in my tulip pot out on my patio stay with plans to re-plant it in front of my living room window as a testament to the wonders of what the world gives us without asking for it. At first it was a weird little vine that I thought was cool, but this year it chose to stand erect and flourish and now at over 6ft I will transplant the lil' bugger when the tulips are done doing their tulip thing. Mother Nature isn't always nice, her wrath has been felt by many, but when she gives you a tree, you better treat it with respect.

Wrapped in Glory, shit deep in controversy

The gal who took this picture lost her job. The paper that printed one of the picture receives accolades. The Pentagon is a wee bit pissed about the pictures. My first reaction upon seeing the picture on the cover of the times was, damn that's too many people coming home. Then it occurred to me that I had never really seen an image like that before. "The Pentagon bars news organizations from taking pictures of caskets being returned to the United States, saying such photos are insensitive." Insensitive? Personally, it looks honorable. There are no names attached to the coffins, we haven't been told of the horrors these soldiers experienced that brought them to their death, the picture basically just shows the care the military takes to honor its own. The Pentagon should be flattered, not pressuring the contractor to fire the woman who took the pictures, that's just petty partisan bullshit rearing its ugly head again. Snarf.

Banana Armor?

Our soldiers lack in the appropriate armor to save their asses, but God forbid our Banana's get a bruise. I can't wait to see how many young men have to visit the emergency room after trying to protect their purple banana's with this. Click for freshness will haunt them always.

I confess!

I too have slept with David Beckham. I'm mean, why the hell not.

Idol Chatter

Her Name was Diane, Diane DeGarmo and last night she sang "One voice"
and didn't sound like a man-O".
One of her best performances, period.
What's scary is that Simon agreed with me,
which means nothing other than the fact my tits
are as big as his.

George Huff was up, down, tryin' to get that feelin' again
whoops, where'd it go, he sounded like he had a cold.

Jennifer Hudson, and tell When will our eyes meet,
When can I touch you....um...nevermind..
Great Performance!

Jasmine, I know I'll never love this way again, try a different position
next time sweet stuff. ;) Good job, it didn't rock my world, but then
it could be my disposition...

LaToya sang All the Time and she sang it well, I've never heard
the song before not in a grocery store and never in an elevator, was this
a hit? I'm stumpy, er...stumped.

John Stevens, Mandy may have sent you away for a reason, your a nice guy
and all, but um...all I have to say is vanilla pudding and WTF is up with Simon comparing contestants
to big chinned stars? I'm thinking chin fetish, mmmhmm...
Hey Simon, I've got two chin's...wink, wink, nudge, nudge.

Fantasia, its a Miracle your not already the Idol. She's like a little Patti LaBelle, can I get an amen!

There is just is not enough chocolate to reduce the rage Or Let me get all Type A on your ass.....

Mood: Pissy to no end.....my assistant calls and says loss prevention did a mini audit in the store......the evaluation results were *good*, fuck good, I don't want GOOD, I want GREAT and I'm sick of the fucking excuses and misinterpretations. Snarl, Spit, Bitch and Moan.....alrighty I'm done.

And as for the Analogia Star Estimator results that has disappeared (quality work there bitches) *snarf*....I give you my results:
I submitted my best likeness as seen here and with that I'm likened to Grace Kelly, Milla Jovovich and fucking Jennifer Love Hewitt. Here that Carson Daily, I'm coming for your ass with chocolate in one hand and Beer in another, Love ME Now. Prince Rainier, if your the damn prince who the FUCK is the king. And yeah, I can see the Milla resemblence, oy.......dizzy...... =P

The Gayest Link O' dee Day-O

Screw Darwin, if ya say so cul, its just I'm not down with screwin' dead evolutionists today, I'm feeling a bit bloated, but thanks anyhoo. *inhales more chocolate* Btw: I'm all for the theroy in the article.... *chews more chocolate*

Chocolate Binge Udate!

Can't think, dizzzzy....*drool*....hey, check this nifty little ditty out......The Analogia Star Estimator, you submit the picture and they are so kind as to compare your looks to that of a real SUPAH STAR. The result for my loverly mug can be found here. :D

Via: All I'm Sayin'

Columbine, Prince and the Shedding of my Uterine lining

Sad: Two angry Jeremy's shot up their classmates 5 years ago in Columbine, and in trying to comprehend the 'why's' of their actions the media dredges the horrors of that day all over again. I was watching the Today Show's coverage this morning and I was impressed with the kids and how they've managed to get on with their lives. Katie Couric on the other hand looked as though she would crumble at any moment during the interviews, I was half expecting the young people she was interviewing to start consoling her. This tragedy, like 9/11 and the other atrocities we've suffered over the years at the hand of mentally deranged, are for the most part out of our control, but these incidents are what make us what we are, survivors. Let us not focus on being victims, but rather, let us celebrate our ability to overcome life's wicked adversities and learn from them so we can again, survive to see another sunrise.

Glad: Prince is all over the place right now, he reminds us that he never left, true. He's in the Rock n' Roll Hall of Fame and rightly so. He is still pissed at the record labels, is disgusted with the over produced, man-made pop phenom's that rise to success in a flash with little or no talent, (money makes za whirled go awound). And I'm quite certain he'd like to take those high heels of his and embed them into the foreheads of the mindless, money grubbing MBA's that run the music industry (who wouldn't?). Prince, whether you dig his tiny ass or not, is making attempts to change the way you get his music, you can download his new CD Musicology at the New Power Generation website for a small fee and he's distributing the CD at his live shows. I LOVE Prince, hated the whole 'slave' face phase, but ultimately he's just a brilliant musician who's passion has risen to the level of genius more times than not. Welcome Back, or um...nice to see ya' again.

TMI: Alice Cooper once sang "Only women bleed", I've just read the lyrics only knowing the chorus, I wasn't aware the song was about abuse. I was a kid when the song was a hit and thought it was a tribute to mensing women everywhere. Oh well, so be it. In my mind the song reflects that special time of the month that my uterus sheds its lining and I can't be held responsible for the amount of chocolate I need to intake to counter balance the hormonal rage the resides within. So with that I'm off to eat mountains of chocolate and obsessively do my weird little Cupie things, lol. mmmmmkay. Have a SUPERfantastical day!

Yes there are two paths you can go....

Bustles in hedgerow's or here's to my sweet Satan? Bah, Snarf, argh.

I bet you get the same results when reversing Dick Cheney's speeches, its just a thought. ;)

Please Note, Armpit Man has NO penis.

Ew. :|

Personal Growth and the Armpit Man

"frogs and salamanders can regrow limbs and so should we." Yeah, but what about the possibility of defects?? And what of the creepy bastards who capitalize on these very defects? Cloning is nothing compared to the success of the what ReGenesis is rumored to have developed (aside from William Hung)....The Armpit stud. His hairy manly stench is being used to sell deodorant, and what freaks me out most is that Mr. Armpit always seems to have some sexy bitch drooling all over his stumpy hairy body. This is just wrong, its bad enough that shaking ones bon-bon and "she bangs" is now associated not with that of shaking your thang on the dance floor or banging for that matter, but, rather a funky Asian Idol reject, now they expect us to buy products from a three toed armpit. If the creators of the faceless pit want us to accept Armpit Man into society they should tell us of his origins (the Petri dish # would suffice) and all promotion forthcoming should utilize a scratch n' sniff option. *sniffs*

Link Via: chicha

"There is no such love felt for one's weighty collection of unread nonfiction by important people.."

I don't need to tell you again, I Love Books, long time, saki saki! But you can have too many, its a fact I hate having to face. This past year my intolerance for clutter in the House of Spew has had me reexaming why I own half the shit I do. The Furby collection was the need to fill any maternal obligations that I felt I needed to conquer....the majority of the Furby's are now destined to be ebay'd and are boxed and ready to be sold, I'd make a great mother. The Mickey Mouse collection I've been building on since High School is boxed up, with only select pieces out for display. The 8 hundred baby doll dresses from the nineties and all the Salvation Army Chic clothing will now adorn refugee's coming to this country as the majority of clothes have been donated to World Vision. Books have been the hardest thing for me to get rid of, I know I'll read it again or I know for a fact I'll need that Science Timeline book when I write my thesis on um.......Science thingy's.....um...yeah.

Anyhoo, I did enjoy this article on A person's books and since any spare moment I've had this week has been to go through the years of CupieShit, I have been inspired to tackle the books next.

A bookmark stuck in Chapter 2 is testament to one's proclivity for starting things and tossing them aside, for succumbing to hype, celebrity, and an ego that insists one must at least try to appear au courant -- never mind that one has yet to finish "Moby-Dick."

....mmmkay. Okay, so I don't even own Moby Dick, call me Ishmael already, but I do own a gazillion books, many of which have been unread for one reason or another. But damn if the Kissinger book wasn't only a dollar. My books are the next thing to de-clutter and although it will be like losing the part of my soul with the receipt still in it, it is for the greater good or what is left of my sanity. ;)



Link Via: BS

Bill, Your Hired. Kwame, you will eventually be hired. Omarosa, your just fucking weak.

Congratulations to Bill, game over. Kwame, you should have fired that evil wench Omarosa, she is a liar, she plays the race card and she fucked you up right and left and mostly fucked you over, I would have fired her ass in a hot second. In my eyes, she is worthless and conniving and until she can own up to accountability and understand the meaning of integrity she will be collecting unemployment and I don't care how smart she thinks she is, the Omarosa Show has been cancelled. Kwame mentioned he 'would' have fired her if he thought he had the option. Dude, who said you couldn't? Woulda, shoulda, coulda....And that sir, was the one mistake that lost you the apprenticeship and I garunfuckentee you that you don't need a Harvard MBA to trust your instincts. Trump, cut the fucking combover, I thought I saw Hoffa in their last night. Thanks and have a fucking super day! :D

Beam Me Up Over There----> (GPS not included)

"Seattle sci-fi insiders call it "Siffumhoff": Paul Allen's new Science Fiction Museum and Hall of Fame. When it opens in June, it will be more commonly known as SFM. Right now it’s under noisy construction in the Blue Potato section of EMP—the space formerly occupied by the Funk Blast ride at Experience Music Project. "All of these cases are just gonna be filled!" exults the jovially ursine Greg Bear, raising his voice above the shrieking saws and banging hammers inside the Potato."

And now for a moment in Cupie's Brain (enter at own risk)...

You say Potato, I say Potawtoe,
You say Al Queda, I say Al Quiduh
Potato, Potawtoe
Al Queda, Al Quiduh
Let's call the whole thing off!

What Press Conference?

Fumble, bumble, Things will get better. !@##$#, I'd bet my Presidency on it. *Yawn* Fumble, splebble, squid. He's not the most eloquent man, he didn't answer any questions, that I noticed, I could just be delirious, or I've gone beyond carrying. What I do know is that its ugly over in Iraq, more tragic victims, here in the states, many children are left behind. I'd wager on this, but then I wagered on the M's and Angels and I sense a bobble head will be heading down south, again, that sounds so very twisted, oy.

If you watched Whoopie last night, you would have noticed her holding a copy of "Against all Enemies", heh. And if you did watch Whoopie its becaus Idol was moved to tonight to accommodate the presidential Fumbled Schurping, the injustice!

HiPpO BiRdy TwO eWeS!

Happy Birthday to my FAVORITE little sister Tanya! Guess how much I love ya? ;)

Busy Busy Bizzie Bizee

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Monday's Friday Five

1. What do you do for a living? I am a Specialty Retail Manager, basically I run a bookstore and come October I run a two bookstores and one calendar store (4th quarter whore I am)

2. What do you like most about your job? The books first and foremost. I wasn't much of a reader growing up, but my little sister is a voracious reader and passed many of her favorites on to me, then my mother started passing books on to me. I'd go from Harriet the Spy to a raunchy Harold Robbins book within a weeks passing. To this day I still read children's literature and although I haven't read a Harold Robbins book since "The Lonely Lady", which incidentally horrified me and intrigued me like a car crash, I read Tom Robbins now. I love the marketing aspect of my job, I'm a visual person, I'm a trend spotter, trend setter, and regional liaison to our Home Office buyers and if I like your book I'll make sure its picked up for the Northwest Region of our company and I'll pimp the shit out of it. If I don't like it, or say you were a snotty fuckwit to me, you may or may not find your book in my store, it depends mostly on the phase of the moon and my menstrual cycle, w-o-m-a-n.

3. What do you like least about your job? Stupidity and ignorance, V.C. Andrews, the oft asked question of "Where's your non-fiction?", if its not fiction dude, 9 times out of 10 their looking for true crime anyways, ock. I dislike people bitching about our discounting strategy, if its half price at Costco or Wal Mart, please, for the love of fuck buy it there. I dislike the fact that people swear the new Grisham novel is in paperback and that they saw it at the 'airport bookstore', mmmkay. Again, if you saw it there you should have bought it there as in my world its a years wait for the paperback version. *slap*

4. When you have a bad day at work it's usually because _____... of shoplifters, mall security, employee's that don't work or a customer tries to return a book we haven't sold in years, demanding cash no less. Over and shortages in the tills can cause me to lob a bestseller at any target moving or not....I pity that fool that has regular shortages. A bad audit will reduce me to the fetal position and an employee's repeated bad performance is corrected with the threats of paper cuts.

5. What other career(s) are you interested in? Marketing/ merchandising or a grammatically inferior columnist. No matter what I choose to do to I've gotta be the boss, there can be no other way. I'm a bitch by birthright and a leader by choice.

Subservient Chicken

When no one else will listen to you, the chicken will!!! Buck BAwK!

He Has Risen, He Has Risen Indeed....um...what's that smell?

Normally, people that return from the dead scare the living shit out people, myself included. But when your the son of a deity apparently the rot is slow and you don't smell as bad and you sure as fuck don't stick around, you haul ass up to the heavens remembering what those rat bastards did to you while you were alive. Personally, I thought the soul left you right at death, why J felt it was necessary to stick around for three days before 'rising' is beyond me, but rumor has it his father is quite intimidating.

Today, think beyond death & taxes and think of rebirth, renewal and all the glories of springtime. You don't have to be of the religious ilk to appreciate another day of life. Happy Easter!

Chappelleatudeisms.....

Via: BWE

9/11 Commission

Condi: "There are plans and plans and plans"

Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans. -John Lennon

We Americans like spending money to pin blame find answers. Al Queda is to blame. And whets up there butt? Why do they hate us so?
Muslim suicide mystery...

Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslim terrorists are so quick to commit Suicide.

Let's see now....
No Jesus, No Christmas. No television, No cheerleaders, No baseball, No
football, No basketball, No hockey, No golf, No tailgate parties ..

No Walmart, No Home Depot, No pork BBQ, No hot dogs, No burgers, No
chocolate chip cookies.
No lobster, No shellfish, or even frozen fish sticks, No gumbo, No
jambalaya.
Rags for clothes and towels for hats.

Constant wailing from the guy next-door because he's sick and there are
no doctors.
Constant wailing from the guy in the tower, More than one wife.

You can't shave. Your wives can't shave.
You can't shower to wash off the smell of donkey cooked over burning
camel dung.
The women have to wear baggy dresses and veils at all times.

Your bride is picked by someone else.
She smells just like your donkey. But your donkey has a better
disposition.
Then they tell you that when you die it all gets better!

I mean, really, is there a mystery here?

[Via: Aunt Rita]

The bottom line is that our country has never had its mainland attacked like on September 11th, lesson learned. Instead of trying to blame the administrations, or the CIA and FBI, hows about instead of spending money on the blamefest, we put the money towards better communication technology within the Government institutions? Its just a thought, Have a loverly day!

Beautiful Losers, Camile Velasco

So goodbye yellow brick road
Where the dogs of society howl
You can't plant me in your penthouse
I'm going back to my plough or Maui, whatever works.....

Camile has a sultry, sexy and untrained voice and although her looks rival any goddesses she said goodbye to her audience tonight, she knew what was going down and when she sang her goodbyes and she did so accordingly, by acknowledging her beloved Hawaii. What Camile really lacked was self confindence, every muscle rippled with self loathing, every wobbled warble reeked of fear. She's got what it takes and she just won't admit it. She did more than most and took the risk, but you can't rely on that alone, its how your perform afterwards. The Dogs of society howled and wanted you gone, but I have faith in you, train that gorgeous voice, keep following the road less traveled, but you have got to believe in yourself first and foremost, be strong and shine....(you do have a tour coming up ;) ).

Now, as for the following show, The Swan (I won't even link to the swill), someone should smack the mother fucking shit out of the bastard who came up with this pathetic display of self hatred. You suck, Your fat, Your NOT pretty, let us cut you up and show you how the Beautiful people act (Paris Hilton made a video and you can too!) and lets display your sorry pathetic ass on television so the world will love your materialistic sorry self. FUCK THAT! FUCK FOX, and fuck society for for making the majority of American men & women fit the standards of anorexic models and Penthouse Pets, FUCK YOU with the fistmaster 2000 beeyotch!

Yeah, I'm coming across as angry here, and so fucking be it. My feet stink sometimes, I fart when I laugh out loud on occassion, I have an overbite despite the 3yrs of braces and the torment of the children who teased me to know end for having food in my braces (why can't a girl save a snack for later?) and guess what? I love every inch of my lumpy body! That hasn't always been the case, and sometimes I still struggle with the fact that I'm not picture perfect and I hate myself even more for that. But word up, right now I'm am the sexiest bitch you'll know. I LOVE me, I love my mind, my eyes, my failing hips and bad back, but damnitalltomotherfucking hell I LOVE ME, nightly even. :D But humor aside, I will NOT watch grown women go under the knife for acceptance, its bullshit. If God beat you with an ugly stick and you have serious deformities, then more power too you, but if your cutting yourself up for the love of or lack of a man or for a better job at the better Strip Lounges or say you can get more money if you were only centerfold material, grow a fucking spine, all your doing is perpetrating more self hatred. We already have millions of teens who hate themselves so much they dress like fucking Marylin Mason's ulgy step siblings, stop it already...its boring and contrived.

Love yourself, despite what our materialistic society says, you are beautiful in your natural skin, you are beautiful no matter who's been airbrushed on the cover of Cosmo, go beyond the Yellow Brick road, bitchslap the dogs of society and build on the strengths that matter in the long run, educate yourself, bathe daily, wax what you want to and know that success is the best revenge. *batteries not included. /spew

Like the Phoenix The Sloganator Rises

American Midol, errrr Idol

Oy, Simon likened last nights Idol to really bad karaoke and he was being nice. Each performance was getting progressively worse and I almost had to jab a knitting needle in my eye just to ease the pain brought on by hearing the relentless out of tune warbling coming from the t.v., I guess I could have changed the channel, but whatever would I spew about today? Sir Elton John's songs were the focus and sadly, the victim.
The key word of the eveing was 'pitchy' that is until George "Long ass Legs" Huff came out and rocked the house with one of my personal favorites "Take Me to the Pilot".

As a little girl in the 70's when I was a wee chunk 'o Cupieness, I enjoyed retrieving my mothers hugeass sun glasses from her purse, going to the kids bathroom and locking the doors for complete privacy before my performance. Keep in mind that Elton John was the shizznit back then and he was the pinball wizard and all, anyhoo, back to the show....[curtain rises] Standing in front of the bathroom mirror with pink Avon hairbrush in hand it worked as microphone in that particular performance hall, with a determined *Supahstar* attitude and I'd start singing:

Through a glass eye your throne
Is the one danger zone
Take me to the pilot for control
Take me to the pilot of your soul <--I had no idea what that meant, but it sounded so damn cool.

Take me to the pilot< hair flip >
Lead me through the chamber < finger snap >
Take me to the pilot
I am but a stranger< hand clap, handling the mic just so as not to chip the imaginary long painted nails ala' Cher >

After finishing the set (I wouldn't do encores until I was about 13 or so), I would put the record sleeve with lyrics back into to the album jacket, sun glasses back in purse and then go outside and glean Martha Stewart's militant like attitude and make sumptuous mud pies decorated with flowers shipped in from exotic regions (the front yard).

At this point, George Huff is the Idol, he sang his heart out, he got the audience out of their seats, he chose a great song for himself, a song that brought me back to my childhood bathroom venue and that is what a great song and a great singer can do.

An Easter Moment in Cupie's Brain

Sing to the Pretenders "Brass in Pocket"

Got Peeps in pocket
Got Mouth so I'm gonna eat it
Confections I'm feeling hungry
Gonna make you, make you, make you notice

(chorus)

Gonna use my mouth
Gonna use my lips
Gonna use my teeth
Gonna use my saliva
Gonna use my fingers
Gonna use my, my, my imagination

'cause I'm gonna make you see
There's no other Peeps here
Not another to eat
Your special so special
I gotta have some of your confection give it to me

Meme Overload...BEEP....beep.

You are Maureen Dowd! You like to give people silly
nicknames and write in really short, non
sequitur paragraphs. You're the most playful of
the columnists and a rock-ribbed liberal, but
are often accused of being too flamboyant and
frivolous. You tend to focus on style over
substance, personality over politics. But your
heart is in the right place. Plus, you are a
total fox.


Which New York Times Op-Ed Columnist Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

The low rumble of the fans at Safeco Field are depressing the fuck out me....oy.....I'm turning this piece of shit computer off for the day.

Can you smell the patchouli?

What revolution are You?
Made by altern_active
Via: ratboy

Bets Wagered!

M's vs A's, series winner gets a Bobble Head :D And speaking of Bobble Heads, Jamie Oliver, the Naked Chef, bobbled and burnt his head on Valentines day, the horror. :S [linkage via: tmftml]

Opening Day! Happy HApPy, JoY jOy!

My Mariners vs. His Angels. And speaking of 'him' he has a new site devoted to sports called The Left Field Guys designed by web developer extrodinaire Pie. Yes, the very same Pie who has redesigned the Spew and I now need to get my ass in gear and start the transferring process, ugh. Gooooooooooooooo MARINERS...mmmkay.

Grammatically Sound, But the Bikini Line, Not so Much

You are a MASTER of the English language!


While your English is not exactly perfect,
you are still more grammatically correct than
just about every American. Still, there is
always room for improvement...


How grammatically sound are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

So I've mastered grammar, but the whole Wax On, Wax Off thing could use some practice. Never wax without a card carrying waxing technician, as it may lead to blood blisters on the bikini line, (not so pretty....oy...) not that I would know that.....alrighty. :|

You Pulitzer, You Brought Her

They've been announced and esteem is their's and mine one day, most likely when hell freeze's over, but I wouldn't say no ;) Is that a breeze I'm feeling or did I fart? *Ponders & sniffs*
Via the chicha.

Kurt Cobain 1967-1994 "I miss you, I'm not gonna crack"

Its hard to believe that 10 years have past since Kurt Cobain opted out of this life. But he did leave us with examples of his genius, he left of with his likeness in his beautiful daughter Frances and damn if he didn't leave us his widow, who herself is hell bent on going down in flames with her tits in our faces, thanks Courtney.

I listened to Nevermind everyday for over a year, I still have the candle given to me to me by a complete stranger as I wandered the Seattle Center in tears the day of his memorial. I remember hearing "Smells Like Teen Spirit" for the first time on the radio, in awe that someone from the hell that is Aberdeen, Wa. had made it. Anything Kurt or anyone for that matter has said about Aberdeen is so very true, dark, damp and utterly depressing. My siblings were Kurts age and my brother hung out with Kurt for a time, I was just a peripheral acquaintance, the bitchy sister who just didn't get the Melvins, still don't.

I only really knew Krist N. with his wicked little all purpose, orange shagged, black tiger stripped van, my fondest memory of which took place on the 'Hill' in Aberdeen, my older brother and myself hanging out with the gangly geek, getting stoned, drinking beers and looking out the open doors of Krist's van starring at a sparkly night view of the hometown we all wanted the hell out of and fast. On that night, we didn't know what the future would hold. Krist eventually married my friend Shelly, my brother moved to Olympia and within a few years I myself was in Seattle. Then it happened, Nirvana came on the scene and changed all of our worlds, I was proud that they had made it, that Kurt & Co. would rise above the limitations of a small logging town. Nirvana, in its time was Bliss.

I was at Nirvana's last show in Seattle, the In Utero tour, Kurt had already tried to off himself in Europe once and honestly we'd thought it would be our last opportunity to see them as rumors of a breakup were looming. I literally ran into Kurt on the street on my way too work one day, he was incognito in his wacky way, huge winter coat with fur collar and upon his head a leather pilot's cap with earflaps and goggles, at first I thought some stinky transient from Pioneer Square, but when I saw it was him we just smiled at each other, nodded and gave the universal shout out of "hey", I turned to watch him walk away, so much had transpired those last few months and no one really knew what was going to happen and then unfortunately it did happen, the music died one more time.

On this day I hope that it will be more focused on the music he made and not on the controversy of his death, with the release of Love & Death, a book pointing fingers at Courtney as Kurt's murderer, (mmmkay). If you want a good look into Kurt's life read Charles Cross' Heavier Than Heaven and not only because you'll find my name in there (heh) but because its a fair and balanced look into a tortured soul. If you want a look into his psyche try the Journals.

Seattle's 107.7 The End a station built on Nirvana, is remembering both Kurt and Layne Staley of Alice in Chains, both men who lived on the premise of Pete Townshend's immortal words "Its better to burn out then fade away". If ya say so...RIP dude.

The Divine Comedy, via the Inferno, via South Park, Home Sweet Home

My mother has likened me to a South Park Character, she's even gone so far as to compare me to Eric Cartman, so be it. I have a filthy fucking mouth. Once in High School I was chatting for the first time with one of the 'in' kids and I just starting spouting off, spewing if you will, about the big Aberdeen Vs. Hoquiam football game coming up....I don't recall exactly what I said but I would guess it would have been something like.."We're gonna slaughter those limpdicked mother fuckers!". The 'in' kid looked at me shocked and said, "wow, who would have thought that would come from what I thought was a sweet girl, you have such a sweet face, wow." I was slightly embarrassed by her response and promptly thought to myself "fuck you, bitch", then I explained to her that I simply have onset tourettes and that I forgot my medication that day.

My family tolerates my flourishing, my boss does as well, ya never know what will come out of my mouth, hell, even I find it amusing at times, but I also know when to refrain from using such language. I never cuss up a storm in front of Suits, they don't get it, I never cuss in front of children, when I can help it. It is what I am, vulgar, raunchy and neurotic and If indeed there is a hell and I, for some reason (aside from using the Lord's name in vain) ever end up in the infernal regions I will be in good, albeit animated, company.

Last night on South Park was all aboot "The Passion of Christ", Kyle, being Jewish, went to see it at Cartman's urging. Kyle was horrified and wanted to repent for his sins. Stan and Kenny went to see it and thought it sucked ass and demanded their money back and went to Mel Gibson's house to get it. Mel, came across as an hysterical, sadistic bastard with full Braveheart face paint. Funny shit and a good time was had by all, try to catch it in reruns if you can, that is if you enjoy fart jokes and blasphemy, heh. lol.
[picture stolen without regret from Stereogum]

And for my everloving, beautiful mom whence I first heard the very words I spew with all my force @#$@!, which is the real Cupie, or better yet, which one is Theresa and which one is Dianne? (Theresa Dianne Z is the name and I go by both my first and middle name in the family circle, but you doesn't have to call me Johnson). Call me what you will, but if your cute, single and gainfully employed, Jesus Mary Mudder of Gawd CALL Me. Hello??? Alrighty I'm gone.com, I have a ton of things to finish today. Peace be with you my children and Long Live Rock! Make your own damn image @ South Park Studios a have a fucking thuper day!

I've Got Spurs That Jingle Jangle Spanglemonkey?

I'm slow on the uptake, but here ya have it, another source for shameless self promotion and you still have time!! Comment yourself into an oblivious state. Time has come today, etc...just do it. (note to David, try not to get banned doing this ;) ) Hep, hep!

I Am Seattle! Just look at the size of my ass! (_|_)

Take the quiz: "Which American City Are You?"

Seattle
Your dark exterior masks a caffeine driven activism. You'll take up a cause and you'll get ugly to advance it.

I scored well for Washingtion D.C. as well, but with webbed feet and the need to express my um....spew....I will and forever be Seattle's bitch, yeah yeah in live in a city outside of Seattle , but hey whats a 15, 20, okay, okay, what's a 25 minute Metro ride to the city I adore. Oh yeah and theres that little 'decaf' only issue, but trust me, I drink the java like its water. God Bless Seattle and hey, if Mother Nature would be so kind as to not shake, rattle and roll us of the planet, you can count on a Grunge Revival Soon.

Easter is for the Peeps, yo.

Jesus died for our sins (thanks dude) and our sins are sugary goodness, colorful confections that make Easter what it is. Who hasn't gone to a sunrise Easter service with a peep in their pocket??? Who hasn't fallen asleep with a Peep in hand? Who hasn't eaten a Peep when it was close to petrified? Ok, so maybe you haven't done any above the above, but knowing my problem of middle of the night eating, I've woken up to a Peep head on my pillow and I don't blame the Easter mafia, I blame myself and my love for sugar coated marshmallow, yum.

Got Milk? Got a LOT of Milk?

Tis good to see the youth of the world contributing to the babes of the world. Why have a bake sale when you can lactate for money?

Via: DB

Hey Cupie? What's that Gray Shit Seeping Out Of Your Ears?

My hotmail went *poof*, anything I didn't save to my computer went buh-bye, gimme some of that Gmail, fast. Bank pays to reprints checks a second time, I don't have to eat them now, whew. Cupiespew.com purchased, Movable Type enroute (Pie, I'm going to need your help on this one). Compaq Computer, dying a slow death (again) it crashed in new way today, twice. Tomorrow, taxes and I better do it quick before this piece of shit dies for the last time. Preparation for staff meeting, getting there, not done yet, argh. Long, hot bath time, movie, book and I'm spent. Have a loverly evening.

Eyeball Fun!

Cool site, great graphics, but, nothing beats using your cursor to play with other peoples eyeballs. Thanks Nichole!