Monday, June 19, 2006

Reviled and Revered: Asshole Warfare Tactical analysis

The last out of the game belonged to Barry Bonds. Swing. Miss. Ooops, sorry all about it.

I didn't "boo" Barry Bonds like a few thousand others did each time he came to bat. I had no real reason to dislike him - I don't know him. I know what I've read and he sounds like a supreme asshole, but to be fair there are far worse assholes out there. Celebrate the asshole people. Without assholes we'd have no way to expel the evil toxins that build up in our bodies.

So, I was thinking that when people see the human equivalent to an asshole, they boo and hiss. This got me to thinking that perhaps when these people are at home, sitting on the porcelain God's face, do they boo and hiss whilst dumping the kids at the pool?


My imagination can get the best of me sometimes.

The fact is is that I finally went to a Mariners game that they won! As a matter of fact they swept San Francisco under the carpet and I enjoyed it immensely. Not because I got to see Bonds one goes in pursuit of seeking failure, but because, I hadn't been to a game that they M's had won yet and no fan can tolerate that kind of rejection as a constant. The M's were quickly becoming the turd that wouldn't drop into the toilet. The turd finally dropped (whew) and the division is anyone's guess at this point in the season.
Barry Bonds was reviled and revered, all in the same at-bat Friday night. The Mariners through the weekend produced pennant-race-quality starting pitching. And by the final out Sunday, it was rumored that Mariners reliever J.J. Putz, and not the federal government, ex-wives, former girlfriends or current lawyers, owns Bonds.

Putz didn't own Bonds as much as he cashed in Bonds for some pocket change. Cha-ching!

"Reviled and revered", Bonds is the Ann Coulter of the sports world, an asshole. I haven't jumped on the I hate Coulter bandwagon (this time) because it's just easier to hand people that I don't agree with a moist towelette for their chapped assitude. It's a nice and more productive approach than wasting energy raging on the likes of the assholes in the world. Remember this - assholes are all muscle. So, perhaps instead of moist towelettes, you can cause harm with a coarse paper towel, if that's what you wish.

God, I LOVE baseball.