Monday, August 29, 2005

At What Cost Beauty?

Once a fresh looking teen idol, Hilary Duff has gone from beautiful and healthy looking to kind of a skanky and the new teeth make her look like Mr. Ed. A Horse is a horse, of course and a totally affected young woman needs a spine implant, pronto. Dayum, I'm not going to be mean here, but really, what fucking dentist said ok to horse teeth? Big Hollywood teeth didn't work for Courtney Love and they don't work for you and for the love of all that is edible, eat something, anything. And ladies, know this, a little bronzer goes a long way a looooooooooooooong way, if you don't have a tan, you don't have a fucking have a tan and to all you "Beauty Experts" get over the bronzer already, it looked awful in the 70's, 80's, and thankfully the 90's couldn't give a shit, but that bronzing crap is back, and honestly it just looks awful.

Also, I don't get the "Spray on Tanning" and self tanner trend, no matter how much they say you won't have streaks or won't appear "orange" you still look like a fucking orange zebra. God in it's infinite design made the Sun and we like it, we do, but we made our ozone disaster, letting the Sun's rays breed skin cancer in some. So, instead of getting gradual sun to attain that healthy brown tone we all admire, we've created the shortcut of all shortcuts in "spray on's" and self-tanners which ultimately don't make you healthy, but rather you resemble a pre-cancerous Oompa loompa, dead sexy.

A little message to young ladies everywhere, dare to not fall prey to the "Beauty Experts", dare to not get Giant Horse teeth and Oompa loompa skin. I would kill to have Hilary Duff's original smile. Rebel against it. Don't tell me pink is the new black, brown is the new black, there is no fucking new black. Black is black, bronzer is gauche and big Hollywood teeth are for caricatures. Okay, I'm done, carry on.