< Spew It Forward!: 06.04

Wednesday, June 30, 2004
Vice President Hillary Clinton?

If the rumor is true we can assume that John Kerry's balls have finally dropped, let the games begin. This would give the election some much needed pizzaz aside from the mudslinging, my dogs bigger than your penis crap going on.
"All the signs point in her direction," said the insider, one of the most influential and well-placed in the nation's capital. "It is the solution to every Kerry problem."

I would definitely drag my apathetic ass to the polls if this was the case. I'm just not completely sold on the whole Kerry package and lord knows I won't vote for Bush. I've spent my life trimming the Bush and I'm tired of it, but do I want to vote for Kerry? Former President Clinton recently stated; "..John Kerry only gets to make one presidential decision, who is his running mate. Everything else about a challenger's campaign is words. So the most important thing is that he picks somebody that he believes with all his heart would be a great president if he dropped dead, got shot, was in a plane crash." With Hillary on the ticket you bet your ass I'll be voting because Kerry will have made the best choice possible, Hillary knows all about trimming Bush and I'd bet good money she's damn tired of it too.
"But what Hillary about having to wait to run for president? If Bush wins then she is the nominee for 2008 because it will be all Kerry's fault. If she wins she is the first woman VP of the United States, which would help her become the first woman president of the U.S. It would be historic in its own right and change the nature of politics in this country, and mark her place in the history books for ever-- a different history than her husbands."

A continuance of "Living History" to be sure.

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Tuesday, June 29, 2004
"Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince."

I risk another "Fatal Exception" to bring you the title of the new Harry Potter novel. I'm having issues with the whole half-blood bullshit. Are we talking Mugblood? Are we talking a mulatto Prince? Omg, Prince, the artist formly known as some asinine symbol, is a mulatto, a halfbreed, OMG....could Cher be in this new book? Whatever the case, the title has been leaked or announced or someone pummelled the shit out of Rowlings until she gave them a wee bit o' evidence that the book is indeed in the process of being written. Actually, I anticipate the publication of the book to coincide with Cher's unending Farewell Tour, in other words don't hold your breath or do, whatever works.

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Friday, June 25, 2004
Dirty Digits Dun Dirt Cheap!

"In some Greek theater, they actually hit each other with leather phalluses."
Eddie Schmidt, Co-author, The Finger: The Comprehensive Guide To Flipping Off

And hence the beginnings of sun block with spf 15. I'm saluting my computer right now with the very digit of subject in this informative new book. I haven't been at
all to interested into looking into the book until now as I've been flippin' the bird at my computer for a week now and how does the computer react? "A Fatal Exception has Occured", finger raised, bird flipped. Without reading the book my thoughts wander to the orgin of the 'flippin' the bird' and in my minds eye I envision chickadee's being flung towards the bad neighbor, or a turkey being catapulted towards an opposing army. Lo, those many years ago when flippin' the bird was ones only means of retribution...DUN..Dun...dunnn...the first animal activist surfaced and from that point on, one raises their middle finger, a kind of hand jive if you will, to offend your offender.

It works far better than the usual...fuck you, NO, fuck YOU, I beg your pardon sir, but Fucketh ye more. Fuck off. Sure buddy, but if I fuck off then perhaps you may want to FUCK OFF more, maybe. Perhaps Dick Cheney would have better off to give the one finger salute to Senator Patrick Leahy than to start the ol' Fuck You, Fuck you more argument or maybe he just left his 'leather phallus' at home.

And what of the threat of "Fuck Off"? Fuck off you ninny! C'mon, we all know ninny's are quite found of fucking, so where is the threat? I can only assume when someone tells someone to "Fuck Off" it's because of a fornication experience gone awry and they want the person there shouting at to experience the hell that was last night? Someone cuts you off on the highway and instead of the risk of being shot at for flipping them off,you shout, FUCK YOU!!!! All the while, thinking of the premature ejaculation episode of 1983. My mind is overwhelmed with all this aggression, I know I’ll be able to find the answers to this mental quandary when I finally read The Anatomy Of Swearing. I’ll have all the answers then and when I do, I’ll spew.

PS: After a series of reboots and reconnections and yet another 'Fatal Exception' I'll let this piece of shit Compaq rest now (flips off the computer, the fucker). Until the next spew, I bid you adieu! Snarf!

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Monday, June 21, 2004
Death Of A Piece Of Shit Compaq

My computer is reaching its end. For what I paid for it it served it purpose and yeah I had to rebuild the bitch twice but once a lemon always a lemon. At this point I can run only one application at a time before it crashes. So, posting will be very limited, if at all, until the new system is built. The past few months my time spent on the computer has been in the mornings only to conserve what little life was left in this machine and I almost forgot what a person can do in the evenings, but I've been oh so domestic, I thought that particular gene would never kick in, whew! ;) I've also been catching up the reading, which of course is bliss and job security. So with that, I bid you a temporary farewell until I can get back into the computer groove with a machine that won't crash on a daily basis, a machine that will let me add software without having a complete break down, a machine that will recognize comcasts software so I can have dsl, a machine that I don't have to kick the shit out of because it SUCKS. Argh! Until then I'm on Hiatus. Be Back Soon! :D

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Saturday, June 19, 2004
Set Phasers For Burn

Paul Allen's Science Fiction Museum and Hall Of Fame opens this weekend to geek and un-geek alike! "What if your best friend was an alien?" Donna Shirley asks. "What if you could erase things from your past? It gives people permission to speculate. ... We want to get kids thinking about what could really happen."

In other words, the museum going for more than geek appeal, though it has plenty of that. Among the exhibits are Captain Kirk's original command chair from Star Trek (no, you can't sit in it), an interactive space station exhibit, fan magazines, posters and a ray-gun collection that could get the NRA excited about galaxies far, far away.

In other Sci-Fi news author Ray Bradbury is a wee bit pissed at Michael Moore's use Fahrenheit 9/11 as the title of his Bush/HouseO'Saud blast about, which is incidentally a take on Bradbury's book burning tale Fahrenheit 451.

Bradbury, who hasn't seen the movie, said he called Moore's company six months ago to protest and was promised Moore would call back.

He finally received that call last Saturday, Bradbury said, adding Moore told him he was "embarrassed."

"He suddenly realized he's let too much time go by," the author said by phone from his home in Los Angeles.

Apparently Mr. Moore was busy eating, but, fear not dear reader I'm sure this whole episode will disappear once some money is thrown at the situation, if not, burn the movie like any good conservative would and will do. God Bless America.

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Friday, June 18, 2004
The Sky Is Falling: Part III

It continues to rain God debris, this time in Austrailia, . Is this all part of a larger conspiracy? Or is it just another ho-hum natural phenomenon? Let us not forget the laws of gravity. All things, at one time or another, fall down and try as you might, you can't really fall up. You can throw up, throw down, but when something falls the mood and the object are always down, splat.

And now back to our regularly scheduled programming: Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds, as performed by William Shatner. [Some Links Via: ratboy's anvil]

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The Savages And Their Evil God Strike Again, The Fuckers!

Rest in Peace Paul Johnson and may your murderers rot in hell, you ignorant fucking savages....grow a fucking brain.

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McSweeney's Quartly Concern #13, Sha-ZAM!

"The new issue is an exquisite physical object: a heavy, full-color, 264-page hardcover with a gold-embossed spine, wrapped in a folded-up tabloid-size "comics supplement" with an ornate Ware piece on one side and a scribbly Gary Panter drawing on the other. It's even got tiny minicomics by John Porcellino and Ron Regé Jr. tucked into its folds. (Regé's contribution, adapted from the testimony of a Palestinian woman who changed her mind about a suicide bombing at the last moment, is one of the most striking things in the book.)" [Via: Bookslut]

I purchased my copy only days ago and after every cartoon I read, after every little bit of tiny text I peruse, before I put the book down and the smile slowly fades from my face, I hug my book.

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Thursday, June 17, 2004
Lit Riffs (air guitar solo) Yeah Baby!

What exactly is the story behind Bruce Springsteen's song "Spirit In The Night", or Rod Stewart's "Maggie May"? Mtv has released Lit Riffs a book with short stories about select songs based on their lyrics, also a cd with covers of the songs will also be released. It sounds like a hip concept, I might even give it a read now that I know there is no douche wrapped up the night in Springsteens song and don't tell me you didn't think, or rather, sing the same thing! ;)

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Wednesday, June 16, 2004
Bug Me Not.com

Bypass registrations with this fabulous invention. Now, If I could have one of those functions tattooed on my forehead I'd be one obliviously happy girl. Seems to me that more people are begging for food, money, cigarettes or whatever is in my pocket, ugh. There are people begging at every intersection in my city lately and its sad. I've seen old men, old women, young men, filthy young women, families and a black man with girl friend begged me for gas money on my way home yesterday, so I was like here's a dollar and for further reference bug me not and I walked home. I keep spare change in my pockets like some keep bread crumbs for the birds. I'm tossing coins at strangers, left and right. I practice the art of Penny Zen by leaving the potential good luck of found pennies to other more in need of 'good luck'. Are you better off now than you were five years ago? I personally am, but I've worked hard and by the grace God I still have my job. Looking around my 'on the average middle-income city' I'd have to say a lot of people are in need and its really a sad state and I'm running out of spare change, cigarettes and patience, so yeah a bug me not option would be swell.

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Tuesday, June 15, 2004
Yes Virginia, There Is A Santa Claus, but you shouldn't shag the bastage.

Sex with a minor. Don't go there. An adult who has sex with a minor is breaking the law. The law is there to protect younger teens from unhealthy relationships and its consequences. Consent is not the issue. According to Virginia's laws, a minor cannot consent to a sexual relationship with an adult.

Sex with minors has reached epidemic proportions in Hollywood Virginia, the very state named after the Virgin Queen, Elizabeth I...fascinating.
[Via: tmftml]

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Monday, June 14, 2004
The Meteors Of Mass Destruction

Yep, the sky is still falling. We here in the Northwest have been spared this time as the errant space debris landed at the bottom of the spinning orb in New Zealand. Is this the beginning of the end o' times? Or, is this God passing gallstones? Hmmm..

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Bloggity Blah, Blah....

"We may be in the golden age of blogging, a quirky Camelot moment in Internet history when some guy in his underwear with too much free time can take down a Washington politician. It will be interesting to see what role blogs play in the upcoming election. Blogs can be a great way of communicating, but they can keep people apart too. If I read only those of my choice, precisely tuned to my political biases and you read only yours, we could end up a nation of political solipsists, vacuum sealed in our private feedback loops, never exposed to new arguments, never having to listen to a single word we disagree with."
[Via: Bookslut]

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Friday, June 11, 2004
R-E-S-P-E-C-T, Sock It To Me!

"I'm not concerned with your liking or disliking me . . . All I ask is that you respect me as a human being." - Jackie Robinson

Respect is the one thing that all of us strive for in some manner during our life time. Respect doesn't have to be earned, so much as it has to be learned. Human life deserves respect, leaders in a democracy, dead or alive deserve respect and until you can step up as they have to the best of their ability, and put yourself in that position respecting their leadership is the most respectful thing one could do. To respect something or someone does not mean you embrace their dogma or personality as much as it is acknowledging its right to exist. Liberal and conservative people deserve our respect. We don't have to agree with those who's opinions differ from our own, but we can respect their minds enough to know it took some time to come to the state of their own beliefs, time spent thinking is well respected. Time spent thinking about respect is time well spent.

Respect these things; love, family, friends, education, mother earth and father sky. Respect the color of ones skin black, white, red, yellow, and brown. Respect science and the scientist, choice, civil liberties, creativity, art and the artist, music and the musician, literature, journalism, authors, the imagination, humor and the laughter that follows, chocolate, beer, sports, spirituality, the power of prayer, the internet, your immediate 'real' world and you're on respectable path. And let us not forget an amazing blind piano player with his own amazing grace, he deserves our respect. If there was one gift you could give someone aside from the precious gift of love, respect would be the greatest gift. I respect myself more now then I did yesterday, (bathing is such an esteem booster) and I respect you for taking this time to read this.

Respectfully Yours,

Cupie, the second star left of center xoxo

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Thursday, June 10, 2004
The Passion Of Kurt Vonnegut Jr.

"Listen. All great literature is about what a bummer it is to be a human being: Moby Dick, Huckleberry Finn, The Red Badge of Courage, the Iliad and the Odyssey, Crime and Punishment, the Bible and The Charge of the Light Brigade.

But I have to say this in defense of humankind: No matter in what era in history, including the Garden of Eden, everybody just got there. And, except for the Garden of Eden, there were already all these crazy games going on, which could make you act crazy, even if you weren't crazy to begin with. Some of the games that were already going on when you got here were love and hate, liberalism and conservatism, automobiles and credit cards, golf and girls' basketball."

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Wednesday, June 09, 2004
Big Fish

I was listening to my favorite talk radio show yesterday afternoon and the best story of the day sandwiched between political spew was about the huge ass muthafuggin fish. Now, to some of you this may seem odd that I would find this interesting, but I have this sinus infection you see and I'm a wee bit over-tired and delirious this week and all the Reagan news has worn me and my sinuses down, I'm done with it, he's dead already. He was a great man that was once a Alex P. Keaton's President and a big fish in his own right. But, what bothers me as they drag this mans body across the purple moutains of majesty is that his passing has brought out more of the Liberal haters and what the fuck is up with hating on us Liberals, loathe us if you will, hate is what Terrorist do. My head hurts, have mercy people 'hate' is a very strong word. Have a SUPER day! :D

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Monday, June 07, 2004
Manic Monday.....oh we oh....Wish It Was Sunday....oh we oh...Snarf, Sunday Is My Monday....oy.

What a weekend! I watched Book Expo America on cspans Book TV, hours spent listening to panelists discussing the state of the nation, the elitist cult of New York publishing, and how the vast amounts of literary blogs are to blame for the diminished investment of the "Arts" section of your newspapers and periodicals. Former President Bill Clinton was the keynote speaker and I finally saw his address late Saturday evening, in which he talked about his upcoming biography. Clinton is a born leader no doubt about it, his words were kind to his colleagues, he was humble, charming and reassuring, his book should prove to be great fodder for the pundits in the following months, but who cares...he's a lovely, fallible man not unlike many men and women who are reading this now.

Another former President Ronald Wilson Reagan passed away on Saturday, I was glad too, I can't imagine living in the hell that is Alzhiemers, may he rest in peace. He too was charming, funny and at times brilliant, his only fault that I can see was that he was human and a republican. :D And although his politics weren't my cup of tea, he was a great leader that helped bring down the wall of communism and that may be his greatest gift to humanity.

The Tony Awards were on last night and I watched almost all of it, the first hour was a flipping war to due the fact that The Divine Ms. M, Bette Midler was on Bravo's The Actors Studio. I LOVE the theater, I LOVE Bette, I AM a Faghag.

And finally, what the FUCK is the matter with Jennifer Lopez? Whatever the case she married singer Marc Anthony *yawn*, you make your children proud and your ex wife rich dude, too generous. Come to think of it, JLo has been married more than I've dated these past few years, heh. I bet Ben Affleck has exhaled in relief, Puffy probably sent her another *get out of marriage FREE card* and good ol' dancer boy Cris Judd just giggled to himself, while Onjani Noa opted to carve her name in his forehead as a wedding gift. Congrats (cough) Jen!


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Saturday, June 05, 2004
Save Disney.com

The above links brings you to Disney's California Adventure Park on Memorial Day of this year and despite the fact that the new ride Twilight Zone, Tower of Terror ride has opened the park appears to lack the throngs of people that the original park is surely to have on the same day.

As a frequent guest of the Disneyland resort, I thought I'd give my 2 cents about California Adventures. It's not a bad park it just lacks the same magic that resides in Disneyland. Basically, the park lacks any soul. Try as they might by bringing the once retired Electrical Light Parade to its agenda, it just doesn't have the same Disney sensibility. The Winery is nice sure, the roller coaster rocks!, Ariel's Grotto is kinda fun, but the highlights of the park is the Rocky Mountain Water Ride, the Muppets and A Bug's Life 3-D movies and personally I enjoy the Animation Exhibt. But still I'd rather be over at Disneyland with the Mouse that started it all.

How can the Disney execs bring the magic to California Adventure? Bring Mickey Mouse over in full force. Make the Hollywood area less cheesy and more 'period' along the lines of Main Street at Disneyland. A theatre showing old Mickey Mouse cartoons would be nice. I can't tell you how many times in the midst of the summer sun that we've taken solace in the air conditioned theater that shows the animatronic Lincoln spewing his wisdom. There are many fixes to the problem that is California Adventures. One fix might be to be rid of Eisner,yes. But if Eisner was smart he'd assign a magical task force of sorts to fix the souless park. As Eisner is learning this year, just because it has Disney on the label, doesn't necessarily mean success. Fixing wrongs would be bringing Disney blood (Roy) back to the fold and start viewing new projects with the same wide-eyed childlike wonder that Walter Elias Disney's vision did for Disneyland. Sure the bottom line is a serious issue in the business of making things work, but why deviate from what was working?

Paradigm shifts and ever-fluctuating trends are making my own home office do stupid shit, too many cooks in the kitchen and BAM, you suck and struggle to survive. When one goes back to the basics and remembers the original concept of a project the purity of invention inspires creativity, but first and foremost there must be magic, wonderment and a heavily sprinkling of fairy dust wouldn't hurt a thing.

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A Series Of Unfortunate Events Trailer

Here. [Via: Boing Boing]

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Friday, June 04, 2004
Loading, please wait....

[Via: Side Salad]

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Zoinks! Anime Cupie!

I'm really not a great fan of the illustration stylings of Anime, give me Disney any day, but I loved playing around with Portrait Illustration Maker. I look so thin. [link via VBB]

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Indecision 2004, hehe, haha, hoho....

John Stewart for President? Okay, I'm good with that, but I think the man is smarter than that. Even Mr. Stewart knows that pointing out the ironic dysfunctions of the political mind and actually having to serve in office are two totally different monsters. Lest we forget that there are many outside influences shaping the very silly putty like mind of our leader. Not to diminish President Bush's own beliefs and ethics, but his twisted little mind has to accommodate all the other concepts and agenda of other power mongers, lobbyists and the religious right that he has in his pocket or vica versa.

A John Stewart/Dave Barry ticket would be hysterical and not to mention the cabinet would be a hoot. Secretary of State would most certainly have to be the Margaret Cho, Secretary of Defense would be Neal Pollack and National Security Advisor would have to be the unapologetically vitrol laden Janeane Garofalo. Fox News would combust, how cool would that be?

Yeah, it would be super to have them in office, but it is far better to have our favorite humorists and satirists in their current stations. They have far more power outside of the political realm just being their beautiful, hysterical funny selves because not only do they make us laugh, but they make us think and that dear reader is all that is required in this life to enjoy it.

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Thursday, June 03, 2004
Clintonesque Is Moi......LOL....mmmkay.



What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com



I think Bill Clinton rocks and would vote for him over the options of today, well actually I'd be good with the elusive Kerry/McClain ticket that won't happen, Clinton, be it Hillary or Bill is the way to go. It's good to dream. Oh yeah, I did NOT have sexual relations with Monica Lewinsky that I can remember, honestly...but, golly....thanks for the uber chic handbag chica. My willingness to slither within the ranks Jessica Cutler's army is disturbing yes and another story for another day, $400 for ass-fucking and democracy is nuthin'. :D

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The Sky Is Falling

I awoke this morning to news that a possible meteorite passed over our Washington skies at approximately 2:45 a.m., I wish I could have seen such a glorious event, but alas, I was suspended in slumber and didn't hear the "boom". This picture of the event (?) found on the CBS news site, looks suspiciously like sperm to me. They think the spermy meteorite landed in the rural trailer park littered Chehalis, just south of the Capitol city Olympia and the mythology begins. "It just lit up the mountain ridges, and the first thing I thought of was al Qaeda." -British Columbia trucker...Thanks BC guy, not that we're paranoid or anything but I do find it suspicious that George Tenet chose today to resign from the CIA. Let's just chalk this whole episode off to Scott Adam's (yep, the Dilbert fella) God Debris theory and God in all his glory and penchant for creation, shot off an errant load of um...space jiz...and if that's the case, do we earthlings spit or swallow? Somewhere in Chehalis Washington is a blue dress with the alleged celestial evidence and in the coming days the truth will be told. :D


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Wednesday, June 02, 2004
Weekend Residue

Well, here we have it, the unofficial beginning of Summer. Chubby, pasty humanoids showing ripped dimpled flesh, "I'm too sexy for my cellulite". My weekend was comprised of watching my Niece Hanna's Ballet Recital, which of course, she shined like no other. Saturday was devoted to time at IKEA along with thousands of others wanting to save the 8.8% sales tax courtesy of the savvy Swedes. It was like Disneyland at peak time....It was like a bad episode of Rawhide..(moo)..It was beyond comprehension.

I'm in the midst's of replacing all the funkified furniture in my apartment, I figured I'm forty now and having bricks and pressboard shelves is just a little too um....how you say...lazy. This Ikea mission was devoted to desks. I needed a new work area for the clay which is collecting dust as of late and I thought a new work table would inspire a burst of creativity. I bought a huge table, a watering can, cool little desk lamp and some area rugs.....all of which are still in the living room unpacked. The shock of shopping in Ikea with all those other people wore me the fuck out. Just knowing that thousands of others were touching the same items I was looking at grossed me out to no end. Also, having Ikea shopping carts and yellow shopping bags shoved into my backside almost brought out a rage like no other, but I didn't want to send my shopping partners over the edge with a sensory laden anxiety attack so I sucked it up and spit out "excuse me's" with cleched jaw by the minute. Everyone was in the "Ikea" zone....shove the kids in the play room and take no prisoners, must buy cheap swedish crap! That they did and so did I and we all saved not 10%, not 20% but, an astonishing 8.8%. Not having the luxury of my usual anxiety attack and public rant about personal space I passed out for three hours when I got home. Shopping is hard. :D

Sunday, I worked, it was dead because here in the Northwest most people don't think to go to the mall when they could be out camping in the rain.

Monday, I tweaked out the current blog template, because change is good and If I were a cat I'd be Bucky from the Get Fuzzy cartoons, moody, sarcastic and just plain lovable, ouch.

And there you have it, my memorial day weekend. After viewing my favorite blogs yesterday morning I found that half of them are on hiatus for the summer or they have a deadline. Some bloggers are having writers block, mindmelts and or have been tapped of all blogging ability. Some just have tremendous hangovers from the three day weekend and may or may not blog again this week or this lifetime. Some bloggers are considering out sourcing their blogs to India. Fear not, I'm not going anywhere...entries may be sporadic....but I'll be here, with my unassembled Ikea items, my pasty white flesh, my dimpled thighs, my books and my spew.

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