Friday, May 02, 2008

Change - d again

"Be the change you want to see in the world" - Gandhi,

Okay, I can be the change I want to see in the world. That is if change would be so kind as to cut me some slack for just a fricken’ minute so that I can process and proceed. I have no choice but to allow change to form the future course of life as I thought I knew it to be. I'm changes bitch. Ugh.

Change in my life is not unlike loose change that you can find in your pocket, on your dresser, and at the bottom of your purse (or “man-bag," if you will). If I could only bottle all the loose change lying around I’d be rich, but at this moment it is scattered about wreaking havoc on my floor, my washing machine and growing hair on the bottom of a water-logged red leather purse. I want to be rich; I just can’t gather all the change and make a dollar or any sense of it all. I self medicate and supplement it with a dollop of pharmaceutical aid courtesy of the the gynecologist who, with her hand up my girlie unit, divulged that if I didn't chill out soon I'd have a heart attack. Golly.

Water changed the course of my life recently. The hot water hose connected to the washer in the apartment that I never fully moved into decided to Katrina the living shit out of my belongings as I labored away for 12 hours for a thankless, soul-less, burned out troll. It was on that day that water made the bold decision to make changes for me. It decided what was to be gone from life, and it decided I had to move – again. I still don’t know what I have left of the past but I know the future doesn’t have room for it.

As the year has passed the new job has mutated into just "the job" and as the corporate leadership mafia reevaluates the nature of changes within the industry and the economy our evil boss has opted to step down. A self demotion before those of the "they" the very "they" of the "they just don't understand" ilk that we are so accustomed to blaming all-that-is-wrong in the book business on; those of “they” who convey the change we resist, decided to step her right the fuck out of the store. Karma has a play date with change – News at 11. I won’t go into details, but with this change brings more change - another new direction out of my control - but exciting nonetheless.

My body has changed, for the better. Oddly, a diet of stress garnished with Xanax, Zoloft, beer and other assorted carbohydrate combinations eaten on-the-fly while I attempted to corral the constant irrational change at work has attributed to a waistline long forgotten. It was change that brought on the belly and change that tames it now.

The political world has embraced a woman and a black man as candidates for the Presidency – Holy fucking change up the ying-yang Batman! This is a change long time coming and it’s beautiful. It changes how we see and discuss our ever changing future and we’re looking at issues we haven’t had the balls to address without protest or riot in as many years as I’ve been alive.

Change is life as we know it, we only deceive ourselves by grasping onto routines and subjective acts of normalcy and calling it all good while underlying factors melt our realities. Fuck change. Embrace change. Change has fucked me in the ass time and time again and like the President before me I couldn't - or rather wouldn't - support an exit strategy and admit failure to comprehend all the change. Change is nothing more than the reaction to an action and boy is my ass sore but apparently ready to take on more. Ummm.....twisted and demented analogy, indeed. The good news is that I'm writing again and hopefully I will continue to do as such as I want to be the change that I expect to see in the world. I mean, why the fuck not?

I'm back, miss me much? ;)