Sunday, October 30, 2005

Celebrity Ego Check

Top 10 celebrity egos according to Teen People magazine. But did they earned their egos?

10. Lindsay Lohan - Child star, boobs blossomed (roll that bitch in glitter and get her an FHM cover, pronto), rock star wanna-be, channeled Ann Coulter for a few months, scared little girls and pundits everywhere. A young woman that knows her power is very impressive, not impressive is to think we give a shit about her talent, it's nice n' all, but so is finally dumping a load after a row with constipation. Ego earned? Not yet, with genuine talent a little goes a long way, remember that Ms. Thang.

9. R. Kelly - That's ego? I thought it was an Amber Alert. Ego earned? No, dude, ego doesn't equal a hard on, even if your Tommy Lee.

8. Avril Lavigne - Stringy hair does not an ego make. Ego earned, Avril rhymes with Advil take two and call me in a decade, mmmkay?

7. Justin Timeberlake - Actual talent with big..ahem.."ego" satiates Cameron's womanly needs, although, it could be the dead sexy white man fro that does it. Ego earned? Yeah, but keep it in check, your mother scares us.

6. Jack White - Talent, takes chances, most likely still breast feeding; once victim is depleted of breast milk, Jack releases new album. Ego earned? Not earned as much as born with, keep the breast milk on tap son and keep on rocking.

5. Christina Aguilera - Again, actual talent, the skank-ho period had us questioning her, then she got all Beautiful, bought some breasts and has rechecked that ego, the less we see, the more we appreciate. Ego earned? Sure, but stay away from barbecue and embracing your inner white trash, your welcome.

4. Beyonce - That face, that ass, the voice, that ass, that J.Z., that heinous skank-ho clothes line with mother *shiver* keeps ego in check. Ego earned? Indeed, as long as Mariah Carey feels threatened by you, you're going strong.

3. Usher - Nice body, good voice, but his face looks like a caricature of himself, he's really goofy looking if you stare long enough. Ego earned, as long as women keep throwing themselves at his washboard belly and goofy face, sure.

2. Kanye West - Jesus walks with him, he gets all excited, trashes Bush, Jesus rethinks walkin' with a hater, backlash ensues, releases Gold Digger with Jamie Fox, Jesus starts walkin with Kayne again. Ego earned? Kind of, but keep that shit in check dude. Walk the talk, be the example and don't play the hater card, when you do, your no better than a Bush.

1. Paris Hilton - Ummm....Ego earned? No. No talent, eager beaver much to the delight of Greek men and opportunists everywhere. Ms. Hilton embodies everything superficial about America. Ego earned? Born with it, along with enough money to buy and sell me and my opinion on eBay, like the bitch gives a shit what anyone thinks, if she did, she'd have some taste, tact (nasty snatch alert) and talent.

Me and my ego have spoken. Have a loverly day.