Saturday, September 17, 2005

Blowing it, Cats & Rats!

We haven't been in a very bloggy mood this week, maybe it's the Sudoku or the change in weather or worse, my brain has fallen and can't get up. It could be due to the fact I'm in the midst of 3 books right now and the puzzles have become more difficult and I have to tweak my strategy. Maybe we're burnt out on politics, I couldn't give a shit what the president says anymore, he's the bad boyfriend in a wife-beater tank I'm choosing to kick out of my life. Don't say one thing and do another, it makes me wanna set bitches on fire. I don't care the Britney Federline gave birth to the anti-Christ this week. I don't care that Renee Zellweger grew a brain and is divorcing her stalker, "you had me at hello" my ass and don't talk to my ass, the only response you'll get is puff of rancid stinkage. Bah.


Ooopsie Award: Unintentional penis on religious book called "After You've Blown It"


Angry Black Bitch Does Presidential Address, cheers!

Absolutely Useless Bullshit on Ice

5 Cups Franklin D. Roosevelt – Massive aid package, healthcare coverage, job training, federal land for homes program and a public works program.

2 Cups Truman with Reagan Preservative – Take responsibility…for the Federal involvement…which you didn’t know about…because you trusted the people around you…who made mistakes…while you were not in the room…and you can’t recall who/what/when/where…what was the question again?

1 Teaspoon Clinton – Profess a great understanding and concern for poverty. Note – in this small quantity Clinton does not have a huge impact on the overall mix.

2/3 Cup Pure Reagan – Announce incentives for entrepreneurship with the explanation that tax breaks for companies will create jobs. Note – Reagan is an artificial job stimulant and may have a bitter aftertaste commonly referred to as trickle down recession.

2 White, very white, amazingly white Eggs – Make sure that NBC flashes to two separate shelter shots to show evacuee (egg) reactions to your plan. Note – brown eggs are unpredictable and angry and may turn on your ass, which is why you want to use white eggs for public preparation.

1 Cup Vinegar – Promise a lot but present no plan to fund this shit.

10 Cups Bullshit (level off each cup) – Announce a congressional investigation to oversee the executive branch investigation, both of which are being led by the very motherfuckers who will benefit from a fruitless investigation into this mess!

Mix until smooth, pour over the entire country and bake for the next three years…until some brave and/or stupid fucker takes over in 2008 and actually tries to eat a portion of Absolute Bullshit on Ice…

Damn she's good.

And finally, I bring you the nude, the snarky, Smiley Muffin and her snarkalicious CAT NEWS, Funny shit. A blogger's pet of choice is the cat, I mean we're alike in so many ways. Feed us, we will purr. Pet us, we will purr, clean our shit box, we'll purr. Tell us something we don't want to hear, we'll stare at you like the idiot you are and promptly lick our not. Splash us with water, we'll slash the fuck out of you.
[link via CC Insider, insider what, I don't wanna know]