Wednesday, May 31, 2006

A Warm and Fuzzy Tale

"Not long ago, a young woman with big hips came to this unhappy land. She seemed not to have heard about the bad witch and was not worried about running out of Warm Fuzzies. She gave them out freely, even when not asked. They called her the Hip Woman and disapproved of her because she was giving the children the idea that they should not worry about running out of Warm Fuzzies. The children liked her very much because they felt good around her and they began to follow her example giving out Warm Fuzzies whenever they felt like it.

This made the grownups very worried. To protect the children from depleting their supplies of Warm Fuzzies they passed a law. The law made it a criminal offense to give out Warm Fuzzies in a reckless manner or without a license. Many children, however, seemed not to care; and in spite of the law they continued to give each other Warm Fuzzies whenever they felt like it and always when asked. Because they were many, many children, almost as many as grown ups, it began to look as if maybe they would have their way
."

It's like the Star Trek episode The Trouble With Tribbles with a patchouli scent.

We had this book as children and we wore it out completely. I'm not sure what happened to it and often wondered if it could be found again. I really wanted to find it during the last presidential election when everybody was tearing the living shit out of each other, just to lighten the mood, ya' know. I never found it and came short of giving up on political matters, until I realized that I couldn't give up, refused to really. Hell, I've got a bag of warm fuzzies to give, sometimes they're ballsy slams that will make you giggle, sometimes they're serious meltdowns of what I think seems to be common sense and found that "common" & "sense" can at times be strange bedfellows.

Thankfully, my mom found it again if not for the grace of Google and my mothers memory of the "hipwoman" (all I could remember was the "warm fuzzies"). It's a wonderful tale of sharing and love, but it could also before a metaphor for a number of situations that have arisen lately (big pharm, the rape of our civil liberties, etc). Take what you will from it and I'll give you a warm fuzzy or a cold fricklie if you don't like it. ;)

Action, Acts & Ack: Your Voice Matters

You know how you felt when Chris Daughtry was booted off American Idol? The odds were in his favor. He had the showmanship, he sang better than all the others, he was a shoe in. We thought that talent alone would win him the AI crown and how wrong we were.
If you thought that the parallel of Daughtry's ousting and Gay marriage couldn't be made, I'm here for ya! On June 5th the President will hold a press conference to again state he supports the Federal Marriage Act, in an attempt to save the states from the gays. Nevermind that "Marriage has always been a state matter in the American system, and nothing about the advent of gay marriage in a single state should change that." If indeed this amendment "has no chance of passage" then it lends itself to the posturing of a hateful agenda in an attempt to save the sacred act of Marriage. The divorce rate is at approximately 50% right now, perhaps these posers could work on that statistic and stop trying to shove their fear and ignorance down our throats. Call or write your Senators (I did), voice your opinion yay or nay, the choice is yours, but if you don't do or say anything, you have nothing to say about the matter.

I didn't vote for Daughtry, therein contributing to his ousting, so I can't complain (but I did, heh) But I won't stand by as our leaders discriminate against any one class of people. To attempt to load the Constitution with a hateful archaic rhetoric is supreme bullshit - supersized and I think we've had enough of that in our lifetimes, don't you? American Idol will never be a social issue and not to belittle the mission at hand what I'm saying is that anything can happen if you don't act on what you believe in.
[links via American Agenda, WaPo, HRC, Blogging Spokane]

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Grrrl Power?

Natures cruel trick? Two pretties don't necessarily make a pretty, it could backfire, but I doubt it did. I'm sure you all know by now that Brangelina's spawn has ripped herself from her mother's unit. I'm still shocked that Hell, is indeed, the temperature it should be, which is something close to the temperature of Jolie's blazen baby unit. [via BWE]

---------------------------------------------->>>>>

Somewhere…somehow…Paris Hiltonification replaced the meaning seeking that defined my young adult years. It replaced the notion of doing something to make a positive mark on the world. Paris Hiltonification fills that void with grotesque extravagance and anti-intellectualism. -Angry Black Bitch

Young women who aspire to be Paris Hilton should have lobotomy's, pronto. Why would you want to be like someone who can't keep a friend for the life of her, shares her sexual exploits with the world and buys more animals than she could ever care for. The woman needs a personality makeover - yesterday. *twitch*

--------------------------------->>>>>>

"There is no such thing as girl love, because all cool girls are competitive c---s, which is worth loving in itself, so it's okay. Just don't pretend it's otherwise! Celebrate the reality!" - From Courtney Love's nyr biography

Hmmmm....competitive c---s. Poetry. Well ladies, the above statement is from the mouth of a very competitive woman and rock star. I'm all for "celebrating reality" but Ms. Love does this only every other 5 years. Treat people as you'd want to be treated and you should be fine. See, there is simplicity in Girl Power and doesn't involve a handful of oxycontin washed down with a Red Bull.

----------------------->>>>>>

So, if you could be any one of the above women which one would it be? It's a tough question, I can't even answer it, eh...bullshit, I'd be Jolie (minus the man-stealing ways) I don't think I could survive the amount of stress that Ms. Love has put her body through, it's a minor miracle that she's still alive and as for Hilton, methinks her parents should still be parenting the self obsessed douche, she needs to take that pink feathered ass of hers and disappear for a while.

Monday, May 29, 2006

Ass-cheek Literature


Istanbul, in an effort to promote reading, has come up with a brilliant solution - Benches shaped like books. Neat idea, plus it introduces art into the surrounding parks. I can only assume, having not ever been in Istanbul, that the War & Peace bench can seat many, but you won't sit there long and then you'll forget where it's located and never sit on it again.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Ken Lay and Jeff Skilling: Guilty

Lay "turned a blind eye", Skilling thought he was doing a great job. California had brown outs all summer long. Thousands lost their their savings. If you haven't seen Enron: The Smartest Guys In The Room, you should, it explains the whole Enron debaucle perfectly and you'll be PISSED!

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Opus Day & The Idol Chatter

He's baACK! Opus has returned(Sunday's only). Berkeley Breathed has brought back the penguin and I'm just finding this out, I'm not sure if I hear a collective "uh-duh", or a collective..."cool!" This is just another example that print papers are indeed dying. The greatest example is when you're just now finding out via an internet blog, that thee Penguin has returned. Color me short bus.


American Idol:

Woooooooooooohoooooo at the Taylor Hicks/Spaz winning!!! Highlights of the show being Prince with his 3121, and Ed from Live singing with Daughtry. Mary K Blige. Mc Pheever with Meatloaf gave me a Mcblister that needed gravy. It really was a fun show and Lost was quit interesting. Will Walt and Micheal save the day? Will Sawyer, Kate and Jack survive and why did they let Hurley go? Crazy stuff.

Faboo, I needed to re-edit that and the title, damnit, Blogger!!! [fist to sky] Why?? is being a massive pain in my ass and lost the original was able to recover half of it. They say it's a cache problem, I dump my cookies and it's still a problem, they really need to fix it quick. Anyhooooo..Good Luck to Taylor.

Update: Harold the cute humble dude won the Top Chef Championship, which I didn't watch because of Idol and Lost, which in itself entirely too much stimulation.

La Dolce Vita: the unemployed edition

I started my day yesterday at a mandatory "unemployment class: module one; how to get a job". It was enlightening to a small degree if only for the fact that I learned that ANY class I take to further my education I had to report to unemployment, I hate unemployment, blet.

The class was filled with all walks of life. The majority of which were like myself, their job was just - over. Some had up to 30 years with the same company, some had capped their wage allowance and were put to pasture, while others were victims of a treacherous economy shifting in other directions e.g., outsourcing and the new big box mode retail is shamefully falling into. A number of the attendee's couldn't even speak English, yet another sign of the times, ahem. Whatever, it's not my place to judge, hell, I have trouble with the language most days.

The class was basically a review of what they used to teach in High School; keep your references with you, don't hold your lunch over applications you're filling out, research the job your applying for and dress appropriately for the job you are interviewing for (no belly baring shirts or ass crack jeans.) It all seemed like common sense to me, however, being in the position of one who has previously hired people, I can tell you that what seems like common sense to some, means absolutely nothing to the younger generations, I've seen more ass crack that I care to remember from applicants, perhaps they didn't want to be hired? Perhaps I may use the same tactic in order to continue enjoying my time off. Unfortunately, I suspect the minute I bare my ass crack to a potential employer, I'd still get the job. Stinky ass crack aside, I've mad skills, baby! ;)

One of the benefits of being unemployed is doing stuff that has nothing to do with work, like following up my mandatory class with a trip to the Tacoma Art Museum with free passes courtesy of friend and artist Teri Bevelacqua (Thanks Teri!) Unfortunately the museum was in mid-setup for a new installation but there was a Roy Lichtenstein exhibit featuring some of his American Indian paintings and sculpture. Nice stuff, although, I'm not a huge fan of modern art, I respect it, that is unless the modern art is glass work and then I'm all a quiver.

Tacoma is home to glass artist Dale Chihuly and one of the best attributes of TAC is the outdoor enclosed atrium or "stone garden" which is cool in it's own right, but litter that landscape with Chihuly and you get this:

The docent in charge of policing picture taking informed us (us being myself and friend Elizabeth "The Dreadlock Queen" and art lover of my caliber) that people call this installation "Alice In Wonderland's pool table" , tre' groovy!

After examining other works by local artist's we headed to the museum store where I purchased a charming little book "Bloom's Bouquet Of Imaginary Words ; Add on letter...take away one letter...or change one letter...Presto! You've invented a brand new word!" If your a frequent reader of my blog you'll know that I tend to make up words to get my point across, sure, it's appears to be babble, but it's an art form.
Examples from the book are
Spanties: Underwear size 7 or higher
Paintaloons: Baggy overalls worn by artists
Skosher: Just a bit more orthodox
Dicktator: Unpopular national leader



Moving on from TAC, we wanted to check out the Museum Of Glass, just a hop, skip and a jump away, but first we had to cross the stunning "Bridge Of Glass" where I took a some amazing pictures here's one example:
Click for larger view
The bridge is awesome eye candy all the way across, Chihuly is genius! However, once we reached the museum entrance we found it to be closed on Tuesdays, argh. Fortunately we found the gift shop to be opened so we browsed and were quickly reminded that glass art is expensive shit. That venture thwarted, we moved on to a bead store and topped off the day with dinner at The Old Spaghetti Factory visual eye candy in itself and damn good food, yum.

Being jobless has never been so much fun, I've frolicked aboot with my friend Karen in Leavenworth where I drank beer, tasted and bought a fabulous selection of wines from local wineries. I've dallied in Olympia with family and friends for Arts Walk and the Procession of the Species and this weekend it's Northwest Folk Life Festival. Reality will set in soon enough, the move, the new job, but until then I'm having a great time.

When asked by the class facilitator how I felt when I lost my job I said "at first I was pissed, then sad, then pissed, then uber-sad (I still cry when I see the empty storefront), then after a few weeks of relaxation I got excited, because having been in the work grind the whole of my adult life, I'd rarely took advantage of what was surrounding me!" I'm doing just that - now. I'm spending time with family and friends that would normally be a chore to schedule, I'm going to my monthly baseball games and I'm loving life! I don't know if I'll have this opportunity again in this lifetime and because I saved a few bucks I have a few more weeks of not having to bare my ass crack to future employers and that will be beneficial to all.

Monday, May 22, 2006

DaDa Da Vinci Code


"DADA speaks with you, it is everything, it envelops everything, it belongs to every religion, can be neither victory or defeat, it lives in space and not in time." - Francis Picabia

The literati were quick to rip the book to shreds. The Christian zealots, fearing Jesus did in fact get his groove on with Ms. Magdeline, attempted to boycott the book and the flick and some 77 million domestic and 224 million dollars worldwide later, The Da Vinci Code comes only 2nd to Star Wars Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith for worldwide openings. Long live Jesus and Vader, beauty, eh?

Reactionary blather aside, the movie is fun, the theology is fascinating and despite it's critics it will continue to do well for the box office. The Da Vinci Code is first and foremost a murder mystery and for once Hollywood isn't talking down to us, or shoving another goddamn remake down our throats, well, that is until 06-06-O6 when the new version of The Omen is released, a smidge of irony with a dash of the power of Christ compelling us n' all.

This movie won't shake your faith, nor will it make you a femi-nazi for actually thinking that Mary Magdalene did indeed give birth to the daughter of Jesus. What it will do is make you think and it will make you investigate history for yourself and hopefully you will do just that and not rely on snarky useless commentary. I was truly touched at the end of the film once Hank's Langdon figures out where the grail is located. Although Langdon is agnostic he still feels the need to kneel and pray (or meditate) respectfully above the grail's resting spot. No talking down, no explanation, just quiet reflection. The movie is entertaining, although it might confuse some, it may enrage others and it just may encourage you to study the facts for yourself. And that is a beautiful thing - DaDa Da Vinci!

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Superphallicfragilinguistics

"I’m not ashamed to admit that this made me giggle like a schoolgirl who just found the penis pictures in her biology textbook." This said by author Max Barry on hearing that the one and only Superman had read Jennifer Government. And then I giggled like a schoolgirl when I read the word "penis" on his blog which reminded about the dream I had about Jim Carey's penis at which time I then cackled like a grown woman in the know about a man's winky doodle and then I realized that calling a penis a winky doodle was rather immature for a grown woman.
Also, the fact that I cackled knowingly about a penis I've never seen, but rather a penis concocted solely in my twisted mind, was absolutely insane. I guess what I'm saying is this: Read Jennifer Government, Superman did.

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Art Test

Click for more
Cartoon Blog. It's like "LOL" + "giggle/puke" = I saw the Da Vinci Code today, you can almost smell the sacrilege. ;)

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Ode to the boob tube

First lets start with American Idol: Elliot phoned home tonight, so, America gets a final with the guy who looks like he needs to take a crap when he sings (Taylor) and Kat McPheeverish. She can't win, she sucked rotten crusty balls of ookieville when she sang Elvis songs and for that she cannot be forgiven. The Elvis night for McIsucklongtime was her hurricane of destruction and even FEMA can't help her, wait....um, nevermind. Have some goddamned balls America (or blessed balls for that matter) and vote for the spaz next week, the man needs to take a dump. Thanks.

Lost - um...damn those writers!!! What's so damn special about Walt??? Why don't I need a gun so I'd have to sleep with Sawyer??? Damn it!! Why does that psycho bitch from the tailies need those four???? Why??? Why!!!!!! OMFG. *splat*

Top Chef - Why the fuck didn't Dave, the most neurotic chef on the planet, make it? I'd eat his food. Tiffany is an uberdouche, a talented, albeit amazingly arrogant chef in her own right, get a pass. I want her to LOOOOOOOOSE she's to full of herself, I spit on her food....pppp-too-wee! Listen hon, "I'm not your bitch, bitch." You can thank Dave for that saying. Thanks Dave. Humble yourself Ms. Tiffany, because according to people that Paris Hilton hang out with, your a firecrotch, it's the red hair and honestly, I just wanted to put firecrotch in this post and to add a positive note: at least it doesn't burn when you pee being a firecrotch n' all.

If you couldn't tell, I want the cute humble dude to win, I can't remember his name, but he's been quiet and terrific all this time and he knows how to handle meat, props dude. Honestly, the only thing that would make me not want him to become the "Top Chef" is that he's a personal chef for Tom Cruise. Alrighty, that's it, I'm done bitching until tomorrow.

Time Waster Of The Day: Deal Or No Deal

Click to play
Oh gawd, this is dangerous. I've only watched the show twice, mostly because I find myself shouting at the television, but it's fun to play. Btw, I had a the million in the #3 briefcase that I picked, could I rock more? Am I lame? Yes? Have fun.
[via]

Hip to be square

Oy, I had one of these dolls, she was sooooooo groovy and now I am soooooooo feeling my age.

"Pull her ring, let her do her thing!" I didn't have a Blythe doll as a kid, but I wanted one and briefly considered offing the neighbor kid that had one, the bitch. I finally found one at a doll show a few years back and promptly changed her eye color to pink and left it like that, I think she's in a box now...oh well, I still think she's totally out-of-sight baybee!

[links via]

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Friday Cat Blogging On A Tuesday

You have been warned.
And the perennial favorite Stuff on my cat. I tried putting "stuff" on my Siamese once, I have the scar to prove it and also it gives new meaning to "don't fuck with the pussy".
[via defamer]

Monday, May 15, 2006

Mary Mary where you goin' to

Dan Savage gets his man-bitch on and directs that bitchiness towards Mary Cheney, spawn of Veep Cheney and author of the newly released Now It's My Turn:
The carpet-munching daughter of VP Dick Cheney is responsible for what was, for me, the most head-spinning moment of the 2004 election. Just reelected after a campaign that vilified gay people - gay couples in particular - George Bush gave his acceptance speech on a stage with both men's families, and Mary Cheney and her long-term, bull-dykish partner, Heather, were up there on the stage with Bush. Like most gay Americans, I wanted to jump into the photo that ran on cover of the New York Times and slap Mary Cheney's face.

Bitchy indeed, but then again Ms. Cheney got her man-bitch on by calling John Kerry a "son of a bitch" for bringing up Mary during a presidential debate "It was very invasive for John Kerry to try to make political points out of my personal life."
Boo. Hoo. Kerry was just stating a fact lying in a puddle of hypocrisy that is the Bush administration. Mary Cheney's worst crime, by far, is supporting her father, but that's what children do, well, except for that psycho bitch Lizzie Borden and sometimes, in my fantasies, we pretend that Ms. Cheney is Ms. Borden. We get bored sometimes.

To be fair, Ms. Cheney responds to FMA as "writing discrimination into the constitution and, as I say, it is fundamentally wrong." and "I would also hope that no one would think about trying to amend the constitution as a political strategy,"
Sadly, I don't think anything Ms. Cheney does or says will squelch her critics so keep your man-bitch close honey, you'll need her.

Friday, May 12, 2006

"A day at the end of the week to wonder & rejoice" - Paul Simon

click to listen and you'll like it, you'll reeeally like it
This changes my mood completely! I'm all smiles and goofballish again. You can listen to the marvelous music samples and full songs here, enjoy and have a fabulous day!
[link via: American Agenda's Pimpdaddy, heh ;)]

On Notice/Dead To Me The Full Moon Edition

Some mornings you wake up in a pissy mood. Hideous dreams were brought on by watching fucking Tom Cruise on Leno last night. It was awful and if I was Tom's adopted daughter I'd disown his sorry ass. Jay kept saying "now that you have a daughter..." and Cruise just played along with no mention of Isabella, the daughter he already has with Nicole Kidman. I listened to the interview some more hoping that Tom would remove his head from his ass long enough to realize what was going on, but it never happened, it was all phallic motorcycle babble that made me wanna blow chunks, box them chunks up and send them to both Leno and Cruise. Needless to say, the interview weaved it's way into my psyche prompting hideous, albeit enlightening dreams. I woke up this morning with my usual Edward Scissorhands hair but instead of the goofy semi-smile that comes whenever I wake up ("Oh, I'm alive! Good times!) I had a scowl and wanted to kick my cats. Never a good way to wake up, Jay and Tom your little testosterone laden chatter may have just fucked up your kid for life. I'm thinking that Tom has more Thetans to battle than he thought, Scientologists take note and spank the bitch.

Steven Colbert has the right idea making a On Notice/Dead To Me list and it's time I started one as well:

On Notice
1. Britney Spears' babies daddy
2. American Idol viewers
3. Lethal Yoga
4. Laundry
5. Katherine Harris' gun permit
6. Camel toe and dry and cracked coin slots, ew.

Dead To Me
1. Wal-Mart
2. George W. Bush & Co.
3. Paris Hilton
4. The Apprentice
5. Tom Cruise
6. Jay Leno
7. Burka's and eating Spaghetti with a Burka on.[link via AS]

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Folly Wolly Doodle all the day

I mentioned Campus Ladies earlier and fortunately for you all I found a completely nasty clip, it's hysterical!!! NC-17 rating

Campus Ladies @ Myspace.

Found Objects: They're made out of meat, aren't we all? [via: Irate Weirdos]

The 100 unsexiest men in the world

8. Osama Bin Laden: Power is sexy (notice how Dick Cheney isn't on the list). But a 6'5", no-vertical-leap mass murdering douche bag is not getting any style points.

23. Bill Gates: To quote Dana Carvey: "Gates apparently made a deal with the devil: 'You can have $60 billion, but you have to go through life looking like a turtle.'"

79. Tom from Myspace: As a friend of mine said, why does he have to be everyone's friend? Isn't that a little needy? Not hot at all
.

[link via BS]

Brokeback Spongebob
By the way, I finally saw Brokeback Mountain and it's truly a beautiful love story and all around great movie, I give it two snaps and a slap on my ass. And speaking of my ass, actually this has nothing to do with my ass, but I like my ass, I also like Kevin Smith (do I hear a collective "Uh duh"?)and he's just received the artwork for An Evening with Kevin Smith 2: Even Harder. Watch the preview here.

Rated G ;)

A little less conversation

Yeah, I'm still pissed about Daughtry's ousting, pissed enough to dream about Ryan Seacrest, I may never have sex again or vote for an Idol contestant for that matter. Whatever, there are greater things at hand like Google Idol, I listened to the clips and decided that I no longer want sex or music in my life, I'm done. Well, maybe I'm being a smidge melodramtic here, okay, so maybe I won't shut music out of my life, but after the Seacrest dream...I may have to buy McPhee's album, bahahah.
[link via BWE]

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Chris Daughtry Ousted

To say I was shocked is an understatment, I was pissed. Then again, this is a country were 49% of our God fearing folk voted for Bush, there's no accounting for taste. Now it's like I could give a rats ass who wins, blah, blet, snarf. In all actuality, it's probably for the better that Daughtry didn't get the crown and he'll still probably sell more albums than any one of the remaining contestants. I need chocolate.

Idol Chatter & Television Matter

Last night was a night for music and flippin' the channels with both American Idol and the season finale of Gilmore Girls, so I flipped.

When I heard that Sonic Youth were going to be on Gilmore Girls, I almost blew off A.I. altogether, but then I saw it was Elvis night on Idol so I embarked on an hour of flippin' back and forth. As far as Idol is concerned I believe that the it's all about the boys for the final. Sure, Katherine is cute and has a great voice, but it was obvious she wasn't feeling her inner Elvis last night and it's all about feeling your inner Elvis when your singing his songs, hell, even I felt my inner Elvis last night, he's fine thanks for asking. Chris Daughtry is just great, there's no getting around it AND he sang two of my favorite Elvis diddy's (not to be confused with Diddy) the man is just HOT and I'm certain he'll get the A.I. crown. Elliot on the other hand didn't win me over, but he was good. Taylor, well he's just fun, but when he sings it looks like he has to take a wicked shit and fast, that in turn makes me wanna dump the kids at the pool and that's not very rock n' roll.

Gilmore Girls was GREAT; fricken' Lorelai buggin out and sleeping with Chris while Luke lives in his fickle wonderland of fatherhood ponders the idea of letting he's balls descend. Rory had to say goodbye to Logan and that was sad, Logan is so very fucking hot, a hosebag, but hot all the same. What I love about Gilmore Girls is the sharp, whip-fast and brilliant dialogue with a dash of political barbs so blatant and witty even Stephen Colbert's head would spin. Last nights show was embedded with a mass of street performers all hoping to be discovered and therein explaining Sonic Youth being on the show and I'll be damned if Thurston and Kim didn't have their lil' rock n' roll love child Coco playin' bass!! That was so cool, last I had seen of her was a baby pic in some mag and here's this young protege thumpin' the bass line as Thurston jammed and Kim sang, too cool. Gilmore Girls is just a great show, even Madeline Albright knows that.

I guess that House is a really great show, although I'm a Scrubs girl myself, I did manage to watch a few minutes. People love House, hell, even my 7 year old niece has Hugh Laurie as a screen saver on her computer and how she figured out how to do that is your guess as good as mine (she's freaky smart), but she loves the show, I guess I'll do the DVD thing and catch up with the rest of the world later as my priority is too watch the hysterical Scrubs. I mean, who doesn't love the "floating head" doctor? Good stuff.

I also watched So NoTORIous, Tori Spellings VH1 series, if you haven't seen it watch the season finale this Sunday, the show is fucking hysterical give it a shot. And before I forget, If you haven't seen Oxegen's Campus Ladies (love the theme song), try and catch it; it's demented and wrong, kind of in the vein of Strangers With Candy and I LOVE it. I love me some twisted television and last night was some good viewing!

Okay, I'm done babbling about t.v. habits and it's off to Safeco for some baseball and beer, woooooooooooooooooohoooooooo. Have a loverly day.com.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Virtual Hell

Today has got to be a computer free zone. My computer got a nasty ass virus on Saturday and of course my Norton was out of date as was my spyware program. Some seventy bucks and many hours of searching every goddamned file in this computer I've managed to find most of the offenders. Toss in a few blue screen of deaths and the fear my hard drive wanted to go tits up I attempted a back up to no avail, gah. I've been uploading photos to flickr to save them from inevitable death. To all the ass-pickling, virus making, spam-tossing and spyware making fucktards that have made my life hell for the past two days: ROT in your own filth and find a real job, chumps. I'm shooting you all a crazy evil eye stare right now and my Thetans are coming over to your house for a spot of tea with your ASS, bend over. That is all. *twitch*

Saturday, May 06, 2006

Free Comic Book Day

Click to find a free comic in your area!
It's not gas or food, but it will entertain you for a day.

Thursday, May 04, 2006

My Thetans have a rash

Alert Homeland Security, Tom Cruise is going to Aberdeen Washington. Guard your couches, guard your daughters and by all means, season the placenta no one needs that around. Cruise should feel right at home, the welcome sign off the highway tell you to "Come as you are" a tribute to Aberdeen's favorite dead son Kurt Cobain. So come as he is indeed, the first thing Tom might notice is that the Church of Scientology has become the local community theater, so uh, no church for you! Oh wait he won't have time for that, he'll be busy at the mall, the mall built on a swamp which causes the floor to warp and buckle, it would be better served as a skateboard park than a mall with less than 50% occupancy, good times.
"Kevin McCoy, a 27-year-old Wal-Mart employee from Aberdeen, thought it was a joke when an e-mail popped in his inbox saying superstar Tom Cruise wanted to meet him ... in Aberdeen.

"I wouldn't expect Tom Cruise to show up in Aberdeen," he said Wednesday, sitting outside the Aberdeen Wal-Mart smoking a cigarette. "Maybe Seattle, but I didn't expect this to happen. ... It's too big of a thing. It's hard to get it in my mind that it's real
."

Oh it's real sir, it's real. So grab your protective tin foil deflector beanies and prepare to marvel in the glow that is Tom Cruise. He's prettier and richer than you all, he's battled his Thetan demons while the rest of us tickle ours, he's a righteous movie star, behold his hairy ass.

Tom Cruise, Wal-Mart employee, Aberdeen Washingtion. There's a conspiracy in the making, I just know it, my Thetans told me.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Zinging the President, respectfully, of course.

The best of Stephen Colbert's White House Correspondent's Dinner Keynote address:
The audition:


Video of speech Part I and Part II

Brilliant blurbs via the Daily Kos:

"We're not so different, he and I. We get it. We're not brainiacs on the nerd patrol. We're not members of the factinista. We go straight from the gut, right sir? That's where the truth lies, right down here in the gut. Do you know you have more nerve endings in your gut than you have in your head? You can look it up. I know some of you are going to say "I did look it up, and that's not true." That's 'cause you looked it up in a book."



"Jesse Jackson is here, the Reverend. Haven't heard from the Reverend in a little while. I had him on the show. Very interesting and challenging interview. You can ask him anything, but he's going to say what he wants, at the pace that he wants. It's like boxing a glacier. Enjoy that metaphor, by the way, because your grandchildren will have no idea what a glacier is."


Stephen Colbert is all about TRUTH and FOX news in their infinite wisdumb disagrees, no suprise there.

Monday, May 01, 2006

Darfur is all the rage...Literally

George Clooney hopped on the Darfur bandwagon this past week and I hope that more star power backs this terrible situation since our government won't or can't whatever the talking points say, blet. The thing with George Clooney is that you always expect a bit of snark and smug tinged with humorous humility, but basically he's just reminding folk that Darfur happens and Clooney looks good saving the world, so I'll forgive him for jumping on the bandwagon so late in the game.

It's astounding to think as I sit here typing, little kids are sacrificing their lives for water, I know this because I just played the Darfur Is Dying and I sucked at it, sucked hardcore, I killed off more than half of my family, or rather the Janjaweed did, I just sucked at escaping the ignorant souless bastards. I can't imagine this life, I don't want to, but it does exist, play the game and help out! (tip: little boys run faster)