My diagnosis helped me figure out the right work scenario -I am my own boss now- but it also renewed my struggle to find my place in the world. I have always felt I was living in a slightly different universe than everyone else, my own little planet spinning on an axis tilted just a little past Earth's. Knowing about my AD/HD has helped me understand what planet I'm from. Now I'm working on communicating better with the earthlings.
I have never been officially diagnosed with anything other than that little "binge-drinker" business in the 90's and really, who didn't binge in the 90's? That is until the bubble burst, oh yeah, and the misery that is my hip and back (the pain is back, lucky me). My sister who has an ADD child we'll call her "mini-me" reads up the subject frequently and found this little ditty of an article that I totally related to. I have to re-read most things as to have a full understanding as to what the fuck I just read. Reading a book can take awhile unless I completely shut down all other activities such as blogging or anything having to do with a computer.
I've got all the symptoms of ADHD, a nice little addictive mindset, compulsions that border on obsessive and the attention span of gnat on crack. You'd think I was from another planet. As a child I can remember each and every incident when the light came on in my wee little head, OHhhhhhhh, thats how you read!!! OHHHhhhhh...That's what that switch is for! Ohhhhh....That's what the teacher meant by homework! All these revelations happened months or years after the average student got the gist of it all, but hey, I got it, finally.
I'm a daydreamer, a doodler and at business meetings I draw masterpieces during power point presentations that rival Da Vinci's and then have to follow up on the presentation with a co-worker, after I promise to give them the doodled masterpiece. I know I'm smarter than the average bear, unfortunately bears don't take SAT's, bears don't have to make a financial living or have to worry about taxes. As my sister learns more about "Mini-me", I learn more about myself. At times my creative compulsions take over, I'd spend hours in my biology class drawing and labeling human organs but the teacher expected the same from written assignments, the fucker.
"[sic]... The two places you're likely to find adults with AD/HD are at the highest ranks of leadership, visionary entrepreneurs, brilliant artists, superstar entertainers, and on our nation's couches, unemployed and discouraged. AD/HD can be an enormous advantage if the situation is right. Unfortunately, the world is full of wrong situations."
This is very true, ever since high school I've always been a leader: President of the Art Club, in the community theater group I went from stage-managing to director in a very short time and at work I went from part-time bookseller to manager-in-training within 6 months of being hired, I so fucking rock! Each and every position I held as leader was chock full of errors and again, until the light in my cluttered Cupie brain came on, it was all blind posturing, but of course, I looked good doing it.
The term for our condition is still evolving. Doctors first called it "Morbid Defect of Moral Control" (that fits me sometimes). For a while researchers thought it was brain damage and called it "Minimal Brain Dysfunction." ADD became the official term in 1980, morphing to AD/HD in 1994.
Morbid Defect of Moral Control??? No comment, heh. What I do know about myself is that sometimes I'm all over the board, this looks interesting, that looks interesting and once I've conquered it, I'm done with it. I live in a world of books, my walls are lined with volumes ranging from art to science. I have floor stacks throughout the house of political essays and Get Fuzzy cartoons. I have art supplies up the ying-yang, everything from rubber stamps to unpainted canvas's; there are a million and one things I want to learn, do and see, but it takes a serious amount of focus if I want to finish anything.
Today's society needs a diagnoses for the slightest of dysfunctions, annoying to be sure, but what we learn from it can only help us understand the why's of why we do the things we do. "Mini-me" is a dreamer like me, she's creative and talented to no end AND she's a little strange like me and understanding how ADD and ADHD works will only help "Mini-me" to be the best she can be and hopefully she won't struggle with compulsions and addictions like I have throughout the years.
One thing that has helped with my "Minimal Brain Dysfunction" has been blogging. I've centralized my interests so that I'm not all over the board as much. I have to think before I spew if I want to be taken seriously. My planet is a candy store of ideas and thoughts that come to fruition once I've written about them. Blogging is my form of medication that helps me be less the freak I once thought I was and the "misunderstood genius" I really am. *strikes a pose*
