Saturday, April 05, 2003

Droppings of Mass Destruction

Once upon a time in a bookstore near you, (kinda) a store manager was resolved to the fact that she and she alone would have to receive the shipment this particular Friday, as she was kind enough to give the kid who usually receives the shipment the day off. He's a good kid a deserves a Friday off to see his favorite band AFI. The kid made me listen to them one night when he gave me a ride home. My first thought was Ronnie James Dio, and assorted wailing 80's hairband. I thought "wtf is this retro shit?"......being only 19 he disagreed. I tease the kid enough with his damn lip ring, which he has yet to explain why he'd want a metal object hanging from his lip. I cannot imagine a chick would get any stimulation from a hoop ring hanging on the side of a lip. For whatever aesthetic reasons, he loves it & AFI and I am officially old. Anyhoo, he had the day off and I had to open all the boxes by myself.

My morning was uneventful, I finished up some paperwork, helped some customers find their selections and listened to the Mariners on the radio. Altogether not a bad morning, until........Dun dUn receiving door bell went....brrrrrrrrrrrrg! I excused my self from the ladies that were vying for my attention and went to let the delivery guy in. Delivering anything to my store is a major chore, the mall is old and in order to get to my 'delivery' door these poor men have to go through a labrynth of halls and through the mall it's self to get to me. So I try to be nice when they do finally get there.

The delivery guy was huge, I don't recall seeing him before but he knew the gig and promptly set to work unloading, I explained I was working alone that morning and asked if he would scan the boxes for me, he obliged. I went back out to the sales floor and continued my customer service and checked on him periodically. The last time I checked all I saw was his dolly and the bathroom door was shut. I guess that's alright to use the bathroom of the business your delivering too, I wouldn't unless it was an emergency. And this dude will never again in my store. When I heard him come out onto the sales floor I went to sign the bill of lading, but apparently he went back into the back room, which I would have anyways to verify the shipment. I opened the back room door......a the stink of a thousand deaths filled the room...........OMFG........I choked first and then gagged. All he says is......there ya go mam, sign here. My eyes watering I couldn't even look him in the face, I stopped breathing, I took the bill and signed it looking only at his jeans which were fucking filthy!!! Ewww.

He left and I immediately ran back out to the sales floor in hopes to give the back room time to air out. After a few minutes passed I returned to the back room and thought I should turn the fan on in the bathroom as it still reeked of his um......shit. I can't imagine what the bastard ate. I opened the bathroom door......(not breathing) and looked at the toilet. It was muther fucking filthy......he's god damn ass was dirty filthy...omg fucking eh.......splat. I was shocked and grossed out beyond anything before......I gagged and this time almost threw up.......I started spraying hairspray, lit a match or twelve, sprayed the toilet seat with......the hairspray, Windex, and 409. I found carpet cleaner and sprayed that too. I now fully realise the extent of what Weapons Of Mass Destruction can do to a person.

At 1:00 my assitant showed up and asked me what was wrong as I was sitting at my desk in stunned horror. I told her and showed her the aftermath of this dood's ass droppings. She was taken aback and offered to clean it, which being the good boss I am, said "sure"! I put on the rubber gloves and pretended I was a member of a hsmat team and got to work. I had to spend the rest of the afternoon back there receiving the shipment, I wanted it to smell like a fucking flower!

So there ya have it, shit happens, it was completely horrific and I may never recover, but I got the shipment opened and the Mariners won, so the day wasn't a complete loss. Oy!