When Jupiter Meets Uranus

The nurse was kind enough to show us a little plastic chart with circles that represented the varying size of the cervix during labor, 2 cm, 3 cm, 4, 5 cm, progressively up to 10 cm the exact size the cervix needs to be dilated to deliver a baby. Wayne, the expectant father, joked that it was a planetary map, 1 cm would be Pluto, 5 cm Meurcury, 7 cm Saturn. Mother Nature or the nurse with the big breasts, we'll just refer to her as the "Nurse", pointed out the largest circle measuring 10 cm was Jupiter and laughter filled the room. I left the delivery room briefly to get some film and nicotine replacement, I was only gone 10 minutes max and when I returned who would have thought that in the few minutes I was gone that planets would realign on my sisters body, she was dialated to 10 cm, "Houston, we can clearly see Jupiter and its nearing Uranus", the pushing had begun.

The pushing episode lasted an hour until the baby wouldn't budge anymore, the Doctor was finally brought in to take care business or rather convince the baby to let go of the pubic bone he was holding onto for dear life and deal with his impending life on our planet. I prompted the video camera and I'm glad I did, because all it took from the Doctor was an insertion of his hand, some fluid, forceps and wa-la baby crown. Another petite nurse had entered the room and was busying herself, while the big breasted nurse worked with the Doctor my thoughts wandered I feared that upon baby Ethan's arrival he would latch on immediately to the nurses huge breast, by the time I snapped out of the wet-nurse daydream my sister gave a quick little push and the baby came out. He was perfect, beautiful and attacked no ones breast that I can remember. The smaller of the two nurses took the video camera from me to finish filming as the Doctor had obstructed my view all that was left to film was the cord cutting and handing over the baby to the exhausted and blissed out mother.

Ethan Mathias Maxwell was born around 2:15 in the afternoon, August 27th, he weighed 7lbs, 4oz and is absolutely beautiful, his sisters adore him, his father has his son, his mother grew a penis in her belly for nine months and will never be the same.

This is the second birth I've witnessed, the first being my niece Aimee's. It's an awesome experience that I'm glad to have been blessed to experience in my lifetime. Neither of the births switched on my maternal clock, I'm thinking that I have a defective one and the recall is coming any day now, still, I don't think I'd turn my defective maternal clock in and I'm certain that I've misplaced the warranty certificate.

It has been said that 'we are stardust', I'm good with the whole celestial aspect of our being and after experiencing the miracle of child birth again I know this, that lo' those many years ago when the shepards thought they were following a great northern star to find their king, that it was actually a rare celestial anomoly in which, for a brief moment in time, Jupiter orbits Uranus and a child is born. Welcome to the World little man. xoxo