Friday, August 26, 2005

Kill The Television

Summer television ratings are in the toilet:
LOS ANGELES (Hollywood Reporter) - Broadcast television is suffering its steepest year-to-year decline in summer viewing since 1997, according to an analysis of Nielsen Media Research data issued Wednesday.

Why the Networks Suck: Reality BITES.

Rock Star: INXS made me want to dig up Michael Hutchence's rotting corpse and prop his sorry dead ass up in front of the surviving INXS members, if only to remind them that you can't replace the irreplaceable, now that's rock n' roll. The contenders on the show just don't get it, ask Gary Cherone, formly of Van Halen, you can't replace the greatest replacement of all Sammy Hagar, he survived because he just rocks and he replaced the pompous dinglefuck, with a much smaller wiki no less, David Lee Roth who was, at one time rumored, to replace the irreplaceable Howard Stern, who incidentally, has a rather large wiki. The INXS contenders are nothing more than the back up bitch of replacements and that is, if anything, as sad as the state of the network work your show resides on. C'mon CBS, the show should have been called CSI: Rock Star, there is no reason that I could fathom that you should continue this show in the future, leave the homogenized rock to American Idol.

I Want To Be A Hilton, actually no, I do not want to be a Hilton. I don't want a Hilton's ass to cross my computer screen again and I sure as fuck don't want to watch a Hilton on television. All I want from a Hilton is their money.

The only reality series I watch with any regularity is the mother of all reality series Mtv's The Real World and that depends solely on the cast for the season. This particular season has been entertaining at the cost of the uber-gorgeous real-worlder Danny. From his drunken testosterone filled whomping which resulted in getting his skull cracked and inevitably scarring that pretty face to the shocking death of his mother has been keeping me coming back. Not to mention his budding relationship with fellow real-worlder and equally gorgeous Melani, it's a good season for the Real World, it might not be Survivor, but I'd rather watch pretty people suffer and backstab each other than "real" people fight for food.

The best of television right now, in my opinion would be Arrested Developement it's Soap for a new era; constantly smart and hilarious and fortunately the network execs at FOX were smart enough to pull their head from their asses long enough to renew the show for another year. TNT's The Closer, FX's Rescue Me and Nip/Tuck are both brilliant, now if I could only remember what day they're on and there in is their problem. These shows, with the right strategy will hopefully live long lives. A note to t.v. execs, give us a ring, I can help, but whatever you do, DO NOT give the television viewers anymore Reality television, unless it involves a scratch n' sniff function.

What have you been watching and why? I'm willing to try new things that don't start with Vh1's I Love the ______'s.