When Bush got into office he had a surplus of money. Now there's like a $70 trillion dollar deficit. Now, just imagine you worked at the Gap.(Laughter)

You're closing out your register, and there's $70 trillion dollars short.(Laughter)

The average person would get in trouble for something like that, right?(Laughter-Applause) Not Bush, no.

He started a war, that's cool, support the troops, he started a war. Now just imagine you worked at the Gap.(Laughter)

You're $70 trillion behind on your register, and then you start a war with the Banana Republic...(Laughter) 'cause you say they got toxic tank-tops over there.(Laughter)

You have the war. People are dying. A thousand Gap employees dead, that's right, bleeding all over the khakis.(Laughter)

You finally take over Banana Republic and find out, they never made tank-tops in the first place.(Laughter-Applause)

I missed most of the Oscars, but I finally caught Chris Rocks opening monologue at Talk Left, and I must say, I laughed my ass off. Okay, okay, I laughed and my ass just jiggled, but I the thought of laughing my ass off is intriguing. And as for all the people pissed at Chris for dissing on Jude Law, chill out, Jude Law is laughing all the way to the bank and I'm certain he's baking cupcakes for every movie set out there now, while reading scripts for his next batch of films, of course.

Who can say, but just knowing he has the option is comforting. All of this rumbling of a Hillary Clinton VS. Condi Rice 2008 Presidential Election makes me want to shit in the woods and use stinging nettles to wipe. WTF? Don't get me wrong, I believe this Country of ours needs a female President, like, yesterday. The Presidential glass ceiling needs to be shattered once and for all, but, can you image the hate-fest that an election like that would incite? Some men would quiver and not in a good way. Snipers would be asking top dollar and probably get it from crazed bastards that have serious mommie issues, good times!

For a nation as progressive as ours, it is still bound to a patriarchal sensibility that is fucking beyond ludicrous. It's time for the chicks to shine and two women running for the top spot in our government would blow the all the pundits away. Imagine Hillary weaving effortlessly through the bullshit and bitchslapping the nay sayers along the way. Imagine Condi spinning the spin until she gets dizzy and lands on her elegant ass. The blogosphere would combust with vitriolic spew and the probability of a mythomania epidemic is ensured. Gosh, I'm getting excited just thinking of all the possibilities, sounds exciting and scary, you know, like when you lick the top of a 9 volt battery, zing!

Cheap shot. Cheap, cheap shot, Theresa. In my defense, you couldn't have asked during a worse time. Four midterms in four days kinda time. BUT! After a week from hell I'm ready to address the task at hand! A week late!

When I got Theresa's message, I swear to god I actually came up with something to post. I was proud of myself. The problem was, my mind didn't realize that, just by coming up with the post, I didn't actually post it online. It's a real problem. Anyway, though, here it is: I hate Bush. I really, really hate Bush. This is clearly on the record, just look at any post I made before November. But ever since the election...I've almost been divorced from politics. I stopped reading all the progressive blogs, only skim the paper, and never, ever watch any of the cable news shows. I've even cut back on the daily show! It's a little disturbing. I feel like I've given up, resigned myself to another four years of blundering mistakes, and have accepted it all. And, after accepting it all, I've seem to decided that I can't be bothered to know what's going on. I want to recaputre some of the pre-election passion I had. It just isn't there anymore. I don't know. Maybe when we attack Iran I'll get back in the spirit. We can only hope, right?

On the non-political front is the book world. Full disclosure, first: I have not read a book that isn't related to Chinese history, international relations of Asia, or economics since Christmas. And even then I didn't read any of the new Big books, so my ensuing discussion, learned as it may seem to be, is in fact full of crap. The Morning News held their first annual tournament of books this year, and the winner was David Mitchell's Cloud Atlas. Obviously, I haven't read it yet. But I want to read it! I read Ghostwritten by Mitchell a few years ago and absolutely loved it. What was most suprising about the tournament, though, was Tom Wolfe's success. He made it to the semi-finals, for god's sake. Now, I like Tom Wolfe. I don't love him. In fact, I never really understood why he is considered this great social commentator. Again, I obviously haven't read Charlote Simmons yet (and I doubt I ever will), but...I mean, did ANYONE (besides Bush, that is....and, uhm, the judges at the tournament) actually like the book? I didn't read one mediocre review of it, let alone a good one. People tore it to shreds. And after seeing him on the Daily Show I can guess why. The man is just so out of touch with youthful society. I'm in college now. Maybe my school is just a geek school (which is a distinct possibility), but I sure as hell aren't seeing any drunken orgies where the innocent are corrupted beyond redemption. Bah, whatever.

I'm now late for Japanese.

I had a great vacation, I'm exhausted and sore, but I had a fabulous time and its good to see Andy reacts to my delegating of blog posts as well as he reacts to delegating tasks at the bookstore. Kudos Andy! That aside, now that I'm back from my gallivanting aboot, I have yet to scope the blog-scene via my blogroll, which I will do shortly as I saw little news and I'm five days behind on current events (reminds me of High School, hmm). What little news I did get to see was that the Pope is Robo-Pope now, and will most likely be kept alive mercilessly by doctors and the twisted grace of the almighty. I feel for the guy, you serve your master, then he tortures you in old age, I bet that wasn't in the job description! Now I surf.....you have been warned.

Her Cupieness is off to lands unknown for a few days, how I do love the airport molestations and strangers breathing on me and sucking up my share of the oxygen, selfish bastards--Good Times! *happy dance* :|

I've asked Andy to remove himself, if only momentarily, from his studies to contribute something, anything a freakin' morsel of writing, eh bub? :D Please? Thanks.

Okay, you all have a most loverly week, I'll be back on Monday with a bright shiny smile and just a wee less attitude...or not.

Right, if showing your titties to a Gorilla is a bizarre sexual act, it kinda makes you wonder if Fay Ray taunted King Kong with her boobage, but then I guess that opens up that whole "she asked for it" bullshit. King Kong fetishes aside, Koko is well known for her ability to sign up to 1,000 words, including that of pointing to her nipples when she wants to see the nipples of whom she is signing with. We were unaware of her Sapphic leanings and her admiration for bare breasts, but then again she is a Gorilla and naked most of the time and all nipples are different, I'm sure Koko was just doing a medical study of some sort, yeah, that's the ticket.

The top 100 gadgets has been listed of which I've owned:

98. PEZ DISPENSER, 1927: I used to have quite a few and then I realized that it was kinda gross; a head that shoots candy from the neck, yum. The candy kinda sucked too.

89. Rubiks Cube: We had one and I'm certain one of us kids had figured it out, then we grew up, the hormones kicked in and we could barely write our names, sigh.

77. HASBRO LITE-BRITE, 1967: For me it was eyeball therapy; I had to wear special glasses one red lenz, one green and I could only use the red and green pegs. I didn't mind so much, it was an hour alone in my parents bedroom so my siblings wouldn't bug me while made pretty green & red pictures. BTW, I'm blind as bat, maybe it helped, maybe it didn't but those moments alone were cherished and the first sign that I enjoyed time spent away from the human race. :D

68. NOKIA 5100 SERIES CELL PHONE: I loved that phone, mine had a smoky transparent cover so the green lights shined through like little aliens had a message for me, lol. Bweep.

60. ABACUS, 190 A.D.: We had one around the house when I was a kid, I knew it was used to calculate, I just couldn't figure out how, it hurt my brain. However, it did make for a great rhythm instrument.

57. MATTEL MAGIC 8-BALL, 1946: I still have one on my desk at work and I frequently ask "Magic Eight Ball, will I ever find my true love?" and it replies "My sources say no" each and every fucking time since I was a kid. I have one on my computer desk at home to and just asked the same question again, its reply: "STFU already". Fucking toys.

50. ETCH-A-SKETCH, 1960: It's a must for any doodler and I still have one I keep for the rare times during the week when my brain wants to do nothing other than to doodle temporary doodles of greatness.

23. TELEPHONE, 1876: One ringy dingy, Two ringy dingy--I still remember the dial phones and the great clicking noise it made when you dialed.

And that's it, all the high tech toys have passed me by, which is probably for the better, because my curiosity gets the best of me sometimes. I like to see how things work, which is why I no longer own a record player, a remote for my VCR and various other objects de tech. As Dorothy Parker once stated; "The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity." La Di da!

Calculate your social security under Bush's proposed plan. As for me, I'll lose a serious chunk of change, the good news is is that I might be able to afford gourmet cat food vs. the generic brands, pardon me whilst I salivate. [link via: All I'm Saying]

Gonzo isn't a Marx brother. Gonzo is form of journalism that changed the scene, like warm piss melts the snow, it changed the dynamic's of journalism forever. If it weren't for the likes of Thompson, I'm not sure the blogosphere would be what it is today, but with gonzo journalism comes the backlash in the form of Fox News, lol, alllllrighty then....Hunter S. Thompson 1937-2005 RIP.

And I do mean RAGE:

WASHINGTON, DC -- The Department of Labor has publicly defended its apparent sweetheart deal with Wal-Mart by claiming that the deal is similar to agreements that the Department signed with Sears in 1999 and with Foot Locker in 2000.

But an analysis released today that compares those two agreements with the Wal-Mart agreement, signed in January of this year, shows that there are significant differences between them. The analysis was completed by the Democratic staff of the House Education and the Workforce Committee.

Representative George Miller (D-Calif.), the senior Democrat on that committee, has requested an Inspector General investigation of the arrangement between Wal-Mart and the Department of Labor. Under the arrangement, Wal-Mart will be allowed 15 days to investigate and rectify employee complaints before DOL conducts any investigation.

Miller said that such an arrangement could allow the giant employer to cover up evidence of a violation and would discourage aggrieved employees who might fear retribution from the company.

Neither Wal-Mart nor the Department of Labor has so far offered any support to explain why this arrangement is acceptable, said Miller. "This looks like a sweetheart deal that would help Wal-Mart's executives and hurt its workers."
more here.

Wal Mart is like that one person in your family that dresses really nice, gives okay presents and then cuts the living shit out of you and your family when not in your presence.
Wal Mart is destroying mom & pop shops across the nation, Wal Mart treats some of their employee's like shit.

Wal-Mart has lawsuits pending against it in 38 states over allegations of cheating employees out of overtime pay. It has locked employees in its stores overnight to reduce theft. And it's the defendant in a class-action suit alleging sex discrimination against more than a million past and present female employees.

Wal Mart buys cheap shit from third world countries (so they can feed their family a nice warm slop for dinner), the same shit your brother, father, mother, sister, etc...made until they closed the shit factory here in America, because Wal Mart wouldn't buy their expensive shit.

They play this wholesome 'our team is our family crap' in the media and at this rate, in the future, you and your family will be working at Wal Mart.
My State is making strides to bitch slap the aggressive box giant Walmart is.

Three Wal-Mart executives from the chain's Bentonville, Ark., headquarters arrived in Olympia yesterday to try to fend off legislation that would force large companies to pay for health insurance

My opinion: pay the shit mother fuckers. :)

OLYMPIA -- Taking a lesson from Tumwater's recent history with Wal-Mart, the Olympia City Council is seeking a moratorium on new big-box retailers. No retail giants have approached the city for permits recently, but officials said they don't want to wait until an application comes in, when it would be too late.

Today's One Finger Salute Award goes to Wal Mart and their rape of Retail as we knew it. Sure, a lot of us are on budgets and Wal Mart makes it convenient for us to buy the shit cheap, I'd suggest cutting coupon's, I know you can buy high-carb, high-fat goodies at your local grocery store for cheap, my jiggly ass is proof of that. I think Wal Mart should stop its taking over of America or play the game fairly, which I doubt will ever happen as long as their in Bush's pockect. Fuck Wal Mart and their smiley face logo bullshit. I LOATHE Wal Mart.

Make your own bumper sticker, cleek dee pic. [via: Side Salad] (will the pilfering ever end? Doubtful.)
You all have a terrific Sunday :D

You scored as Goofy. Your alter ego is Goofy! You are fun and great to be around, and you are always willing to help others. You arn't worried about embarrassing yourself, so you are one who is more willing to try new things. Goofy 81% Sleeping Beauty 75% Peter Pan 75% Ariel 69% The Beast 69% Donald Duck 56% Pinocchio 50% Cinderella 44% Cruella De Ville 38% Snow White 13% Which Disney Character is your Alter Ego? created with QuizFarm.com

After the last link (end O' dee whirrled) might as well thumb your way through the universe or say....watch the movie trailer, whatever. [via: Irate Weirdos]

Ho-kay, I bring to you the END OF THE WORLD and all the Austrailian's say: WTF mates? Doot, doot, doo!
Fucking Kangaroos. [hysterically funny link pilfered from Side Salad]

My diagnosis helped me figure out the right work scenario -I am my own boss now- but it also renewed my struggle to find my place in the world. I have always felt I was living in a slightly different universe than everyone else, my own little planet spinning on an axis tilted just a little past Earth's. Knowing about my AD/HD has helped me understand what planet I'm from. Now I'm working on communicating better with the earthlings.

I have never been officially diagnosed with anything other than that little "binge-drinker" business in the 90's and really, who didn't binge in the 90's? That is until the bubble burst, oh yeah, and the misery that is my hip and back (the pain is back, lucky me). My sister who has an ADD child we'll call her "mini-me" reads up the subject frequently and found this little ditty of an article that I totally related to. I have to re-read most things as to have a full understanding as to what the fuck I just read. Reading a book can take awhile unless I completely shut down all other activities such as blogging or anything having to do with a computer.

I've got all the symptoms of ADHD, a nice little addictive mindset, compulsions that border on obsessive and the attention span of gnat on crack. You'd think I was from another planet. As a child I can remember each and every incident when the light came on in my wee little head, OHhhhhhhh, thats how you read!!! OHHHhhhhh...That's what that switch is for! Ohhhhh....That's what the teacher meant by homework! All these revelations happened months or years after the average student got the gist of it all, but hey, I got it, finally.

I'm a daydreamer, a doodler and at business meetings I draw masterpieces during power point presentations that rival Da Vinci's and then have to follow up on the presentation with a co-worker, after I promise to give them the doodled masterpiece. I know I'm smarter than the average bear, unfortunately bears don't take SAT's, bears don't have to make a financial living or have to worry about taxes. As my sister learns more about "Mini-me", I learn more about myself. At times my creative compulsions take over, I'd spend hours in my biology class drawing and labeling human organs but the teacher expected the same from written assignments, the fucker.

"[sic]... The two places you're likely to find adults with AD/HD are at the highest ranks of leadership, visionary entrepreneurs, brilliant artists, superstar entertainers, and on our nation's couches, unemployed and discouraged. AD/HD can be an enormous advantage if the situation is right. Unfortunately, the world is full of wrong situations."

This is very true, ever since high school I've always been a leader: President of the Art Club, in the community theater group I went from stage-managing to director in a very short time and at work I went from part-time bookseller to manager-in-training within 6 months of being hired, I so fucking rock! Each and every position I held as leader was chock full of errors and again, until the light in my cluttered Cupie brain came on, it was all blind posturing, but of course, I looked good doing it.

The term for our condition is still evolving. Doctors first called it "Morbid Defect of Moral Control" (that fits me sometimes). For a while researchers thought it was brain damage and called it "Minimal Brain Dysfunction." ADD became the official term in 1980, morphing to AD/HD in 1994.

Morbid Defect of Moral Control??? No comment, heh. What I do know about myself is that sometimes I'm all over the board, this looks interesting, that looks interesting and once I've conquered it, I'm done with it. I live in a world of books, my walls are lined with volumes ranging from art to science. I have floor stacks throughout the house of political essays and Get Fuzzy cartoons. I have art supplies up the ying-yang, everything from rubber stamps to unpainted canvas's; there are a million and one things I want to learn, do and see, but it takes a serious amount of focus if I want to finish anything.

Today's society needs a diagnoses for the slightest of dysfunctions, annoying to be sure, but what we learn from it can only help us understand the why's of why we do the things we do. "Mini-me" is a dreamer like me, she's creative and talented to no end AND she's a little strange like me and understanding how ADD and ADHD works will only help "Mini-me" to be the best she can be and hopefully she won't struggle with compulsions and addictions like I have throughout the years.

One thing that has helped with my "Minimal Brain Dysfunction" has been blogging. I've centralized my interests so that I'm not all over the board as much. I have to think before I spew if I want to be taken seriously. My planet is a candy store of ideas and thoughts that come to fruition once I've written about them. Blogging is my form of medication that helps me be less the freak I once thought I was and the "misunderstood genius" I really am. *strikes a pose*

The Daily Show rocksmyworld@blogspot.com I'm not related to Hitler, I can't even fathom why Pandas would be tasty, drunk or sober, with all these shortcomings, will my blog traffic suffer? Or will my non-exsistent technorati ranking decline to depths of the Blogosphere abyss? I haven't cared thus far and most likely won't give a shit until it pays the bills, LMFAO. Mmmmmkay. :| Watch the funny stuff.

I'm still mystified by this story. I was rejected for a White House press pass at the start of the Bush administration, but someone with an alias, a tax evasion problem and Internet pictures where he posed like the "Barberini Faun" is credentialed to cover a White House that won a second term by mining homophobia and preaching family values?

Silly Maureen, all you have to do to get in the good graces of the White House is to hate on homosexuals, belittle the Terrosist Abortionists and show your one way ticket to heaven, don't cha know.

If you've been watching any of the new season of Idol, you'll notice that Paula Abdul got her bitch on this season. She challenges Randy and Simon like a belligerent liberal on talk radio, sometimes the fights make no fucking sense. Other times she comes off like a self righteous and pompous conservative, insistent that her word is gospel, even bringing in the Producer into a fight over mediocre talent with the boys. Either Ms. Abdul has developed a multiple personality disorder or she's got the "pause" and her hormones have taken over. Most likely its the producers trying to liven up a show in its 4th season and boy, do we like to watch the crazy womninz, after all we're all nut jobs, eh? (One finger salute to the Idol producers) :)

You bet your ass they are and according to comedian/actor/sociologist Chris Rock all us "Gay" people watch the Oscars.

Chris Rock: Oscars only for 'gays'


(AP) - Was the choice of comedian Chris Rock to host this year's Oscars event a mistake?

That's what officials at Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences are said to be asking themselves in the wake of comments implying only homosexuals watch the Oscars, according to the Drudge Report.

"I never watched the Oscars. Come on, it's a fashion show," Rock recently said. "No one performs; it's not like a music show. What straight black man sits there and watches the Oscars? Show me one!"

Rock added: "Awards for art are f---ing idiotic."


Academy members are reportedly privately calling for the 39-year-old comic to be removed as host, fearing Rock may "tarnish" the Academy's reputation.

"Simply put, this is a disgrace," one veteran Hollywood mogul told Drudge. "This guy is out there saying 'awards for art are f---ing idiotic' and he is hosting the show produced by the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences? I guess the joke is on us!"

An actress nominated for an award is said to question whether producer Gil Cates was aware that Rock had never seen the show.

And how was Rock chosen by the producer?

"Billy [Crystal] is doing a show in New York," Cates said, "Steve Martin is doing a movie. ..."

Rock interrupted the producer to continue, saying, "Ellen DeGeneres has crabs. Jay Leno's got a gig. They got to the R's. Burt Reynolds said no."

The former cast member of NBC's "Saturday Night Live" was confident in his ability to host the show.

"How do I say this without sounding like an egomaniac?" he said. "I don't know a comedian that sells more seats than me in the red states and blue states, so I don't see where I have to change that much."

"I think Hollywood deserves better than this," opined Matt Drudge on his nationally broadcast radio program tonight. "Just go host-less."

Personally, I thought this was kinda funny. Chris Rock talking smack will only increase ratings. On the other hand, who the fuck does Matt Drudge think he is? Just because you leaked the Lewinsky story doesn't mean your the moral spine of America dude, chill the fuck out. Rock is an instigator, a realist and most importantly, a comedian and as the Team Cho Blog points out:

When was the last time you heard a white comic under fire for something provocative s/he said? Every night, a slew of white male comedians say at least one thing I consider anti-woman, anti-gay, and/or racist, and I can't remember any of them getting called on any of it. I specifically remember Dennis Miller NOT being called out on what he said at a Bush fundraiser about Kerry and Edwards acting gay.

Get over it Drudge, we'd hate to open a can of worms we don't want to have to eat.

Happy Thursday People!

A chess set formally owned by Charlemagne, a female computer specialist circa 1973, Napoleon, Catherine The Great, the French Revolution, The Music Of The Spheres,Algeria, OPEC, The Periodic Table Of Elements, a wee little dog and her mistress and Khadafi--say what? All of the above play a part in Katherine Neville's The Eight. White Queens, Black Kings, pawns and rooks-I don't know nuthin' bout birthin' no chess game Ms. Scarlett-but, I loved the fast paced race to save the world from itself. I loved it! Do ignore the Amazon reviews, angry over-thinkers that undoubtedly are not published , however, do read the book. It was published in 1989 and maybe you have read it already, I'm kinda slow to the get go on things and I believe you experience things or read certain books when the time is right in your own life and it was the right time for me.

I've got this thing going on, when I look at the clock the time usually reads as 1:11, 2:22, 3:33, 4:44 and 5:55, it kinda creeps me out a bit. My employee's know when I'm near a clock at any given time during the day because they hear "d'oh" or "Whoa" coming from a very baffled me. If I were to believe the stuff I've read on the internet I've found correlating to my latest quirk, you'd find that I am divine and God has a message for me, please let it be the lottery God, thanks. Anyhoo, this quirk brought me to The Eight, apparently and coincidentally it was the right moment in time for moi to devour the book. How I do enjoy the freaky connectivity of our existence.

I won't go into the character development or the story line for that matter, that's up to you to decipher; I'm not a reviewer of books as much as I am a lover of a good story. I'm fascinated by what we refuse to learn from history and constantly amazed by how everything in some way, is connected and this book plays into that. What I will say is that I enjoyed it immensely and that it was book number 3 in the 50 Book Challenge (yeah, I'm a little behind if I want to meet my goal, but I will, no worries, really...um...).

Love, because you can.
Love--like a smile vs. a frown--it takes less muscle action , unless your into that whole Tantric bullshit and who's got time for that shit? I'm single, could ya tell? Fuck Off. : ;) =P [via: DS]
Love, because hate will eat your fucking soul and you'll surely rot before your expiration date.
Love, don't be a swarmy mother-fucker and love 'em and leave 'em (unless mutually agreed upon prior to act of fornication), plus it just shows how much you don't love yourself. I so love myself, nightly even. ;) Shut up.
Love, is not sex.
Love is the greatest gift of all, no refunds, no exchanges.
Love is giving, the Old Hag believes this and I do to, do it, share one goddamned thing to make someone elses life all the more better. How I do love and respect the Old Hag, that Lizzie wench rocks my literary world. Peace baby, xoxo.
Love the fact your alive now, the alternative is um....dark.
Love is love is love, don't think the limitations of your religion can decide that for anyone. Love is above your thoughts and actions. Love is infinite, unchanging and undeniably the best gift the creator gave us.
I love that you stopped by my blog and read this loverly shit, I respect you for reading the whole damn thing!
Have a beautiful evening lovers!

I've been watching the Grammy's tonight and golly the opening grouping of performers rocked, Alicia Keys is a freakin' Goddess, Green Day won for best rock album and their performance so rocked. The good ol' boys rocked out to some crazy kick ass hillbilly bar rock; I can't even begin to tell you how many times I've flicked my bic and screamed Free Bird!! in my life, yes, even at the Prince concert and once at my parents predominantly black church (heavy on the gospel, I got my groove on which incidentally is better than getting your groove off, especially in public).

Joss Stone did a super swell job of honoring Janis Joplin she's young and eventually she'll be one of the greats, but it was Melissa Etheridge in all of her bald glory that shined while singing Peace Of My Heart, I bet Janis smiled and wondered wtf was up with Ms. Etheridge, I did too, that is until I remembered the breast cancer, ain't life grand? You bet your ass it is!!! Ask Kayne West, you don't even need to ask Mr. Tim "Live Like You Were Dying" McGraw.

The hottest couple of the evening was not Mr & Mrs. Anthony (yawn) it was Jack White and his sexy bitch Loretta Lynn, Ms. Zellweger move over hon, Loretta and Jack were HOT!

History in the making? Velvet Revolver backed the all-star chorus singing the Beatle's Across The Universe which some of the proceeds will go to Tsunami victims, faboo.

John Mayer winning for song of the year for Daughters. Hey, did I mention that John Mayer would look fucking excellent...in my bed. Yep. :D

Okay, its late (11:09) and the damn Grammy's are still on, whatever happens, or has previously happened in your time zone, I'm going to miss, must catch hours of beauty sleep, hell, a coma might be called for, but for now the standard 7 hours will have to do, until tomorrow...Adieu.

Blogs are hard work and sometimes, I could give a rat's ass about posting, apparently "rat asses" were my blue-light special last week. You can call me Auntie Social. I was busy reading, busy living a very un-cyber of no political web pages or cable news networks, watching tons of lame ass sit-coms in reruns and reaquainting myself with um...exercise (I knew that recumbent bicycle wasn't just a dust collector and had a purpose).

What did I miss by not blogging about Charles and Camilla's impending nuptials or reading the gazillions of opinions about North Korea whippin' out their nuclear penis and dippin' it in chocolate, tell what did I miss?

First off, Charles and Camilla should've gotten married in the first fucking place instead of ciphering DNA from a pretty blonde. Secondly, as for Korea's nuclear penis, go ahead, threaten the world, blow us up, we'll blow you up and then no one will have a goddamned thing to govern, its all about death and taxes anyways and besides, you can dip that nuclear penis in chocolate all you want, I'm not going to lick it.

Anyhoo, I will attempt to post regularly this week, I can't imagine not sharing my meaningless opinions to the masses, its just not fair to you all. I have secretly attached the Starjack 3000 to all the news makers out there and will report frequently. Have a terrific Sunday.
[Starjack Link via BWE]

Not! What I am doing is spending my time at home finishing up a couple of books, both of which are fascinating and I'll tell you about them in a future post. Have a loverly Thursday and I'll blog at you soon.

Waste time by shooting the Great Gonzo through the air. As for me, I have to go fling books about. Have a happy Gonzon-flingin' Tuesday.

We are what we are. I've know straight guys that have come off as the stereotypical 'gay' man, I've known gay men that seem stereotypically straight and the same can be said of the women I know. You never know or rather, my gaydar is fucked up become compare (true, true). When I connect with a person it's not about their sexuality, it's about the 'connect', one soul to another, I dig where that person is coming from, I don't question if they're a top or bottom, I just love their sensibilities, their look, above all their mind. God and politics don't define our relationship, we define it. I read this post tonight and it broke my heart, because it affected a child, an innocent, who said:

"I'm not a fag if I don't want to have a girlfriend, am I'"

His mother's reply:

"You are not a fag, period. It doesn?t matter if you like girls, or if you like boys. It doesn't matter at all. And you are not a fag no matter what. It's a hateful word that stupid people use to hurt each other."

A "fag" is chiefly British. Fatiguing or tedious work; drudgery or rather, a cigarette in England. A "fag" is also sacred slang homosexuals use as a term of endearment towards each other as much as African-Americans use the word "nigger" amongst themselves. 'Tis not for others not of the same ilk to use as a slam. Note to the public: know what the fuck your saying when you say it, don't be an ignorant asschimp, when you do say such things it shows your lack of education or want of enlightenment and those who know better laugh at your sorry, stupid and fearful ass.

We are what we are, we are not you, we are not them, we are ourselves in all of its imperfections and perfections, we are individually sublime in our own skins and no one can say otherwise, period.

LET us be grateful that Janet Jackson did not bare both breasts.

"On the first anniversary of the Super Bowl wardrobe malfunction that shook the world, it's clear that just one was big enough to wreak havoc. The ensuing Washington indecency crusade has unleashed a wave of self-censorship on American television unrivaled since the McCarthy era, with everyone from the dying D-Day heroes in "Saving Private Ryan" to cuddly animated animals on daytime television getting the ax. Even NBC's presentation of the Olympics last summer, in which actors donned body suits to simulate "nude" ancient Greek statues, is currently under federal investigation."

Janet Jackson's boobage is still making the news, damn if breasts aren't the new EVE; instead of being spurned from the Garden of Eden, television is heading back to the days of "Leave it to Beaver". Now I don't know about you, but I'd much rather stare at a naked breat than a Beaver anyday. Thanks, and have a loverly day. ;)

Mmmmmkay, if you say so. I'd rather not shoot anything, If I say so myself and I do, on Tuesdays, I don't promote violence or violins for that matter, but hey, they sound pretty. What I do promote is our military, after all, they are the backbone of our freedom. Recently Lieutenant General James N. Mattis stated that "It's fun to shoot some people". Ooopsie. Maybe he could have used better language to get his point across to the masses, maybe not. Personally, I'm all red state when it comes down to protecting our nation (shocked? Don't be, I like the whole survival-of-the-fittest thing), because, I'm a realist and like the cockroach, plan on living out my preordained life cycle. To do just that, on this earth, we need the military, if anything but to protect us from ourselves and our leader, lol, mmmkay.

This is not a perfect world, it can never be perfect, because of our personal perceptions of "perfect", it's different to all of us and respectfully so. The bottom line is acceptance of diversity, the acceptance of all the differences that make us globe squatters what we are. We are fucking outrageous specimens of evolution, we are blessed and fortunate enough to exist and debate our existence.

As callous as the Lieutenant's words were, it's what he was trained to believe and without that training we wouldn't be here. Love him or hate him, but without him and the likes of him, we would not exist.

There ya have it, tell me otherwise, say what you will, but in the reality of it all, he said what he meant and we all know an "elephant is faithful one hundred percent", whether we like it or not. I would love for the world to be a pillar of democracy, peace and freedom, but my thoughts aren't 'their' thoughts and that should be respected, unless you think its cool to lob my fucking head off for being an example of liberty, then you better step back bitch, 'cause karma will ram you in the ass when you least expect it and there ain't enough astroglide on this planet to excuse your sorry fucking ignorance.

This is not the Garden of Eden, nor is it the Utopia of literary prose. We exist here on Earth by chance, by the grace of whatever God you choose and in order to survive, we need to defend our beliefs with the likes of men who are trained to abolish our enemies, I don't condone it, but I live with it, because I have and need to. .
[via: Ms]

I remember him from the Cosby Show, I don't think he wore a funky sweater that I can remember, but fuck if there weren't a shitload of sweater wearing studs in the 80's. He was a noble and righteous man--may he rest in peace.

I have a cold and have to work, we are not happy. The nose won't stop running, if I could get my legs to run like my nose, I'd be an Olympic gold medalist. Ack! So, instead of thinking I give you random links of craziness:

Barbie, where art thou?

Osama captured!

Penis Hammered Off Baggage Handler Statue

Smell my armpits!

Ironic protest crap!

Okay, that's all I got, *achoo* *snivel*, blet....above links were pilfered from here, here and there. Have a terrific Friday!

Those crazy creative types:

I was working at a very upscale place in The Meatpacking District. One night Jonathan Franzen walked in alone and ordered a whole pie and requested four plates. I found this a little odd as he was alone but brought him the pie and the plates. Mr. Franzen then proceeded to cut four tiny slices of pie and put them on each of the plates. He then said to me, as he pointed to each of the plates: "This one is for Dave Eggers, this one is for Michael Chabon, this one is for Rick Moody, and this one is for David Foster Wallace." He then pointed to the rest of the pie, which was most of it, and said:"And this is mine, all mine".
He tipped really well, about 100% of the bill.

Waiters and waitresses spew at bitterwaitress.com, kiss their bitter asses. [via: bs]

Okay, was it just me or did Bush seem kind of giddy tonight? I'm thinking Laura gave up the goodies just prior or perhaps a promise of immediately afterwards, kept our commander in chief in good spirits. The cynic in me thinks perhaps President Bush smiled so much because his med's were altered just a tad or he just amped by way of testosterone up before the big speech (puffy eyes, smiley, smiley :D ). Whatever the case, I watched and shall now comment to the best of MY ability.

In my best Janis Joplin: I'd like to do a blog post of great social and political import.....

"Two weeks ago, I stood on the steps of this Capitol and renewed the commitment of our Nation to the guiding ideal of liberty for all."

Unless your gay, or have gay tendencies or look at your same sex as a dietary supplement.

"Now, as we see a little gray in the mirror - or a lot of gray - and we watch our children moving into adulthood, we ask the question: What will be the state of their union?"

ADHD meds for adults (feeding the pharms 2nd morgage & Internet Porn (free of pop-ups, unless you actually pop, up, then by all means, pop.)

"America's economy is the fastest growing of any major industrialized nation. In the past four years, we have provided tax relief to every person who pays income taxes, overcome a recession, opened up new markets abroad, prosecuted corporate criminals, raised homeownership to the highest level in history, and in the last year alone, the United States has added 2.3 million new jobs. When action was needed, the Congress delivered - and the Nation is grateful."

2.3 million minimum wage jobs doesn't and will never pay the bills, hehe, sorry all about it, deal suckah.

"America's prosperity requires restraining the spending appetite of the federal government."

Unless we need to invade and democratize your sorry ass.

"I welcome the bipartisan enthusiasm for spending discipline."

Liberals and liberal initiatives need not apply, thanks.

"My budget substantially reduces or eliminates more than 150 government programs that are not getting results, or duplicate current efforts, or do not fulfill essential priorities."

Give us (the people of the republic) a list of all 150 now with all the appropriate facts and then we the people will let you know if WE the people want those programs gone or restructured.

"Under the No Child Left Behind Act, standards are higher, test scores are on the rise, and we are closing the achievement gap for minority students. Now we must demand better results from our high schools, so every high school diploma is a ticket to success."

Um, entry level minimum wage jobs at retail establishments or fast food fat farms is hardly success, it pays the rent, but, don't count on eating, insurance and clothing, mmmkay.

"To make our economy stronger and more competitive, America must reward, not punish, the efforts and dreams of entrepreneurs. Small business is the path of advancement, especially for women and minorities, so we must free small businesses from needless regulation and protect honest job-creators from junk lawsuit."

Wal Mart will gladly hire your sorry entrepreneurial ass!

"To make our economy stronger and more productive, we must make health care more affordable, and give families greater access to good coverage, and more control over their health decisions."

We are immediately giving tax credits to all pharmaceutical company's and will give Wal Mart a tax credit for hiring your butt.

"To keep our economy growing, we also need reliable supplies of affordable, environmentally responsible energy."

We've got Iraq's oil, no fears.

"Year after year, Americans are burdened by an archaic, incoherent federal tax code."

We have developed a tax code that will help.

"America's immigration system is also outdated - unsuited to the needs of our economy and to the values of our country."

Basically, it takes the minimum wage jobs from whitey when you run for the border, yanno?

"Social Security was a great moral success of the 20th Century, and we must honor its great purposes in this new century."

Save your money bitches cat food will be costly in the future.

"Today, more than 45 million Americans receive Social Security benefits, and millions more are nearing retirement - and for them the system is strong and fiscally sound."

People enjoy selling their homes and besides, eating fucking cat food as an entree' is no longer for the bourgeois.

"During the 1990s, my predecessor, President Clinton, spoke of increasing the retirement age."

So do it muthafukah, respectfully, of course. We live longer, have better and more costly meds that keep us all frankenstiened to the edge of existence, do it, play the game better, mmmkay. And yes, we liberals we're diggin' on the Clinton mention, keep your friends close, your enemies closer, nice hand there.

"I will listen to anyone who has a good idea to offer."

.
Except for you gays, terrorists womenz that have had abortions, and you sick fucks that are in favor of stem cell research. Sorry about that, I'm on a schedule. *smile* *Laura gave me some hot shit tonight, *smile* *.

"Our second great responsibility to our children and grandchildren is to honor and to pass along the values that sustain a free society."

Abstain from pre-marital sex and pay your taxes kids!

"Because marriage is a sacred institution and the foundation of society, it should not be re-defined by activist judges. For the good of families, children, and society, I support a constitutional amendment to protect the institution of marriage.

We define Love, you WILL love who, WE THE GOVERNMENT, deem acceptable, we ARE God! Bow down, mmkay? *Free knee pads with every mandatory subscription*

"To build a culture of life, we must also ensure that scientific advances always serve human dignity, not take advantage of some lives for the benefit of others. We should all be able to agree on some clear standards."

WE THE GOVERNMENT will decide the life cycle, we know these things, we are God. If you agree with us, then you haven't thought it out completely, philosophically and logically and for that, we thank you. :D

"As President, I have a constitutional responsibility to nominate men and women who understand the role of courts in our democracy, and are well qualified to serve on the bench - and I have done so."

And God be damned, my purpose will be served, heh.

"Tonight I propose a three-year initiative to help organizations keep young people out of gangs, and show young men an ideal of manhood that respects women and rejects violence. Taking on gang life will be one part of a broader outreach to at-risk youth, which involves parents and pastors, coaches and community leaders, in programs ranging from literacy to sports. And I am proud that the leader of this nationwide effort will be our First Lady, Laura Bush."

Hot DAMN, that woman gave me some good love tonight...I wonder if Snoop and his posse really pimped that bitche's ass out? hmmmm, I smell Laura. *smile*

"Because HIV/AIDS brings suffering and fear into so many lives, I ask you to reauthorize the Ryan White Act to encourage prevention, and provide care and treatment to the victims of that disease. And as we update this important law, we must focus our efforts on fellow citizens with the highest rates of new cases, African-American men and women."

Sorry 'bout the whole enslavement thing, and no, the government had nothing to do with the making of any of those viruses, that I know of, heh.

"We will pass along to our children all the freedoms we enjoy - and chief among them is freedom from fear."

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." And that's the administration working for ya', your welcome.

"Police and firefighters, air marshals, researchers, and so many others are working every day to make our homeland safer, and we thank them all."

Not that you sucked before, it's just that we now know how to bank your payroll, with fear, tasty!

"Our country is still the target of terrorists who want to kill many, and intimidate us all - and we will stay on the offensive against them, until the fight is won."

With God on our side, we will succeed, heh. We are God, all omnipotent n' shit.

"In the next four years, my Administration will continue to build the coalitions that will defeat the dangers of our time."

Breed bitches, there will be no free will here, gotztah build da coalitions, yo.

"America will stand with the allies of freedom to support democratic movements in the Middle East and beyond, with the ultimate goal of ending tyranny in our world."

Laura's gonna dig that shit, I wonder if she'll do that thing again? Dayum.

"The United States has no right, no desire, and no intention to impose our form of government on anyone else."

That is, unless we don't dig your shit. I wonder how she did that? *smile*

"Our aim is to build and preserve a community of free and independent nations, with governments that answer to their citizens, and reflect their own cultures. And because democracies respect their own people and their neighbors, the advance of freedom will lead to peace."

Bill would like that shit, hell, Hillary would probably do me for saying that shit. I wonder if Bill has ever entertained the thought of me and Laura n' shit? I wonder if Laura would do that again...? Bill's kinda hot. *smile, slight wan, smile* *smirk*

"Tomorrow morning, Secretary of State Rice departs on a trip that will take her to Israel and the West Bank for meetings with Prime Minister Sharon and President Abbas."

I wanna see that bitch as much as I wanted to see fucking Powell's ass.

"To promote peace in the broader Middle East, we must confront regimes that continue to harbor terrorists and pursue weapons of mass murder."

Unless those regimes have something we want, everything is negotiable.

"Iran remains the world's primary state sponsor of terror - pursuing nuclear weapons while depriving its people of the freedom they seek and deserve."

You, Iran, have officially been served, beeyotch.

"And to the Iranian people, I say tonight: As you stand for your own liberty, America stands with you."

Ghandi get your gun.

"Americans recognize that spirit of liberty, because we share it. In any nation, casting your vote is an act of civic responsibility; for millions of Iraqis, it was also an act of personal courage, and they have earned the respect of us all."

Fucking Cheney and that cough, eat a God damned lozenge already, fucker.
"The terrorists and insurgents are violently opposed to democracy, and will continue to attack it. Yet the terrorists' most powerful myth is being destroyed."
Straight up.

"We will not set an artificial timetable for leaving Iraq, because that would embolden the terrorists and make them believe they can wait us out."

Breed.

"Some of our servicemen and women have survived terrible injuries, and this grateful country will do everything we can to help them recover."

We saved so much by denying the Navajo Code Talkers any military benefits, we can afford to help. Aren't we the savvy ones.

"Ladies and gentlemen, with grateful hearts, we honor freedom's defenders, and our military families, represented here this evening by Sergeant Norwood's mom and dad, Janet and Bill Norwood."

Agreed. Damn it. :|

"We are all part of a great venture: To extend the promise of freedom in our country, to renew the values that sustain our liberty, and to spread the peace that freedom brings."

Heh, I said "spread". *smile*

"Our generation has dreams of its own, and we also go forward with confidence. The road of Providence is uneven and unpredictable - yet we know where it leads: It leads to freedom. Thank you, and may God bless America."

God damn I've got a boner, where's Laura, ah there she is, fuck, I've gotta shake that fuckers hand, and that dude's hand, fuck. Heh, *smile*.

Stay away from my uterus and don't fuck with my free will with your God. You have NO control over who I choose to love, you cannot define love between consentual adults, you're just not in the formula dude, no offense, but, back the fuck off.
Radical reform results in radical revolt, one toe in the water at a time, sir. Unification demands respect, who could ask for anything more? I have to admit, Laura looked hot tonight, yep.

So, oh lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz.........that's it.

One Wedding, Two Brides, One Grave Misunderstanding, can't wait!