Wednesday, October 07, 2009

Sophie took a walk

A couple days back I was decorating my porch with Halloween matter when Sophie, a mixed Siamese with the vocal cords to prove it, followed me out to the front porch while I hung a garland a fake autumn leaves (nothing screams "harvest" like plastic). I kept on eye on her and she just sat there gazing down the stairwell. I continued with the festive decorations, a pumpkin here, witch there and checked on her throughout the afternoon. At one point I noticed she hadn’t even laid in the sunny patch and watched her look at me then at the stairs, I gave her a scolding look and said "don't even think about it Ms. Hairball!" and put some flowers in a plastic pumpkin head. Neighbors came and went which typically sent her running back into the house but she sat there unmoved and stoically staring down the staircase.

It was a beautiful fall day and I got a lot done, the home was decorated with plastic autumnal frivolities and I settled in for the evening when I realized she never came back in. No loud demands of "canned food now, bitches - no, no...The other can". No sounds of kitty horking. I searched that night, the next two days, asked neighbors the usual "lost animal" tricks - she's gone. She was sick, old, weak, tired and hadn't touch food the two days prior to her leaving. I'm thinking she just went off to die. She had that look in her eyes - "stairs be damned bitch, I'm tired and I am gone!” they say animals do that, the selfish little beasts.

She was never a cuddly cat. She had a raised spine rendering her unable to jump high or land gracefully like other cats. We didn't even like each other for the first year or so after she came to live in my home. She was "rescue" kitty, having just given birth, angry & scared with a guesstimated age of 2 years or so...heavy on the "or so" with a chip on her shoulder. Always having been an outdoor cat she brought home gifts of dead birds and shrews into the house, some say tokens of love, I say meat, this horrified the indoor cat sensibilities of Ruby who I can only imagine thought..."that did NOT come from a bag!" She shredded the furniture, the walls, books, Ruby and me. She once brought a new roll of paper towels into the living, looked at me and then proceeded to rip the shit out it in a very Soprano's veiled threat kind of way. She was intimidating to say the least.

I don't know the exact time we silently agreed to cohabitate civilly, but we got into a groove; she tolerated the smoking, the parties, floods, moving - twice within a year and the intermittent parade of insignificant others and I learned to patch up my furniture, Ruby and buy band-aids regularly. She had a pampered life, beds, toys, steady supply of catnip and I happily obliged her and as long as no blood was shed things were good.

The past few months were hard on her, I bathed her, brushed her, clipped her nails, the very nails that once punctured a vein after a "you don't own me, bitch" thwapt to my wrist and blood spurted wildly all over clean laundry for what seemed like hours. I've been cleaning up endless piles of puke, near misses and no so near misses by the cat box. She had recently stopped chasing bugs, playing, refused catnip and replaced it with sad howling. It broke my heart and keeping her alive was extraordinarily selfish of me so I decided that I was going to have her put down this week. Well, she obviously had other plans and decided to take matters into her own umm...paws and took a walk instead.

She will be missed and I have the love shaped scars to prove it.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Dear Oprah and Obama I'm Nickeled and Dimed to death and all I want is to smile

1) Do NOT download any crap associated with facebook hoopla's that included a free search tool. They introduce viruses to your computer. I know this because I am currently combatting a gazillion virues, some trojon, some not, that are directly related to "my search" and "fast search" that "My Tattoo" bullshit brought most of this on. I've got my own fucking tattoo's on my person - like them, love them really and I don't need cyber tattoo's, thanks but no thanks. Pay attention to the shit that facebook is affiliated with and don't download ANYTHING that will compromise your computer - period! I didn't want the search bar, I tried to reneg on it when I accidentally downloaded it and now it's chewing the f'n soul out of my computer.

2) Personal scheduling - OMFG, this, that and wtf-ever. Jesus Merry blet blah bloop! I haven't had two consecutive days off in weeks and I'm cracking. I've had a inventory that lasted until 4 in the morning last Sunday...a twelve hour+ day! Woo! I'm trying to schedule a Kiosk opening a double VP visit and I've got a store to make fanfuckingtasitic for the visit, open the Kiosk, train the peeps, accomodate the VIP's the following day, appease the new hires scheduling needs and....rock the usual standards I expect from my employeess.

I'm fucking pissed at the world right now - My heart is weary.

wtf is going on???????????????????? Oprah or Obama can't fix this shit???? Help cuz I'm done.

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Happy Feat

So, I helped in opening one of the prettiest bookstores in the Northwest, a bookstore so pretty that it has a name "concept" (original, no?), right smack dab in the middle of the future of what a bookstore should the future...or um..the present - now, I'm there sniffing the carpet glue whilst I toss aboot product.

We're a digital society and like any good capitalists my company honed in on the hottest of trends; we the people are completely ravaged by our addiction of being in the "now", oh boy...dare I say it...."real time", (email, texting, paging, damn it, we need you now, life as we know it will collapse without an immediate response society.) All other time as we currently measure the fire globe, before this point in um..time, was only relative (did your head explode? mine did days ago...I'm making potpourri) needless to say you can download crap at my new store, you can buy shit to upload more shit, you can buy this thing that will bring you cable shows at the North Pole! Books, yep..lots and hell, you can upload books to your ereader. Here we are in the now and I got a sexy bookstore that wreaks of NOW. With that comes glitches that abound, things break, the sexiness factor has become a needy girl/boyfriend, one that needs validation every fucking second you're in the same vacinity, oy. It's been a trial to say the least, but's hot and amazing and really fuckin' cool and I'm there. Nice.

This store won't be for all folk, but that's how we humans roll, no? We all like different things, I for one am constantly amazed by beautiful shiny things and that's what this store is and I'm proud to be part of it. That aside, things are still in the organizational phase and things are overlooked, so when I turned to give the GM a report, I was greeted by a dolly (left behind from a delivery moments before) and um...twisted and contorted my body in ways it has never known (at least that I will admit to without a yoga teacher present)anyhoo, I did the great cartoon dance of '08, you could almost hear the bloopy cartoon music. I looked at my GM while doing the death dance and I thought to myself, "fuck. it." and fell all the while I still held her gaze and then like some fearless animated creature I bounced like a fucking Tigger, I'm a human f'n marvel, so watch yer orange and black ass Tigger, this cat would dig your paycheck, wink, wink.

Miraculously I'm just sore...shit happens and do note that I willingly acknowledge my shortcomings (cough *no grace* cough) even before I know I have them and well, I am far from graceful by any measure, but damn it I'll put on a f'n show for ratings (I got "10's across the board) I did and now I'm sore and here we the future when minutes ago it was only speculation. I'm exhausted, but, I see a light...oh my. ;)

Good Night :)

Operations Manager, LOL!!!



If your in the Seattle are come to largest mall in the state (shoot me) and check out the store. :)

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Share where? Here.

Okay, things I'm digging currently, tis cool to share:

The Kills - I totally missed the Seattle show, I so suck, they so fucking rock!!!!
"I want you to be crazy baby, cuz you're stupid when your sane" right on.

It's like X frosted with the Pixies, with a splash of the White Stripes, a dash of Sonic Youth...oh furk, they need no comparison, they ate my rock n' roll soul, chewed it and spit it out and I love them all the more for it. Music lust. LOVE THEM!

John From Cincinatti - An HBO series so amazingly smart and thoughtful my mind exploded with every episode when I watched the first run on HBO. Surf's up folks and my father says it's all good. "See God Kai" and we'll never know if she does because the suits at HBO didn't have the balls to continue on with it (fuckwits). It was indeed cancelled,, buy the DVD and tweak out yer mind. It's full on amazing and weird, just how I like it.

Boomsday - Christopher Buckley rocked me with this book. Social Security reform, anarchy, politics...farce abounds. Satire forever. Read it.

Alrighty, that is all...Hillary won Kentucky, Obama won's cool like that. ooooooooooooooo, look at me posting two days in a row...*sigh*

Monday, May 19, 2008

Write on with the diddly

Maintaining a blog can be about as fun as reading a blog that never posts diddlysquat.

Diddlysquat, I believe that it was George Carlin who asked, "What exactly is diddlysquat?” Well, I'm here to tell you. Diddlysquat is everything, but it don't mean diddly. And when you diddle, not to say that all things diddle, but they do, does it mean squat?

Yes, everything is everything. With that said (a supreme line of bullshit indeed) you will see that I neglect to write regularly. I lack many things in life but mostly I lack willpower and discipline. Sure, under the right circumstance or situation I'm a devilish hoot, but I try like hell to be less hootie and more not blowfish, but you get the drift, I've got this human thing going on and I'm fallible and lazy.

Art has always been a more tactile experience for me, that is until I started writing, blurbing, schmurbing, blogging...and then it stopped. Many friends and family asked why, I said I was lazy, tired, spent and I was but everything and others words and perceptions brought me back here and I know I have to write on. So, forgive my lazy ass (like a lazy eye, but without the patch). I will come to terms with the will to write and practice the discipline it takes write stuff, diddlysquat and assorted other babble, if not for myself, then for the abyss of the web and its assorted and loverly residents.

It may not make sense, but I think I know what I'm doing, kind of.

Thursday, May 08, 2008

A New Hope

In the historical footnotes of life you will, at this juncture of our political existence, find the persevering message of "hope". You know what hope is, right? It's that ache of anticipation residing deep within your belly whenever something good or bad is about to happen. It's going to happen, with or without you. So it is suggested that you suck it up and deal. Swell.

This blog, me, moi, and the assorted other personalities that reside within my psyche are supporting Senator Barack Obama for President of these pretty and ever so purple United States Of America. Why? It's not the color of his skin, skin color has never had any influence on any decision that I have made in this life; however, it is the senators' ballsy message of "hope" - audacious indeed.

The war has worn us down, the economy rips at what's left in our wallets, and the status quo in D.C. (the vitriolic bullshit that is American politics) has worn us the fuck out. Blah to it all.

Hope. It's what we feel when we awake every day. First and foremost, we hope that we wake up and when we do how fucking lucky are we? Very lucky. Hope is all we have ever really have had in this life on the spinning rock. Nothing, I repeat, NOTHING is a given and we take it for granted every day; we bitch, we moan in pleasure in pain, we ignore the realities of the inevitable (death, or so they say and we all know about "they", ahem.). We are so arrogant in our thought processes. Hope, it's all we got. Sure, love is all we need, but it's hope that spurns the process of loving, acceptance and tolerance.

I sat on the fence for some time being a feminazigirliethang. I wanted Hillary to be the answer to all the ills of our world, but it ended up being politics as usual and that left a nasty taste in my mouth. Notice to politicians: It has been said that eating pineapple reduces the unsavory taste of nasty political spunk. Try it, as I find it hard enough to swallow that we are one nation under God, when I believe that we are one world under the cosmos (the concept of one God is super fantastic, but a few atoms got in the way) and that all acts of the positive nature will see us through the unknown.

It is not about a black man and a woman (finally, after all this fucking time) it's about a positive message, it is about leadership with a positive effect, and not about who'll answer the fucking phone at 3 a.m. Sweet Mary.

Get down with your purple self and be real about what matters and what truly matters is the message of the promise of a hopeful new day.

Hope: it's all we got. Vote Barack Obama this fall, or not. Again as I've always muttered, the choice is yours. Just see outside of your current reality and touch, smell, and live what is our one saving grace, and that is HOPE. Dig?

Friday, May 02, 2008

Change - d again

"Be the change you want to see in the world" - Gandhi,

Okay, I can be the change I want to see in the world. That is if change would be so kind as to cut me some slack for just a fricken’ minute so that I can process and proceed. I have no choice but to allow change to form the future course of life as I thought I knew it to be. I'm changes bitch. Ugh.

Change in my life is not unlike loose change that you can find in your pocket, on your dresser, and at the bottom of your purse (or “man-bag," if you will). If I could only bottle all the loose change lying around I’d be rich, but at this moment it is scattered about wreaking havoc on my floor, my washing machine and growing hair on the bottom of a water-logged red leather purse. I want to be rich; I just can’t gather all the change and make a dollar or any sense of it all. I self medicate and supplement it with a dollop of pharmaceutical aid courtesy of the the gynecologist who, with her hand up my girlie unit, divulged that if I didn't chill out soon I'd have a heart attack. Golly.

Water changed the course of my life recently. The hot water hose connected to the washer in the apartment that I never fully moved into decided to Katrina the living shit out of my belongings as I labored away for 12 hours for a thankless, soul-less, burned out troll. It was on that day that water made the bold decision to make changes for me. It decided what was to be gone from life, and it decided I had to move – again. I still don’t know what I have left of the past but I know the future doesn’t have room for it.

As the year has passed the new job has mutated into just "the job" and as the corporate leadership mafia reevaluates the nature of changes within the industry and the economy our evil boss has opted to step down. A self demotion before those of the "they" the very "they" of the "they just don't understand" ilk that we are so accustomed to blaming all-that-is-wrong in the book business on; those of “they” who convey the change we resist, decided to step her right the fuck out of the store. Karma has a play date with change – News at 11. I won’t go into details, but with this change brings more change - another new direction out of my control - but exciting nonetheless.

My body has changed, for the better. Oddly, a diet of stress garnished with Xanax, Zoloft, beer and other assorted carbohydrate combinations eaten on-the-fly while I attempted to corral the constant irrational change at work has attributed to a waistline long forgotten. It was change that brought on the belly and change that tames it now.

The political world has embraced a woman and a black man as candidates for the Presidency – Holy fucking change up the ying-yang Batman! This is a change long time coming and it’s beautiful. It changes how we see and discuss our ever changing future and we’re looking at issues we haven’t had the balls to address without protest or riot in as many years as I’ve been alive.

Change is life as we know it, we only deceive ourselves by grasping onto routines and subjective acts of normalcy and calling it all good while underlying factors melt our realities. Fuck change. Embrace change. Change has fucked me in the ass time and time again and like the President before me I couldn't - or rather wouldn't - support an exit strategy and admit failure to comprehend all the change. Change is nothing more than the reaction to an action and boy is my ass sore but apparently ready to take on more. Ummm.....twisted and demented analogy, indeed. The good news is that I'm writing again and hopefully I will continue to do as such as I want to be the change that I expect to see in the world. I mean, why the fuck not?

I'm back, miss me much? ;)

Monday, September 03, 2007

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Spew It Forward Miss South Carolina Style

"I believe that children are the future...teach them well and let them lead the way..." OR not..yikes.

Alrighty then, to be fair I was once interviewed by the local media when the sequel to "Gone With Wind" came out....and you know what? It sounded exactly like what Miss South Carolina said, I may even have had an Osama reference as well, sure it was 1995, but wtf, I think I was speaking in tongues that day (much to the dismay of the reporter). Shit happens, but holymudderofgawd, that girl sounded like Britney Speares hashing out current events whilst imbibing the fuck out of a Jager bottle.

It's late and again I apologize for not updating this more often as Bush's baked beans seem to dropping like flies. Bush's brain, gone. Gonzales made a not so speedy exit. It's a pathetic state of government. Yes, things are happening as they should, perhaps a bit too late, but shit is going down!

My job, well, I love the job, can't say the same for the state of the company or the General Manager (straight up evil, bi-polar and downright CRUEL) I won't go into details as I'd like to keep the job and I'm being trained to be a General Manager (taking over for evil, it can only go up from here), but um...fuckmewithagoddamned fork! This job is truly testing my will to continue working (checks MegaMillions ticket, *shakes head*). 7 months in my new home and I've still got boxes that need unpacking because I work 50 - 60+ hours a week, every week (I'm a manager and I'm managing to wither, mostly). "Your lucky, I could schedule you 56 hours a week like some GM's" spake evil.

Oh really?

Some days, I think if I say or do the right thing I'll get a promotion to Vice President of Whatchamacallits, it's what my company is doing at present, relieving stores of "full timers" and promoting every Tom, Dick and Harry to VP status, it's truly unfucking believable, dissent is as rampant as is the rash on my blistered and weary ass. I said I'd give it a year and I've been working closely with the DM and HR to alieve some of the irrational happenings and bullshit (not an easy position and unlikely to be found in the Kama Sutra), but Jesus's been difficult. Whatever...I'm following my bliss(ter?)...right? Ugh.

So anyhoo, Miss South Carolina, you sounded like a complete fucking moron, not to worry, the President sounds that way most days and I too have babbled shit like know...South Africa n' shit, education and Osama. You'll get recognition and many a Google hit and as for me, I'll get another IRS audit for judging the uber pathetic excuse for a commander of chief (the bitch still doth suck...BONG! Another $1000 to the IRS...mmmkay..), I'll get retribution from evil GM for saying she's twisted and evil. I'm just straight up fucked, God Bless Americanz and um ...South America, education and um, I'm hungry...what?...does this dress make me look like a prom queen? No? My ass is fat? Somebody put a fucking tiara on my head now! Fuck.

Did any of this make sense? What the hoopy shmoopy ploopy!!!