The Criterion: I am not a shallow person, but I do have some standards. In order to bid on a date with me you must be a woman. I am not gay nor bi-sexual so for all of you gay men, I am sorry (I would be upset to miss out on a piece of ass this sweet as well). Next, the women that do decide to bid on this auction must be no younger than 15 years old and no older than 35 years old. The women, most importantly, must have a wonderful personality. She must want to dance and be sociable with my friends. Also, even though personality is most important, I would prefer the women to be attractive. Other than that, as long as you are not so psycho ax murderer, I would love to bring you as my prom date.
Nothing like whoring yourself on eBaY for a prom date. Alas, I'm to old for this young fella, which is probably for the better now that I've retired my Mary K Letourno costume. Why do I suspect this will eventually be a Law & Order plotline?