"Kevin McCoy, a 27-year-old Wal-Mart employee from Aberdeen, thought it was a joke when an e-mail popped in his inbox saying superstar Tom Cruise wanted to meet him ... in Aberdeen.
"I wouldn't expect Tom Cruise to show up in Aberdeen," he said Wednesday, sitting outside the Aberdeen Wal-Mart smoking a cigarette. "Maybe Seattle, but I didn't expect this to happen. ... It's too big of a thing. It's hard to get it in my mind that it's real."
Oh it's real sir, it's real. So grab your protective tin foil deflector beanies and prepare to marvel in the glow that is Tom Cruise. He's prettier and richer than you all, he's battled his Thetan demons while the rest of us tickle ours, he's a righteous movie star, behold his hairy ass.
Tom Cruise, Wal-Mart employee, Aberdeen Washingtion. There's a conspiracy in the making, I just know it, my Thetans told me.