Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Ode to the boob tube

First lets start with American Idol: Elliot phoned home tonight, so, America gets a final with the guy who looks like he needs to take a crap when he sings (Taylor) and Kat McPheeverish. She can't win, she sucked rotten crusty balls of ookieville when she sang Elvis songs and for that she cannot be forgiven. The Elvis night for McIsucklongtime was her hurricane of destruction and even FEMA can't help her,, nevermind. Have some goddamned balls America (or blessed balls for that matter) and vote for the spaz next week, the man needs to take a dump. Thanks.

Lost - um...damn those writers!!! What's so damn special about Walt??? Why don't I need a gun so I'd have to sleep with Sawyer??? Damn it!! Why does that psycho bitch from the tailies need those four???? Why??? Why!!!!!! OMFG. *splat*

Top Chef - Why the fuck didn't Dave, the most neurotic chef on the planet, make it? I'd eat his food. Tiffany is an uberdouche, a talented, albeit amazingly arrogant chef in her own right, get a pass. I want her to LOOOOOOOOSE she's to full of herself, I spit on her food....pppp-too-wee! Listen hon, "I'm not your bitch, bitch." You can thank Dave for that saying. Thanks Dave. Humble yourself Ms. Tiffany, because according to people that Paris Hilton hang out with, your a firecrotch, it's the red hair and honestly, I just wanted to put firecrotch in this post and to add a positive note: at least it doesn't burn when you pee being a firecrotch n' all.

If you couldn't tell, I want the cute humble dude to win, I can't remember his name, but he's been quiet and terrific all this time and he knows how to handle meat, props dude. Honestly, the only thing that would make me not want him to become the "Top Chef" is that he's a personal chef for Tom Cruise. Alrighty, that's it, I'm done bitching until tomorrow.