Friday, May 12, 2006

On Notice/Dead To Me The Full Moon Edition

Some mornings you wake up in a pissy mood. Hideous dreams were brought on by watching fucking Tom Cruise on Leno last night. It was awful and if I was Tom's adopted daughter I'd disown his sorry ass. Jay kept saying "now that you have a daughter..." and Cruise just played along with no mention of Isabella, the daughter he already has with Nicole Kidman. I listened to the interview some more hoping that Tom would remove his head from his ass long enough to realize what was going on, but it never happened, it was all phallic motorcycle babble that made me wanna blow chunks, box them chunks up and send them to both Leno and Cruise. Needless to say, the interview weaved it's way into my psyche prompting hideous, albeit enlightening dreams. I woke up this morning with my usual Edward Scissorhands hair but instead of the goofy semi-smile that comes whenever I wake up ("Oh, I'm alive! Good times!) I had a scowl and wanted to kick my cats. Never a good way to wake up, Jay and Tom your little testosterone laden chatter may have just fucked up your kid for life. I'm thinking that Tom has more Thetans to battle than he thought, Scientologists take note and spank the bitch.

Steven Colbert has the right idea making a On Notice/Dead To Me list and it's time I started one as well:

On Notice
1. Britney Spears' babies daddy
2. American Idol viewers
3. Lethal Yoga
4. Laundry
5. Katherine Harris' gun permit
6. Camel toe and dry and cracked coin slots, ew.

Dead To Me
1. Wal-Mart
2. George W. Bush & Co.
3. Paris Hilton
4. The Apprentice
5. Tom Cruise
6. Jay Leno
7. Burka's and eating Spaghetti with a Burka on.[link via AS]