This just in...

Britney Spears apparently needed to prove her heterosexuality by getting married. Either she was getting too many letters from overtly butch dykes, or maybe she was tired of hearing about Justin Timberlake's success and rumored relationships ( I kinda wanna lick his sculpted belly myself, muah ha ha, mmmkay), or maybe the stupid bitch was drunk off her ass, feeling lonely, and tagged her current boy-toy. Such is life, good luck Mrs. Alexander, you'll need it.