Of Oprah & Red Herrings

Ms. Winfrey confronts James Frey on her show last week and BWE has the video, you have been warned.

It rained cats & dogs last night, because as we know, cats & dogs have the rare ability to fall from the sky and make wet. Actually, "[an] ancient nautical myth which led sailors to believe that cats had some sort of influence over storms" and "according to the Vikings dogs were also a symbol of storms". How about that? Well, I slept like a baby because of the rain and oddly enough I spent some time reading Red Herrings & White Elephants this weekend so now I know why it rains cats & dogs or why it's best to Strike While The Iron Is Hot which means I need to get my ass to work. Have a loverly day!

Victory for HB 2661, get gay!

It's a matter of respect, an advance in the fight for equal rights for all in Washington State:

"The Senate passed the bill 25-23, with one Republican voting in favor. The House gave its final approval 61-37 a short time later. Gov. Christine Gregoire plans to sign the bill Tuesday."

But wait:

"Instead of a gay-rights law, you're going to have the law of unintended consequences. And the unintended consequences is that Democrats are going to be firmly tied to same-sex marriage and I think they are going to pay a price in November," said the Rev. Joseph Fuiten, pastor of Cedar Park Assembly of God in Bothell.

This man of God stands in judgment, raging on about morals and a boycott of businesses such as Microsoft. How about you do your job by spreading God's word and not your will, bub. I believe judgment is done at the pearly gates, between you and your maker, not in the house of the Lord, now shush your mouth and get back to spreading love, not hate, God shakes the finger of shame at those who hate or judge blindly in his name, tsk-tsk.

Congratulations to all who worked diligently for the past 30 years to get this bill in place, we can only hope this won't be another "mission accomplised" being as that apparently means "kinda, sorta" done. It's about Human Rights, not sin.

50 Most Loathsome? Myself Included?

"If Pat Robertson’s local Starbucks caught fire, he would claim that God was punishing them for giving him a caramel latte when he ordered vanilla."

Other fabulous asschimps have made the list, could "you" be on the list as well? Well, "you" are. "But I'm brilliant" you say, gosh darnit, so am I, but the reality is is that we are all imperfect and we all should laugh at ourselves more often than not. So, take a few minutes today and realize that "you" are loathsome to some, but loved by many that understand what the fuck it is that "you" are all about, others may not agree, but that's what it's all about, eh?

"I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by conscious endeavor." - Henry David Thoreau

Thought of the day: Hamas is not Hummus, either way, you could probably dip your pita in it.

Have a loverly day!

HB 2661 for the ass stuck in computer chair activist

Washingtonians, just do it, thanks. :)

Dear [ Decision Maker ],
I'm asking you to vote to support protecting lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) Washingtonians from discrimination in our state by voting for this year's Anti-Discrimination Bill (HB 2661), which adds sexual orientation protections to our state's Human Rights laws. The House passed this bill by an overwhelming bi-partisan vote of 60-37 on January 20th 2006.

This is an extremely important issue for me, and I'll be watching to see how you vote on this issue. Discrimination is wrong, and discrimination against LGBT persons directly affects people I know.

Firing someone, or denying them housing just because they are LGBT, should not be possible in our state. Recent surveys in our state show that over 70% of Washingtonians agree with that statement. We need this law now. Eighteen other states now protect LGBT persons from discrimination. Why not Washington state?

I look forward to hearing from you on this issue.


Sincerely,

The West Wing Closed For Public Tours....

Those money grubbin', suit wearing, asschimps at NBC are pulling the plug on one of my favorite boob tube escapisms The West Wing, we are not happy. It's been a rough couple of years for the show, but I've been a devoted fan and I'm going to miss some of the smartest television ever written. With the loss of John Spencer and declining ratings, they might as well cancel OR they could let Santos win with CJ as his Vice President, that would be hot. Maybe a spin-off is in order, Josh & Donna become lobbyists or snarky political bloggers?

As for your concerns, "West Wing" executive producer John Wells indicated the election will be decided during the April 2nd and 9th episodes, with the inauguration taking center stage in the finale.

Producers also are talking to Rob Lowe about returning for the finale. "Rob will have to decide whether he can make his schedule work and be able to come back for it," Wells said.

The West Wing is the best thing to happen to Mr. Lowe's career, he best drag his skinny ass back for the finale.

Progressive, smart television is falling away from us; Will & Grace, Arrested Developement, and now the West Wing damn it all to hell. President Barlett kind of countered the reality of our current bumbling, liar of a President. The Bartlett administration was not without it's failure, but what we did see was the humane side of the hardest job in the world, it gave us hope that one day the White House would and could inhabit brilliant minds, not a bunch conniving charlatans.

Seahawk Sunday - The NFC Champs edition

I cried. WOoooOoOoOooOooHoOoOoOoOoO!

Seahawk Sunday

We are not big on football, but a fair-weather fan is better than no fans at all. It's been a remarkable year for the Hawks and todays game should be a blast. We are going in to the bookstore to get some work done, but I'm leaving early as most of the state will not be shopping, they will be painting their bodies green & blue, they will be getting rip roaring drunk (the one part of football I understand) and they will be joyous. Will this be the year?

Silent Bob Speaks

"It would stand to reason, then, that "Jersey Girl" (a flick that essentially had the pre-hype of "Remember those two actors you hated so much in that massive bomb from eight months ago? Here's another helping! Choke on it, motherfuckers!")"

Clerks II seems to be coming along just dandy! Woo @ all the exclamation points today, woo. :

Walk The Line?

Hell, I'd hump the line if it made me the chick in this pic, mmmm.

Looks like the salad bar & buffet for lunch, sigh.

Imagination - ACTIVATE!
[Yumminess via]

Folly & Fodder: The week that was, that begat the buzz

January 20th? Time is flying, February is upon us and we can't wash it off! This past week had a lot to offer like John Hodgman as a guest correspondent on The Daily Show. You might ask; "Who the fuck is John Hodgman?" or you might not, either way, The Hodgman is the author of The Area Of My Expertise and is one funny fella. I met him at Bumbershoot a while back, he was there with Neal Pollack making funny and signing books, we adore this man and his loaded sharpie (he just doesn't sign a book, he assaults it, lovingly...). Anyhoo, if John Stewart were a smart man (he is) they'd be wise to make Hodgman a regular "guest correspondent" (they will)(maybe). Mmmmkay.

Blogs, love them or hate them, are chock full of yummy links, buzz and blabber, a thought virus of epidemic proportion and I like it.

Music titters [via]: Two words - Arctic Monkey. No, it's not form of frost bite or an impossible sexual position, they are a nifty, super swell, golly-gee good britsh band.

"The music is antic and unrefined. The songs were recorded without any evident overdubs, and it doesn't sound as if much time was spent fussing around with amplifiers or setting up drum mikes: The band showed up, plugged in, and played. Their punchy garage rock carries echoes of bands past and present: the Jam's bright melodies and scrappy guitars, Franz Ferdinand's bursts of ragged funk. But the Arctic Monkeys aren't revivalists or imitators; their songs are eccentric, following a twisty logic that suggests that the lyrics preceded the music."

Hey, Hey, we're the Arctic Monkey's!!

Small Change: State Quarter's design for Washington state.

Click pic to vote for you favorite. FYI, I picked the salmon, 'tis fishy.

The not-so Biggest Loser: ABC's Lost to replace Hurley character with Kristie Alley! Kidding, kidding...but really, why is the fat dude still fat?

"After 50 days away from fast food and Western comforts, guess what? He's still the size of three Gilligans. But stay tuned; this could end up in the script."

Hmmmm, burp.[via]

Equality Day 2006

Unfortunately I can't attend this event in Olympia on Monday, but if you've got the time I'm sure they'd love the support.

Advocating for Anti-Discrimination Legislation and Marriage Equality
Times (and Locations)
9:00 Advocacy Workshops (Olympia)
11:45 Rally on the Capitol steps with the Seattle Men's and Women's Choruses
1:15 Visit Legislators (State Capitol)
3:00 Reception in Olympia

Or, like a butt, there's always an "or":
Email your support here.

Megalomaniacs Quote of the Day!

Guess who said it?

"The operations are under preparation and you will see them in your homes the minute they are through, with God's permission."

If you watch the news, you might think it was Mayor "just breathe" Nagin after a chocolate binge, or perhaps it's Extreme Home Makeover's Ty Pennington (while crying) revealing a brand new house to the nicest, albeit the most financially challenged people in your neighborhood. Perhaps it's Pat "Divine Director of Cultural Cleaning" Robertson assuming the role of God's understudy and continuing to do it poorly. They say that power is an aphrodisiac, if that's true, I understand why the President walks funny after a speech or why Bin Ladin wears a dress -- to compensate for their boner of power! And yes, even when Hillary "I predict to you that this administration will go down in history as one of the worst that has ever governed our country." Clinton goes on shouting 'bout the plantations -- girlie boner.

"The power of man has grown in every sphere, except over himself." -Sir Winston Churchill

Everybody has a laughing place....

And I mean EVERYBODY has a laughing place:

I'd put "South Park" firmly in the post-PC category, as well as Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert and Dan Savage. When Colbert asked me in all seriousness on his show last Tuesday, "When did you choose to be gay?" no one believed for a second that he was anti-gay. Everyone in the twenty-something audience laughed. This is all a great development, and a generational one - a sign that the humor-free PC '90s have melted into something much funnier, much more honest, and yet also inclusive. The other key figure, I think, is Dave Chapelle, a comic genius who has somehow managed to create comedy that is ferociously close to the edge politically and in clumsier hands could be discounted as bigoted or dealing in the crudest of stereotypes. And yet, we're all in on the joke - black and white, male and female, straight and gay, stoner or crackhead.

Tolerance, diversity, truth and humor; the yummiest cocktail of all. BTW, I find the word "cocktail" highly disturbing, probably a little less disturbing than pussytail, so cocktail it is, cheers. Have a loverly day!

About Last Night

I'm a self proclaimed Award Show slut, so needless to say, after a very long day at work relaxing with the Golden Globes was my idea of a relaxing and entertaining evening. We enjoyed E's preshow red carpet extravaganza, the new team of Seacrest, Matenopolis, Dipandi, fashion designer and raging bundle of nervous energy Issac Mizrahi worked well. Working well includes, Mizerahi's fondling Scarlett Johansson's lovely right globe and I liked it. After winning an award Mr. George (yum) Clooney thanked an unlikely Lobbyist "I want to thank Jack Abramoff, you know, just because ... I don't know why," and both my right AND left globe tingled. Globey. Imagine my confusion when Joaquin Phoenix won, I've mentioned before that just seeing Mr. Phoenix makes me count to 10 like Mr. Ed, but last night, after he won I was all, do I breast feed the boy or sex up the man and then I remembered, "Oh yeah, I don't even know Joaquin Phoenix, crazy bitch." Fantasy World aside, once I made it past my confused state of lust I was able to enjoy the rest of the show. We are thrilled for the beautiful gay cowboy's and Ang Lee and all the other winners, it was ultimately a good show, but I will say my own "globes" are quite tender today.

The Circle Of Life

Kinda gives you a rash, don't it?

Bandwagon

We didn't have any measurable rain yesterday, the old record of 33 consecutive days of rain stands firm, but may I say, 27 days of constant precip can make a blogger moist. Not to worry, the rain has returned and we couldn't be more thrilled, yawn. We are short, short on time, short on rankings, and short in person (curse genetics, curse them). I leave you fabulous people with the funniest, knee slappin' blonde joke this side of the hemisphere, definitely worth a chortle, scoff and "wtf?". Embrace you inner blonde! All righty, now remove your hand from your crotch and get on with the day.

Peace!

Who'll stop the rain?

We are damp, up here in the great Northwest, we've had a record amount of rain and it's still going strong. Sometimes an umbrella is a mandatory, other times it's just "fuck it" it's raining, woo. I'm pretty damn sick of the rain, but you can't talk sense with Mother Nature, sure you can tickle her ass and call her sweetheart, but she'll still kick your ass afterwards. For the most part, we here in the northwest corner of the red & blue are fine with the rain, after all, we are an adaptable species and really, what is so aesthetically wrong with webbed-feet?

The Seahawks won their playoff game yesterday, first time in 20 freakin' years and we are pleased. The rain didn't dampen their spirits, they acted like real Seahawks would above the water, they swooped down on D.C. and ate their eyeballs, good birdies.

Listen, I don't care if we break the rain record, I just need a sunny day, a warm sunny day, but I fear that's not in future so I'll just stare at a light bulb for the rest of January and February it's the least I can do to cheer me up. On the upside, I think of how lush and green it will be this spring and strangly, I still want to slap the weatherman, augh. Okay, I'm done bitching, for now.

Bottled Sunshine: Stephen Colbert's THE WORD video clips

Raining Cats and Dogs: "Hate against love has come to Pennsylvania"

Cloudy with a chance of meatballs: "These are cruel times for vaginas." Indeed.

A Million Little Pieces Of Bullshit; A booksellers story.

It was my understanding that James Frey's A Million Little Pieces was a fictional account of Mr. Frey's journey from a drunk junkie to a sober author was a piece of fiction. Say what? Fiction, you say? Yeah, fiction. I came to the conclusion early on when I started reading the buzz upon the book's release and I'm quite certain that I read that it was a "fictional" account, furthermore, once I ordered in the book for the store, I had shelved it in the Fiction section. It was a small order, no more than 3 copies, because I've learned that "buzz" is a fleeting monster.

This past fall when Oprah recommended the title for her Book Club selection I thought to myself, "Jeez, Opy, a hard to read hideous book of recovery, you be whack!" I ordered in more copies of the book to satiate the throngs of Oprah fans wanting a copy of book that "will change their life", I still kept it shelved in fiction and then one day I found both A Million Little Pieces and it's sequel "My friend Leonard" shelved in the biography section one day, so I pompously yanked them from the bio section, went to the computer to check it's classification and it said biography and I said "what the fluck?" I wasn't sure when the classification change happened, it was fiction, I had read that it was a "fictional account" and I've got a brain like a fucking computer (okay, a low-end model, but a computer nonetheless), I know what I read.

Now, I'm not one for digging up facts, we'll continue leaving that to the Smoking Gun and their handy work, but I know what I read. After watching Frey on Larry King last night, I still think I'm right about the "fictional account" I'm not one to fall for weasels, that is, unless we've dated, and if that's the case, I was most likely drunk. What I think happened was that the power of Oprah, a willingness from publisher and author alike to make the "fictional memoir" a real memoir (mo'money), which now has proven to be a stupid move, or after Oprah's live statement standing by the book and author, it will continue to sell by the dozen's. It's a fickle world, who can say. What I do know is that the embellished truth is what we've come to expect from our own government, why not authors? What Random House and Frey did was ride the wave of popularity and they got caught up in it. Shame on them.

As for the book, it gave me a headache when I tried reading it two years ago, so I put it down and read DRY, Augusten Burroughs account of his recovery, a far more readable and hysterical account of what it's like when your sobering up and most importantly a story of love. A Million Little Pieces's exaggerations should not be an excuse for someone in recovery to go on a bender because the book wasn't entirely true. Suck it up bitches, you're in recovery because you drank your way to the gutter, not because Frey's memory took a creative writing course. Trust me, I've been in recovery multiple times (heh), it's a "no excuses" atmosphere and afterall it's just a "fictional account" of Mr. Frey's trip to sobriety, I read that somewhere over two years ago, I know what I read. No, it's not all right to embellish a memoir, I agree, but I don't think that was the books origninal intention. In my bookstore you'll find both A Million Little Pieces and My friend Leonard in the fiction section, sure, my booksellers fell for the "new classification of biography" but, they're not as savoy as moi, because as anybody who has been in recovery knows, you can't bullshit a bullshitter. Cheers!

"Wonkette is dead -- long live Wonkette."

Ana Marie Cox has left Wonkette for a real job as a full time writer of things that matter...to some, some being me and we can't wait to get our copy of Dog Days. The NYT's favorably reviews the book and kindly shares that the main character Melanie, a campaign worker who "uses four-letter words as commas and lives in an apartment more bacterial and messy than post-Katrina New Orleans." I can't relate to that at all, nope. Newsweek's review is rather snarky, oh hell, it's just out & out bitchy for going on about the shoes and the pasty bodies about to make sex; sweetie, life is all about pasty bodies and poorly designed shoes, deal with it. Anyhoo, good luck to Ms. Cox, we find it amusing that it took two men to replace one very sassy, saucy and brilliant woman. Wonkette remodel due soon, methinks. Congratulations and kudos little Ms. Assfucker.

What's so fun about peace, love & understanding?

Is Pat Robertson a pimple on God's ass? Indeed:

"He was dividing God's land," Robertson said. "And I would say, 'Woe unto any prime minister of Israel who takes a similar course to appease the E.U., the United Nations or the United States of America.' God says, 'This land belongs to me. You better leave it alone.' "

Pat, you silly whack-job, get over yourself. I'm thinking what that crazy "God fearing" asspuss needs a fucking lobotomy, somebody please put him out of my misery. This guy has seriously lost sight of God's message, he is ego and arrogance to the extreme, face it, the man is no fucking better than any other zealot, he just doesn't accessorize with a stylish, albeit ugly as fuck, bomb-vest, yet. If I were face to face to Mr. Roberts right now, I'd tell the bitch to bend over and I'd stick a flower in his chocolate starfish. But, that's just me, and it's most likely a passing fancy, five minutes from now I may just want to spit in his face or set him on fire, but for now, it's a flower in his poop shoot. I'm all about peace, don't ya know. :)

Happiness is a warm link

Save Arrested Developement! The funniest damn show on television and the week minded dweebs at FOX have shelved it, so save it. Thanks. [via: BWE]

Guitar God Pete Townshend (older but still a hottie) says: "I have unwittingly helped to invent and refine a type of music that makes its principal components deaf," he said on his Web site. "Hearing loss is a terrible thing because it cannot be repaired. If you use an iPod or anything like it, or your child uses one, you MAY be OK ... But my intuition tells me there is terrible trouble ahead." My intuition tells me that Steve Jobs is laughing all the way to the bank. [link via AIS]

Lesson of the week: If your a lobbyist, don't dis your bitch.

Oh well, whatever, nevermind

Up to the time I went to bed last night I believed, that indeed, twelve were alive. I believed that Anderson Cooper made this so; afterall, CNN's golden boy grabbed the balls of incompetence during the Katrina catastrophe and twisted the shit out of them. I was beginning to believe that Mr. Cooper had surly struck a deal with the otherworld for ratings. However, when I flipped the channel back to CNN one last before hitting the sack, I was proven wrong. In fact, all but one of the miners were found dead. In a world of cell phones, pagers, blackberries, bloppers, satellite phones and fucking stethascopes no one should ever have to deal with such a brutal tease. My heart goes out to the families who have lost a loved one in this tragedy. I don't expect congressional hearings on the incompetence of knowing life from death, but I do expect a definitive protocol of how "developing news" is delivered.

"12 Alive" ....not so much :oP

Hello God, it's me, Margaret. So um, I'm bleeding, but the cool thing is that when I asked you to make me have big titties and give us a little miracle for the miners, you all made me go and bleed, golly G, thanks a million. What's up with that?

This is breaking news, no link.

A quick one while I'm away

I over slept, only because I blew bubbles of snot while I slept and that kinda makes it a tossing and turning, tissue grabbing, restless sleep. I wonder if my cats play of version of whack-a-mole with my bubbles of snot while I'm slumbering? Anyhoo, here's Steve Martin spewing about the "leap second" we added New Years Eve:

"This year's leap second is an assault on the American public," says commentator Bill O'Reilly. "The reason the leap second is even being proposed is because of America Haters, because of Iraqi hate mongers, and let's be honest, Shiites. Why would you add a second to the year unless you're an anti-American hate monger?

I remember liberals at a party saying, 'let's add a second to the year' and I was the only one who spoke up against it. Why would they want to add a second to the year? Because it gives them a second longer to hate Bush. [more @ HP]

I wonder how big the bubbles of snot will get? Have a loverly day

Things of a Monday nature..

Fuck Coldplay and their record label:

"Coldplay's new CD comes with an insert that discloses all the rules enforced by the DRM they included on the disc. Of course, these rules are only visible after you've paid for the CD and brought it home, and as the disc's rules say, "Except for manufacturing problems, we do not accept product exchange, return or refund," so if you don't like the rules, that's tough."

Thanks for the warning Boing Boing, I just won't buy the new Coldplay, God knows I've been waiting forever to purchase it (not.)

Warning: Today is still a holiday, yeah, we thought we were done with that too! But alas, it is still a holiday, but we're gonna make like we don't know that and go about with the "same shit, different day attitude" I've worked hard to maintain my whole life. Have a lovely day!

Happy New Year!

Good riddance 2005! Fresh starts, start now, all because the calendar says so, it's magic I tell ya. I resolve to resolve whatever I choose to resolve. No hangover, just a nice little sinus infection that is making me feel loopy, no need to add alcoholic beverages to that, well I could but um...no thanks. I've had two days away from retail reality and I'm the better for it and so is this blog. Christmas is going away today, I'm packing that bitch up until next year and I'm now just going to focus on controlling the blood sugar and go into a hyper organization fit of obsessiveness...I can't WAIT! I hope you all have a prosperous and joyful new year, the choice, for the most part, is yours to do just that. Peace!