We received a special order for The Art of Seduction today, as the story goes, the young woman who wanted it apparently wanted the book sent to the prison for her brother--say what? My bookseller Elizabeth was trying to explain to me that the young woman wanted the book because her brother requested it and I was all, "WTF?" why would a sister buy a book on seduction for her brother, a brother in prison no less, Jesus f'n blet! So I promptly went into a tirade of why I thought is was perverse and how I thought it was bullshit.
While I was busily ranting my disgust with Elizabeth and my assistant Joan, there was a man perusing the magazines near where we were chatting and in trying to make my point of the magnitude of perverseness I said "Why the fuck would you send your brother a book on seduction, fuck that, what's he gonna do with it in prison anyways?". Elizabeth responded with, "her brother just asked for it is all", "that's bullshit" I responded, "there are some lines you don't cross" I said, "this ain't the fucking Ozarks". Now mind you, I'm not a prude by any measure, but, I can't see buying anything sexual for one of my brothers at any time--ever--and then in my rant I said, "that's like if my brother asked for a hand-job, I'd just as soon kick him in the balls before I'd entertain the thought" at which time Joan falls into a fit of laughter and blushing episode and the customer looking through the periodicals looks up from his magazine and smiles at us. I apologized for my crude example and went back to work, the man winks and I think the whole thing is over.
A few minutes later after I hear Elizabeth and Joan giggling at the cash wrap, Joan comes over to where I'm working to tell me that the man had an erection the size of the Snake River while listening to us talk. Good God, *eyeroll*, "I didn't need to know that" I said and went back to work while the ladies composed themselves.
I now know that my rants against perverse behaviors can induce a boner, granted, a dog farting could give a guy a boner, but dayum! The fella had left in a rush, to the boys room I presume and I finished shelving my books, Joan finally stopped blushing and all of us will think twice about what we talk about in the bookstore.
I really need to think before I spew my opinions, twice this past weekend its pissed off people or entertained them, I'm not always right, damn close, but not always and I need to think about that before I induce more unwanted phallic chubbies, but then again, if makes your shopping experience pleasurable (*ock*) then yippee for me, I think--maybe--nevermind. =P
