Tuesday, September 12, 2006

I Just Called to say...I can't hear you...

My lan line went tits up this past weekend, there was no dial tone and I recieved a variety of peculiar late night calls I can't answer from a certain Guadalupe, Roxa in Florida. I don't know who you are Roxa and personally I could give a rats ass, because if it's 11:30 on the Pacific Coast, it's 2:30 in Florida and I can only presume your drunk off your ass when you call. All I hear when I pick up the reciever is crunchy noise.

Ms. Guadalupe, you've called every night for the past 3 nights and here's the thing...I'm done with your drunk ass and late night calls, the phone company has been here and we have found that it's their equipment that has gone to rot and when my phone is finally fixed, I'll be able to answer, so be prepared. Listen, If no one answers the line, there is no reason to call a 5 or 6 more times just to make sure you dialed the right number, it's obvious that you didn't, you dumbass drunk dialer.

Roxa deary, I have had to unplug my phone at night because of you and that's just bullshit and speaking of bullshit, just calling the phone company was a nightmare in it's self, I couldn't get a "live" person to save my life! This morning I finally get a call from the technician and unfortunately the poor guy got an ear full of "who the hell is Roxa Guadalupe and why is the bitch calling me so late and why can't I answer her drunk ass? "And why don't you ever get a "live" person when you call the phone company?" the man stared at me and said "where's your phone at?" That was it, he said nothing more and never quite gave me eye contact. Sure, I looked a bit crazed holding a bunch of empty water bottles I had collected from around the apartment so that he wouldn't think I was a slob with a water fetish, so along with that and my ever attractive morning look of Edward Scissorhand hair and unconfined breasts bobbling about my mid section, (a scary sight to say the least), that's what you get at 8 a.m., but thanks for the prompt service and um...sorry about the dragon breathe and um...hey "How YOU doin'?" ;) ;)

My phone is fixed now, all is well, but listen up Roxa I got your number and a bottle of Jagermeister with your name on it. Cheers!