Tuesday, November 29, 2005

To Blog Or Not To Blog Or I can't believe it's not butter...

I've warned you all, 4th quarter is a soul sucking experience for me, three locations, 20 individual personalities to delegate and keep on track, hundreds of consumers with little or no money to buy books because they beat the shit out of each other for an out of date, low quality lap tap at your local discount-or-die-store of your choice. Happy Holidaze sauce is the drool that dribbles down my chin on my return home from work these past few days. I manage to kick off my shoes and then pass out sitting straight up in my chair for approximately 2 hours every night, and when I wake up, my mind still thinks its at work and I'm embarrassed that I nodded off until I realize that it's not a customer cuddled up on my lap, but my cat, I am home and I still have a few hours to contemplate the next days event. I consider doing laundry or whatever I need to do of which blogging is the last thing on my mind, let alone checking email.

I did manage to see Walk The Line, any Joaquin Phoenix movie tends to make me start counting with my leg like a horse, I don't know what it is about Mr. Phoenix, but I like it and I enjoyed the movie as well.

We will attempt to blog some more this week if the mind allows, have a lovely day and all that other shit.


A L T E R N A T E N A M E S F O R
" I C A N ' T B E L I E V E I T ' S N O T B U T T E R "
By Bob Shea

"Not butter? Then what the hell did I just eat?" Spread.
"I still say it's butter" Spread.
After all the damage you've done to this family with your habitual lying and deceit, you have the nerve to sit there with a straight face and tell me that this isn't butter?" Spread.
"I'm pretty sure that was butter" Spread.
"I'm comfortable calling this butter" Spread.
"This challenges everything I've come to believe about butter" Spread.
"I'm not Entirely Sure it's Edible" Spread.
"I'm willing to suspend disbelief about this being butter for about as long as it takes me to eat this toast" Spread.
"In the absence of actual butter, sure, I'll play along" Spread
"I guess you could call it butter. If you don't put any in your mouth" Spread.
"From a distance, you'd swear it's butter!" Spread
"I can't believe it's so flammable" Spread.
"I have no reason to believe this isn't butter" Spread.
"Am I wrong about God too?" Spread.

[via McSweeney's]

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Gobble Gobble

Have a very warm and wonderful Thanksgiving Day.......really.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Me=Bad Blogger




















=

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Now with 11 essential vitamins

I live in Chuck Taylor high tops, they're comfortable, colorful and have a rubber tipped toe to protect your toes from any social foot disease running rampant, it's a win/win all the way around. Today we have a corporate visit at the bookstore and I'm sure my boss is wandering if I'll pimp out my fabulous feet with my beloved shoe of choice or if I will grace their appearance in formal footwear, I'm undecided as of yet, it depends on the outfit I choose to wear, I'll let you know later, or not. However, we are happy to announce that Converse has finally received my subliminal thought assault of "I want to design my own damn Chucks!" and low and behold they built it and I came. Design your own damn Chucks!

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Here's The Thing....

It's 4th quarter. I work in retail. 4th quarter is an amazing, soul sucking experience, the workload doubles along with the customers. Yesterday, as I was setting up yet another holiday "value" store within the mall, a woman walked by and said "Oh good, a bookstore, this Mall has needed one forever!" at which time I turned around all sweaty and bitchy and hissed at the ignorant bitch. Yeah, the mall needs a bookstore, we've been there in that Mall for 20 years, but I guess the mall needs a damn bookstore. We've also heard this a lot, "When did you guys open?" --stare, drool--cough-- "20 years ago."
"Oh, I don't shop at this mall much, heh."
"Ah." I say instead of bitchsmacking them.
I sell them their book and proceed to tell them we're closing in a few months and they say "awww, that's too bad, I like this store." Do ya now?
My horomones are a raging fucked up mess, buy some more shit without the commentary please. Thanks.

No links today, so busy, no brain, la-di-da...

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Linked for your pleasure

Ana Marie Cox gets inside the NYT's and reviews "Senator Barbara Boxer's new political-thriller-cum-romance-novel hinges on a Supreme Court nomination battle: the president's selection is a tight-lipped, right-wing ideologue; the Democrats are certain she will "help turn back the clock" on court decisions." The horror, I can't even fathom living in that world.

Actor John Cusak gets his politic on, if this article were a boom box, I'd get on him.

Hell, who needs flu shots when you can make the most proven method of safety ever devised: On the Effectiveness of aluminum Foil Helmets: An Empirical Study

FOX sucks big ass elephant dingle: Fox puts abrupt stop to 'Arrested Development', what a bunch of fucking morons. If any other large network had the balls to pick it up would be just as shocking and to replace Arrested Development with fucking Prison Break, bullshit. A.D. is brilliant!! Prison Break is retarded, blet. Okay, I've spoken my mind on the matter, for now, the asschimps. And a note to NBC, bring back SCRUBS, pronto, bitches.

I want one of these trees please, with the holidays coming and all the blather about materialism and whatnot, what better then to celebrate the holidays with Charlie Brown's Pathetic Christmas Tree!! I need that tree like a hole in my head, but hey, whats another orifice to clean? Allllll righty then, have a super dandy cream-filled day.

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Dear Mr. Colbert

Dear Stephen,

Is it wrong to do my monthly breast exam while watching the Colbert Report? Just wonderin'.

Respectfully,
Cupie xoxox




Some enterprising Colbert groupie made The Colbert Nation site complete with letter from Mr. Colbert himself:


I know not all of you are fans. Some of you are here because you disagree with my no-holds-barred journalistic techniques, and my maverick stance on the issues of the day. I welcome opposing viewpoints, but I should warn you that you'll be facing off against the 2nd-place finisher at the 1981 Charleston County High-School Debate Tournament. And whatever became of that county champ who argued in favor of tractor safety modifications? Last time I checked, she didn't have her own show.
It's times like these we learn to love the web again.

My Inbox and other stories

Click to sliiiiide Well I guess apologies are in order, I had some work on my "inbox" this week and was out of commission, let's just say my inbox had some junk mail and I deleted the shit. So, I'll try like hell to catch up on a weeks worth of events via my inbox and a brief blog surf:

The week started off as usual and then it went downhill from there, leading me to say Augh! [Link via zombywoof]

Shit rolls down hills, especially when you wrap it in a pretty package and give it a nudge, I'm talking about CNN dumping the "folksy" Aaron Brown and replacing him with The Anderson Cooper posable action figure (complete with Hurricane Grip).
The writing was on the wall a few weeks ago, when CNN executives added Cooper to "Newsnight" as Brown's co-anchor, then started jazzing up the show with loud lead-ins and over-the-top graphics. Brown was forced to move from behind his desk and deliver the news while awkwardly standing in front of the set --presumably because some focus group full of twentysomethings declared that sitting was too sedentary for these hip, frenetic times.

I took it personally when Brown was dumped and almost shed a tear for the guy and then I remembered Cooper's blue eyes and "passion and enthusiasm", there is a time and place for "jazzing it up", but I for one, like it slow and steady, life is frenetic enough without having the News come off as a sexual assault on my senses. It's not enough Wolf Blitzer's Situation Room makes me feel like an inadequate ADD has been. I can't keep up, and the same will be said of Cooper's flash after awhile, when we remember that time is fleeting, contemplation and quiet at the end of a long day is what the body requires to replenish the life-juice, not more flashy shit in our faces, even if it's pretty and chock full of protein.


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They say to keep your friends close and your enemies closer and like any good President, Bush keeps tabs on his "enemies" like Wonkette, Michael Moore, and the left side of the blogwhirrled.
Shades of Richard Nixon and his "enemies list" Â? According to Doug Thompson, Publisher of Capitol Hill Blue, the Bush Administration "has compiled dossiers on more than 10,000 Americans it considers political enemies and BUSH "ENEMIES LIST" UP TO 10,000 uses those files to wage war on those who disagree with its policies."

Trust me 10,000 is nothing when your leader of the free world, paranoia self destroy ya, imagine if the man still drank then he'd be Soupy George, oh the folly!

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Blatantly ripped off from Adrants:
"California business partners Dawn Westlake and Bruce Rheins have submitted a patent request for a wine label which reads "Jesus Juice" and contains a Jesus and Michael Jackson-like image in a crucification pose. the two hope to market wine under the label and are currently seeking business partners"
Enterprising fools, drink that in remembrance of him? I think not. Currently seeking business parteners = $$$ don't do it, there's enough garbage on the planet.

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Who said it?

Hey, you know, if you want to ban military recruiting, fine, but I'm not going to give you another nickel of federal money. You know, if I'm the president of the United States, I walk right into Union Square, I set up my little presidential podium, and I say, "Listen, citizens of San Francisco, if you vote against military recruiting, you're not going to get another nickel in federal funds. Fine. You want to be your own country? Go right ahead."

And if Al Qaeda comes in here and blows you up, we're not going to do anything about it. We're going to say, look, every other place in America is off limits to you, except San Francisco. You want to blow up the Coit Tower? Go ahead.

As long as Bill O'Rielly exists the Cobert Report will have ratings and for that alone I thank God for O'Reilly's existance on the spinning chunk o' rock. I mean that comment was like he got his inner Coulter and is still wearing the panties to prove it. Oy. [via Shakes]

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"[T]he political gossipeuse"? The word gossipeuse just made my ass itch; here's the exclusive first review of Ana Marie Cox's Dog Days.
Just call it Bridget Jones Goes to Washington or Sex and the Capital City, though readers hoping for some real-life dirt (or at least a salacious facsimile) will be dealt nothing more than lightweight fluff and throwaway farce.
I doubt anyone thinks Ms. Cox could write fluff and if she did, it would be laced with midol, vitriol, and a Washingtonienne action doll.

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Elsewhere in the blogwhirrled:

Confederate Rainbow Flag post via Side Salad.

"MODO" lust @ TMLTMF

1 (310) 717-1919 That's Tom Green's phone number and he wants to hear from you and me at least that's what the Dizzy one says. Tom, my bum is on the rail too, I dare you to sniff that very rail, I do.

Okay, that's it, gotta ease back into the whole "spewing for the sake of spew" thing. Have a loverly Saturday and give Tom a ring.

Monday, November 07, 2005

Blew Balls

This is my brain click to enter
We got a lot on our plate this week and I'm eating every damn thing on the plate, we'll share the details as they happen. If I had balls they'd be blue by weeks end, this is exciting stuff, ok, not so much exciting as hectic. Click to enjoy the inner workings of my mind this week and have a super fantastic ball busting day!

Rev it up.........no...really...rev it.

'Racy' writing: Harlequin to publish NASCAR-themed titles -
Harlequin Enterprises, best known for its romance fiction titles, is planning to add novels with storylines plucked from the NASCAR stock car racing circuit.

A licensing agreement announced Wednesday with NASCAR will see Harlequin publish a variety of NASCAR-branded "women's fiction" titles
.


WANTED: Knitting needle in eye.

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Anyhoo.....

Doesn't it irritate you to high hell when people use the word "anyhoo", perhaps that's why I use it, to bug you, hard to say. Anyhoooooooooo, last week wore my ass out, as the ass had a very long work week so did the rest of my body. Sometime after Wednesday, it was just this big white ass dragging along my body parts. Our holiday decorations at the bookstore are just short of ingenious wonders and I have the paper cuts to prove it. So here I am, ready to start another work day, my ass is proportionate to my body again and that's just a cruel joke on me and those who really wanted to see the spectacle of an ass ruling a body -- think of Duyba ruling the country, that's how my ass felt, confused, exhausted, and beat up on. But, then again an ass has no place ruling any body, let alone a pasty white bitch going through sugar withdrawal and peri-menapause, it is time to put the ass back in it's place. Have a loverly Sunday, my ass just said "hello" (muffled babble), it also just tried to wave or perhaps I just had an itch..hmmm..enjoy your day.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Half ass hump day

Charles & Camilla, yawn.

The Dems shut down Congress, and no balltwisting was needed, however giggles were heard throughout the building.

The Senate Judiciary Committee is ready to attempt to advance a newly minted, and renamed faith-based initiative that we all know as the Anti-Gay Amendment to the United States Constitution.

They now call it the: "Marriage Protection Amendment
."


When Government plays God, it's hard work ripping away civil liberties, the fuckers.

That's all we got today, I know, it's weak, just short of lame, but I suspect you'll survive, mid-week and I'm dust already.