Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Just Another Manic Monday, Oh eee Oh, Wish It Was Sunday, But It's Fucking Tuesday, Oh ee Oh La di da

-"Honey, do these Gap clothes make me look like a fat hideous cow and do I really dance like that?" Welcome to the virtual Gap world of Watch Me Change; design your body, hair and face, and then cover that shit up with something already, christ. When I did it, I had really big boobies and virtually no waistline, I fucking love the internet! [via adrants]

-I just saw Hillary Duff's Candies commercial and promptly jammed the first sharp object I could find in my eye, my cat still doesn't understand why she's hanging from my eye socket, ah, well, its good to accessorize.

-Microsoft says it is they who have the whole world in it's hand, um...ok.

-Currently I am reading Chuck Klosterman's Sex, Drugs & Cocoa Puffs, the title alone is brilliant, a potential band and or blog name, a tour de force of pop culture up in your face, so far, we like very much.

-And speaking of forces and tours and whatnots, if the Tour de France was a boil on your ass it would be wise to LANCE it, wouldn't you?

-The Space Shuttle Discovery was launched successfully a few minutes ago, whew! Godspeed and say hi to Scotty for me.

-David Sedaris has got cooties, yum.

"Why do you do that?" I asked, and she looked at me, saying, "Germs, silly. All kinds of people have had their heads against that seat back. Doesn't that just give you the creeps?" And I admitted that it had never occurred to me.

"Well, you'd never lie on a hotel bedspread, would you?" she asked, and again: why not? I might not put it in my mouth, but to stretch out and make a few phone calls-I do it all the time.

"But you wash the phone first, right?"

"Umm. No."

"Well, that is just . . . dangerous," she said.

In a similar vein, I was at the grocery store with my sister Lisa and noticed her pushing the cart with her forearms.

"What's up?" I asked.

"Oh," she said. "You don't ever want to touch the handle of a grocery cart with your bare hands. These things are crawling with germs.Â?

Is it just Americans, or does everyone think this way? In Paris once, I went to my neighborhood supermarket and saw a man shopping with his cockatiel, which was the size of a teen-age eagle and stood perched on the handle of his cart.

"See?" Lisa said. "ThereÂ?s no telling what foot diseases that bird might have." She had a point, but it's not like everyone takes a cockatiel to the grocery store. A lifetime of shopping, and this was the first exotic bird I'd ever seen browsing the meat counter

-Bloody 'ell
A public service announcement: If you are American, and use British spellings like "favour" and "realise," and if you ever, ever use the word "bloody" as an intensifier, then you are worse than Hitler and fuck you.

Wanker, heh. [via]