Monday, April 05, 2004

Kurt Cobain 1967-1994 "I miss you, I'm not gonna crack"

Its hard to believe that 10 years have past since Kurt Cobain opted out of this life. But he did leave us with examples of his genius, he left of with his likeness in his beautiful daughter Frances and damn if he didn't leave us his widow, who herself is hell bent on going down in flames with her tits in our faces, thanks Courtney.

I listened to Nevermind everyday for over a year, I still have the candle given to me to me by a complete stranger as I wandered the Seattle Center in tears the day of his memorial. I remember hearing "Smells Like Teen Spirit" for the first time on the radio, in awe that someone from the hell that is Aberdeen, Wa. had made it. Anything Kurt or anyone for that matter has said about Aberdeen is so very true, dark, damp and utterly depressing. My siblings were Kurts age and my brother hung out with Kurt for a time, I was just a peripheral acquaintance, the bitchy sister who just didn't get the Melvins, still don't.

I only really knew Krist N. with his wicked little all purpose, orange shagged, black tiger stripped van, my fondest memory of which took place on the 'Hill' in Aberdeen, my older brother and myself hanging out with the gangly geek, getting stoned, drinking beers and looking out the open doors of Krist's van starring at a sparkly night view of the hometown we all wanted the hell out of and fast. On that night, we didn't know what the future would hold. Krist eventually married my friend Shelly, my brother moved to Olympia and within a few years I myself was in Seattle. Then it happened, Nirvana came on the scene and changed all of our worlds, I was proud that they had made it, that Kurt & Co. would rise above the limitations of a small logging town. Nirvana, in its time was Bliss.

I was at Nirvana's last show in Seattle, the In Utero tour, Kurt had already tried to off himself in Europe once and honestly we'd thought it would be our last opportunity to see them as rumors of a breakup were looming. I literally ran into Kurt on the street on my way too work one day, he was incognito in his wacky way, huge winter coat with fur collar and upon his head a leather pilot's cap with earflaps and goggles, at first I thought some stinky transient from Pioneer Square, but when I saw it was him we just smiled at each other, nodded and gave the universal shout out of "hey", I turned to watch him walk away, so much had transpired those last few months and no one really knew what was going to happen and then unfortunately it did happen, the music died one more time.

On this day I hope that it will be more focused on the music he made and not on the controversy of his death, with the release of Love & Death, a book pointing fingers at Courtney as Kurt's murderer, (mmmkay). If you want a good look into Kurt's life read Charles Cross' Heavier Than Heaven and not only because you'll find my name in there (heh) but because its a fair and balanced look into a tortured soul. If you want a look into his psyche try the Journals.

Seattle's 107.7 The End a station built on Nirvana, is remembering both Kurt and Layne Staley of Alice in Chains, both men who lived on the premise of Pete Townshend's immortal words "Its better to burn out then fade away". If ya say so...RIP dude.