Harry Potter, Harry Potter, Harry P O T T E R. I'm not sure if the world knows that the new Harry Potter book is being released on July 16th. Work has been exhausting, and I've had more conference calls concerning the release of Harry Potter than I care to admit. It hurts this muggles brain.

Jessa Crispin on the Pollack/McSweeney's smack down.

A few years back, one of my biggest literary crushes was on Neal Pollack. His whip-smart satires of bloated American writers like Updike, Mailer and Vidal were spot-on and hilarious. I would call friends to read them the best bits of The Neal Pollack Anthology of American Literature. Then I saw him onstage, reading from Updike’s memoirs in an '"Impeach George W. Bush" t-shirt, and it was confirmed. True love.

Not everyone, of course, finds Pollack as funny as I do. One of the unamused seems to be McSweeney's head honcho Dave Eggers, publisher, incidentally, of Pollack’s first book. When Pollack recently published an essay in the New York Times Book Review about the construction of the persona of the Greatest Living American Writer, and his desire to kill it off, it wasn't surprising that Eggers felt the need to respond in his usual humorless tone.

Humorless and overly reactive to say the least. Eggers responded so quickly to Mr. Pollacks essay, that you'd think he was part of the Right Winged media machine shoving talking points down our collective throats. What's sad is that for someone who is supposedly a genius, he just didn't 'get it'. Tsk tsk.

I've got your KING KONG trailer right here.

Alrighty, that's it for now, I know the content of the spew has been somewhat anemic as of late, but then again, I am somewhat anemic as I'm fucking bleeding to death (yes, again), I'm selling my ovaries on eBay, real soon. "Only used once a month for the past 27 years" enquire within. Within what, I'm not saying.

You'd think that I'd have a million words after the "speech" the prez gave last night, I don't. I've chalked Bush up to be the bad boyfriend Dun, dun, dunnnnnn, you know the kind, he chronically lies, tells you your pretty then beats the shit out of you "I know it hurts baby, but I had to teach you a lesson, I love you". This man is a wife-beater tank top away from being arrested for smackin' his bitch up on COPS. Face it, any fuckwit "bad boyfriend" that tells you he's moving out then doesn't is cruel, he pays the rent bitch, now shut up. Charming to say the least and that being said, I've never had a boyfriend like that, nor will I, ever.

For ICE CREAM (my ass doth quiver).

Gravity is a bitch and the artist is a smidge twisted.

NEW YORK (AP) -- John Fiedler, a stage actor who won fame as the voice of Piglet in Walt Disney's Winnie-the-Pooh films, died Saturday, The New York Times reported in Monday editions. He was 80.

Paul Winchell, the longtime voice of Tigger in "Winnie the Pooh" features, and also a versatile ventriloquist, has died. He was 82.

Mr. Winchell died early Friday in his sleep at his home in Moorpark, Calif., Burt Du Brow, a television producer and close family friend, said Saturday.

Mr. Winchell became the lovable Tigger in 1968 for Disney's "Winnie the Pooh and the Blustery Day," which earned an Academy Award for best animated short film.

WASHINGTON (AP) — With barely a word about it, workers at the Justice Department Friday removed the blue drapes that have famously covered two scantily clad statues for the past 3 1/2 years.
"Spirit of Justice, with her one breast exposed and her arms raised, and the bare-chested male Majesty of Law basked in the late afternoon light of Justice's ceremonial Great Hall.

The drapes, installed in 2002 at a cost of $8,000, allowed then-Attorney General John Ashcroft to speak in the Great Hall without fear of a breast showing up behind him in television or newspaper pictures. They also provoked jokes about and criticism of the deeply religious Ashcroft."

God in his infinite wisdom made the breast, he also made penis' and fig leaf's to cover the naughty parts, however, God has never made a synthetic blue curtain, that I know of, but he is considering making blue breasts and penis' -- fashion bits?

It's all about the right position and apparently "base-energizing positions" don't cut it when you rule the roost. Cock A Doodle, um, doo.

THE American general who commanded allied air forces during the Iraq war appears to have admitted in a briefing to American and British officers that coalition aircraft waged a secret air war against Iraq from the middle of 2002, nine months before the invasion began.
Addressing a briefing on lessons learnt from the Iraq war Lieutenant-General Michael Moseley said that in 2002 and early 2003 allied aircraft flew 21,736 sorties, dropping more than 600 bombs on 391 "carefully selected targets" before the war officially started.
The nine months of allied raids "laid the foundations" for the allied victory, Moseley said. They ensured that allied forces did not have to start the war with a protracted bombardment of Iraqi positions.

God, I haven't laid a foundation in months, maybe a new position is in order?

More @ The Big Brass Alliance.

So are you, whether you like it or not.

I love afternoon baseball games, we had great seats, 5 rows back from right field and sunburns to boot. The Mariners were spanked but being out in the sun instead of being at work is hella more fun than saying "hella", y'all. Let it be known the best way to hydrate yourself while baking in the sun is not with beer, I drank so much freakin' water on my return home I was bloated Cupie and sadly I couldn't burp or fart enough to relieve the discomfort of the beer gut or sunburn, who's sexy? ;)

Things that make you go "wtf?" or "hmmmmm":

Author Max Barry on the magic of STET!

Googlefight, no blood, just good old fashioned page ranks.

Rove Report:

"Conservatives saw the savagery of 9/11 in the attacks and prepared for war; liberals saw the savagery of the 9/11 attacks and wanted to prepare indictments and offer therapy and understanding for our attackers,"

Bitch, howzabout some therapy for your sorry ass. Engineer, my blubbery buttocks! Mr. Rove you are the queef beneath my wings. Your Welcome.

Polaroid-o-nizer™ it and have a super fantastic day! :)

Some weeks feel longer than others, but isn't it funny how time flies when your having fun? That is if you consider fun being abused by customers fun, "what do you mean you can't get it -- it's on the internet?"[silence]"This is inexcusable" [click]. Actually, what is really inexcusable is my rant to no one in particular after I was hung up on. "Mommy, why is that lady in the bookstore yelling at the air?", "I don't know son, but maybe she'll have this out-of-print book I've been looking for for YEARS, I can get it on the internet, but surely she'll have a copy, lets go talk to the nice crazy lady." Knit one, pearl two -- in my eye.

I'm off today to partake in the great American pastime of baseball, Safeco Field, da Mariner's staving off a last place ranking (again) and beer. No fair weather fan here, I love the M's even when they suck to high hell. Losers are so cool.

Linkage for the day-o!

Sorry about The Anarchist Cookbook:

"I consider it to be a misguided and potentially dangerous publication which should be taken out of print."

Dude, we were so fucking high when we wrote it, sorry, heh. [bookslut]

Tom Cruise kills Oprah!!! lol.

Surprising expiration dates!!

Marshmallows
Unopened: 40 weeks
Opened: 3 months

I knew this.
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The Onion 2056
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As not to come off as too pretentious, Dave Eggers, the prick-like editor of the hipster lit orgy that is McSweeney's responds to Neal Pollack's NYT's piece, because it matters, really.

Death becomes us, especially when "us" is a raging ego so out of control, we think the world will understand that its a good thing for an adult man to share his bed with childwen. Or say, you're so fucking miserable you want the world to know, dump your fiance' take a Grey Hound to Vegas, feel guilty about it and alert the officials and welcome an onslaught of media. Both Michael Jackson and The Runaway Bride (please, call her Jennifer...Jenny from around the block by way of looney bin, but by all means, call her Jennifer) could do what Neal Pollack did to Neal Pollack, Neal offed his persona, he simply killed the hip-political-satirist in his head and he's happier for it, his minions care not for his new found self, they want the bastard back, but that will have to wait for another election year methinks.

I can barely remember century's dawn, before my persona arrived. I had a job, I owed no debt, I rented an apartment, I wasn't married. My knees didn't hurt when it rained. Then I got involved with McSweeney's, which, according to most dictionaries, is an old Gaelic word meaning ''trendy literary scene.''

Take a few minutes to observe yourself through someone elses eyes, are you too hip for your own good? Are you so full of yourself the shit that comes out your ass shaped like your face? If you see an ego in the road, kill it and immediately reap the benefits of mediocrity, it's not so bad, it's just nobody cares when you're just like everyone else, right? There's only one way to find out.

Happy Solstice! Get naked and celebrate anything you want and for the love of burning gaseous orbs, make it legal. As for me, I celebrate my job, yeah, I could think of better ways to celebrate, but unfortunately the beginning of summer coincides with an inventory cycle at the store, not to mention a merchandising change out and various other booky type things, not that I'm exhausted or anything, did I mention Harry Potter preparation? No? Well July 16th is coming fast upon us, you have been warned and I'll type at you later.
Celebrate the weird ass moon.
Celebrate PBS and NPR and save them from Bush and his goons.

I don't have time to fill your minds with mindless linkage today, so busy -- must squeeze in as many hours as to reduce my hourly wage like a good salaried squid -- sorry about that, channeling Dilbert on a Monday morning is just sad. But really, I've got little for you today other than some quick links that will make you soooooo fascinating at cocktail parties, you'll be invited to EVERY cocktail party on the planet. If you're thinking you may grow a cock and a tail by knowing these facts, you'd be wrong and slightly twisted.

It was not such an unusual thing to do. Einstein's ophthalmologist had removed the scientist's eyeballs and put them in a safe-deposit box. Earlier acquisitive anatomists had preserved Galileo's finger, Haydn's head and Napoleon's penis.

Nifty! And finally, make your own damn wipes;
Homemade Baby Wipes for homemade baby's.

Pride:

1. A sense of one's own proper dignity or value; self-respect.

2. Pleasure or satisfaction taken in an achievement, possession, or association

Pride is being proud of who you are. Yesterday I took part in the Capital City Pride Parade
People met at the Capital steps to assemble and chat. I went to this part by myself, no friends to distract me. I sat on the steps for about 25 minutes just observing and taking it all in. Across the street there was a couple (a man and a woman) getting there wedding pictures taken. I thought how odd that what those two people had just done is exactly what all these people around me are fighting for, Fighting for equality. During the parade I rode in the back in a blue truck decked out in rainbow. We drove, marched and danced our way down the street to the park were the celebration was held. When I arrived there I met with my friends and we just stood there in awe. What we were seeing was beautiful. There where babies to teens to old women in wheel chairs. These people I was seeing were of different races, sexes and backgrounds. I knew nothing of these peoples life’s yet at that moment I felt more connected to them than I had to any other stranger. We where all there for the same reason we all wanted happiness and to be accepted. The park turned in a safe bubble where nothing could happen to us, we were bathing in the bliss of love.

There were speakers from PFLAG About a dozen drag queens put on a show, a gypsy swing band and a troupe of belly dancers came to woo us with there magic. As the day progressed on and my sunburn got worse I was still mesmerized by the people surrounding me. I walked around to the booths until I found the Human Rights Campaign booth Talking to the girl I learned that In more than two- thirds of the states that it’s legal to fire someone just because that are gay, bisexual or transgender. It is also legal to deny a person an interview or promotion for the same reason. She explained to me that hate crimes against gay people are rising but the federal hate crimes law does not cover sexual orientation. She told me that unless you’re married to your partner you can’t make medical decisions, get social security survivor benefits or get the 1,100 + federal benefits that you can only get though marriage. This is wrong in my eyes, Gay, bi and transgender people should not be denied what straight people get just because they are straight. I strongly believe in equal rights for all humans of all back grounds. Yesterday I found my self being over the top happy that these people came out to support one another in what they believe in and I wonder if the new married couple getting there wedding pictures taken was a sign, a omen stating that every one will have the rights to marry in only a matter of time.

Freaks: Public Broadcasting Targeted By House

A House subcommittee voted yesterday to sharply reduce the federal government's financial support for public broadcasting, including eliminating taxpayer funds that help underwrite such popular children's educational programs as "Sesame Street," "Reading Rainbow," "Arthur" and "Postcards From Buster."

Geeks: New Short From Pixar [via]

Spaz Alert: Tom Cruise, the first man to ever become engaged.

The Michelangelo Code:

Indeed, why would Michelangelo hide drawings of human organs in the Sistine Chapel?

Why not? Hrmmmmm

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and Olympus Cameras understands this, yes the dog looks a little creepy, but I'd adopt one, I think its cute, creepy but cute, now watch the video. Still creepy, still cute to me and in reality with a head that big I'd have to duct tape a 10lb weight to the ass of this dog to keep his body on the ground, but I'm sure the novelty of owning such a freak of nature would out weight any inconvenience. Olympus is selling a camera, but I choose to believe that they're selling the beauty of imperfections. [adrants]

The Sky Is Falling!
Speaking of adorable big headed things not on my match.com requirements list. Disney's Chicken Little will be released November 4th
To promote the upcoming Disney movie, Chicken Little, Boston-based marketing firm, ALT TERRAIN, enlisted 30 artists/influencers to transform unpainted vinyl Chicken Little characters into anything the artists chose for a bi-coastal gallery show and online auction. The first show was held May 19 at Meltdown in Los Angeles. The second show will be held June 16 at 360 Toy Group in New York..
[more pictures here]

I watched Morgan Spurlock's 30 days last night and it kind of made my already ailing head hurt. The challenge is spend 30 days living in someone else's shoes and last nights episode was all about trying to live on a minimum wage job. No, its not easy living on minimum wage, if your single, you can't live independently, if your coupled, expect to never see other and if you have kids, fuggedaboudit! Mr. Spurlock complained that the national minimum hasn't been increased in 8 years, mmkay, but I live in a state that has the highest minimum out there $7.25 an hour, I voted no to the increase because I had the foresight to what would happen and it did. When the minimum wage went up in our state, my hours were cut in the store, groceries went up in price, rent was increased, etc. This is what happens when the minimum is increased, it's a fact of life, it sucks much ass, but this is how it works.

Overall, I liked the show, my only problem is that instead of boo-hooing about how some people spend their lives going from one low paying job to another, he should take some time to empower people not to want to live that way. Taking risks in your life is scary, but so is living on $20 a day. If you think of minimum wage as an entry level pay scale, perhaps you would strive to work harder, get promoted, get an education, so on and so forth. No, you cannot live a quality life on a minimum wage, but you shouldn't think you can make a freakin' career of it! Don't think that if the government were to raise the minimum wage your life would be better, it won't as I mentioned earlier, your rent will increase, you'll pay more for everything and that is how in works in a capitalist society, period. So, no boo-hooing, take the risks you need to take to make a livable wage. 30 Days is interesting, thought provoking but, perhaps some resources at the end of the show as to where people can get help and information would serve them better then over-sensationalism. Yes?

On Thursday June 16, 2005, from 2:30 p.m. to 4:30 p.m. in Room HC-9 of the U.S. Capitol, Rep. John Conyers, Jr., Ranking Member of the House Judiciary Committee, and other Congress Members will hold a hearing on the Downing Street Minutes and related evidence of efforts to cook the books on pre-war intelligence.

We'd have to agree;

I hope publicists and publishers have taken notice. I would like to see The Daily Show become the nonfiction version of Oprah’s Book Club, with publishers scrambling to produce more books for the show to approve, sales rocketing with each interview and dozens of articles written about the show’s influence. Until that day, however, it’s already got one devoted book club member.

[via]

All I have to say is that its a damn good thing I don't drive in real life.
[via]

Wal-Mart Among 30 Best Companies For Diversity

Wal-Mart has been widely recognized for its ongoing commitment to diversity and inclusion. Wal-Mart was recently ranked among the top 50 companies for diversity in the U.S. for 2005 by DiversityInc. Magazine and was named one of the top corporations for multicultural business opportunities in 2004 by DiversityBusiness.com. This year Wal-Mart was also listed on the Hispanic Association on Corporate Responsibility’s (HACR) Corporate Index as one of the top 10 companies for Hispanics. Asian Enterprise magazine also included Wal-Mart in its listing of the top 10 companies for Asian Americans.

It's most likely the only place left in your city to find employment, so pardon me if the whole "Diversity" bullshit doesn't bring a tear to my eye. [Wonkette]

Televangelist breached guidelines: ruling
Jimmy Swaggart gets spanked, then tickled, then spanked again:

"I'm going to be blunt and plain: If one ever looks at me like that, I'm going to kill him and tell God he died," Swaggart said.

Swaggart also said that politicians who are undecided on the issue of same-sex marriage "all oughta have to marry a pig and live with him forever."

I don't know about you, but when I read those comments, I'm certain God smiled down on that man and then puked, and then told Satan to make room for one more.

The panel said the debate over same-sex marriage is "more than legitimate" and "democratically essential" but said Swaggart's "negativity" was "visceral."

"The problem of Swaggart's language is, in a sense, exacerbated by the fact that he, as a religious figure, can be presumed to set an example for his community. It would, therefore, be easy for someone to infer that this might be the proper way for a Christian of this sect (or possibly of any sect) to respond to homosexuality," the ruling added.

In related news, Jimmy shot fire from his ass three days straight after making the evil comments, amen.

That's all we got, we have a henious cold, sniffles, sore throat...etc. This is my only day off until next week and I can't be bothered with the internet any longer today...must sleep, must...ZzZzzzz. Have a loverly day.

The Internet folks just love some pussy action, I do too, I love my cats. :D I own two cats, a tiny little black cat named Ruby and a mammoth bitchy Siamese named Sophie. "The girls", as I lovingly call them, hate each other and are both very territorial of their person, me and I survive to tell this tale.

If one cat sits on my keyboard, damned if the other is seconds behind ready to fry the computer altogether; mind you, two cats sitting on a keyboard staring you dead on is some scary shit. They compete for my attention and I try to balance that attention to the best of my ability, although I know the attempt is futile and it will be me that is eventually sliced and diced when they feel it has become unbalanced. If one cat sleeps near my head at night, then the other must follow suit, there have been countless times I've awaken to cat ass in my face and when I turn my head for relief, more cat ass in my face. Cat's are kinda scary to own, but totally beyond cool, because they are independent, because they don't need to be bathed (unless you want to die a bloody death) and because, they comfort you even when you don't need comforting, bless dem lil' fur balls.

They say that cats take on the personality of their owner, so mine tend to hide when company arrives or if they're familiar with the people visiting, they stick their kitty asses in their faces, rub it, rub it NOW! I have as of yet to stick my ass in in anyones face that has visited me, but ya' never know. I can't open a can of soup without both cats screaming me "meow, meow, MEEEEEEEEEOOOOOW", which has reduced me to going into the bathroom, closing the door and opening a can of friggin' soup. I have yet to rub up against anyone who opens a can of chili.

But, what of a cat owner taking on the personality of their cat? True, given catnip, I'd rub all over you. If you didn't clean my cat box for over a week, I'd piss on your pillow too! Bitch. And yeah, if I were cleaning my crotch for the umpteenth time that day and you decided to vacuum and made me move, I'd give you a contemptuous glare that would make you wish you didn't have to sleep at night. If I felt unright for what ever reason, I'd eat a shitload of grass and hork it on your favorite throw rug, complete with the hairball from lickin' my crotch for the umpteenth time. I don't do any of these things, but, I do admit to being independent and bitchy and sometimes I like to be petted, but for the most part, I'm just a fleshy, hormonal wench with some linkage to share so I shall, if you want to pet my pussy go to the bottom of the page and pet my cyber-adopted kitty Jezzebelle, she'll attack your cursor if you do it right, purrrrhaps cats do take on human qualities! ;)

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Love Is Love Is Love

All these simple little things that make you feel love in your heart - are stripped from my soul when the current Californian laws state that marriage is only defined as between a man and woman. What gives the Government this right to judge and decide whom I should love and give my life, commitment, heart and soul to? The Government should be more concerned with terrorism, poverty, homelessness, orphans, crime rate, unemployment, health care, welfare and issues that are far more important than telling same-sex couples, "YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO MARRY." I love my partner more than life itself and for me not to be there sharing my life with her is a crime. [via]

My second favorite Gary posts on Sanitarium (Rick Sanitorium or something like that) and God bless his ass for it:

"That's’s right; I am drowning in a sink hole filled with a frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter. Yes, you guessed itÃ?…I am drowning in Santorum!"

Brilliant if I say so myself, and apparently I just did. What did you do? I said it myself bitch, why? Nevermind. Alrighty.

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Celebrity, sobriety and gay men all around, I'll take two, yum! WOOoOoooOOOoooHoooOoOOOo!
Maria meets Dave Chappelle and Jay from Queer Eye For The Straight guy and I'm fucking full on jealous, bitch. (Okay, so the whole "Bitch" Rick James shit is over-used, but like myself, that's okey dokey, sometimes we're a stretchy species)

I hope Dave's not mad that I put that picture up.

Rob had to go up to Tip Top Shoes on 72nd to check on a demo in progress and at this point we'd met up with Kat's cousin Kelly. We walked down the boardwalk to a gazebo where we roosted in the shade and people watched for about an hour. Then we moseyed up to Tortilla Flats for some Mexican food and margaritas. Just what the doctor ordered. Their margaritas are the best. As we sat there enjoying our food I glanced over at the bar to see yet another strangely familiar face. Guess who it was? Do you give up? Okay, I'll tell you.

It was Jai Rodriguez from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. In case you don't watch (you fuck), he's the one in charge of culture, i.e., music, arts, jewelry, etc. If you have never watched Queer Eye, you are missing out on seeing this cutie impart his knowledge and wisdom of all things fine upon the hopeless lads that they makeover on the show.

*--------------------------------*
OMFG, I'm such a literati slut for him, you can almost smell it....(scratch n' sniff option has been disabled)
Master of ceremonies is Neal Pollack. *quiver*
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:D

Feminine Mystique by a marked women
It appears that my "Tale of a fateful trip" post won over only a handful of the outraged feminists pissed at not being taken seriously by the male blog realm.

"Those who condemn our progressive sisters for attacking the ad on Kos, stating that we should all stick together and not get worked up about this issue, are being insensitive on a legitimate issue. We should value all the components of our movement and treat everyone with equal respect and dignity. Ads demeaning to women should provoke negative reactions from within."

Golly, I mentioned respect, didn't I? I'm not going to take it personally, I've come to believe that people will take you seriously if they believe in what your saying, gender be damned. Perhaps I'm independent in my thought process on this one, hell, I'm use to standing alone in a corner while a few applaud my tremendous standing-in-corner abilities. I just don't see how attacking a fellow progressive is at all productive, maybe I'd be more outraged if he kicked a puppy or slept with a Bush twin and posted the pic, but I'm beginning to think the left would find this a victory of sorts, I'm not sure about anything concerning politics anymore. I am a woman who does have cleavage on my header, I'm good with it. I find humor in the most dire situations, it's a survival mechanism that makes me a stronger and more tolerable wench, and yeah, I said wench!! LOL. Whatever, I'll continue standing in my corner of the blogosphere and being that it's a sphere, corners are hard to by and I will spew on. The irony is that if my fellow feminist bloggers were to stop reading me because of my "unity" stance, I'd be left with a readership of straight and gay men reading me (and not to dismiss like-minded women or you fabulous transgender folk ;) Thanks!), I'm good with it, but it seems silly if it were to happen. I stand in the middle on this on ladies, with my tits in their faces, laughing all the way.

Popped Culture
Freaky Universe of McDonald's Advertising. Ronald McDonald is creepy, the Hamburgular totally disturbed me and really what was the point of Grimace, I mean McDonald's didn't sell any purple food, I will admit to a slight crush on the purple blob, but even as a child I didn't understand his purpose. [via]

Politics

The House Republicans just shut down the Patriot Act hearings while the Democrats were still talking. It was absolutely amazing. Then they shut the mics off on the Dems. Even more amazing is that the House Republicans have the nerve to do this during a hearing on, what?, the Patriot Act! A hearing about our concerns about shutting down free speech and civil rights and the Constitution. So what do they do, they simply shut down open debate in the US Congress. Horrifying .

Surprising? Nope.

Reducing the Iraq War to premature ejaculation, somebody give that administration a tissue!

A briefing paper prepared for British Prime Minister Tony Blair and his top advisers eight months before the U.S.-led invasion of Iraq concluded that the U.S. military was not preparing adequately for what the British memo predicted would be a "protracted and costly" postwar occupation of that country.

The eight-page memo, written in advance of a July 23, 2002, Downing Street meeting on Iraq, provides new insights into how senior British officials saw a Bush administration decision to go to war as inevitable, and realized more clearly than their American counterparts the potential for the post-invasion instability that continues to plague Iraq.

'Hey.''Yes?' I asked. 'Thanks for not staring at my adam’s apple.'
'No problem.'
[via]

...A tale of a fateful rift, That started from this blogosphere, Aboard this tiny um, okay not so tiny, blog.
[que blog post--Cupie lights cig, swigs her Apricot Ale and begins her spew]
I believe it all started with the question "where are all the women bloggers?", a perfectly viable question in itself and answered with a force no saline implant could withstand, and it has ended up with the shameless Pie fight ad bullshit. I spent this afternoon at a memorial for a colleagues partner who had recently passed after a five year long struggle with cancer. These women never had the opportunity to marry, because of the law, but I don't think that mattered to them because it was their love of each other that mattered the most. So, this morning when the issue of disrespectful remarks by male bloggers towards the "sanctimonious women's studies set", "the crowd who dares not shave their legs" female bloggers, I was enraged at first and ready to post in a reactionary manner. Ah, but what the wonders of time spent with friends and family can do to temper any fury I had on the issue, what matters most is mutal respect and love and if you were to look in the political bloggyworld, you might see otherwise, but I'm not going to fall for it.

Now that I'm home, spent and a smidge less-bitchy all I have to say about the "Pie fight ad issue", is that its not an issue at all, its a splintering faction that the conservatives will use against the liberals all because some feminists disagreed with a progressive site pimping out Ginger and fucking Mary Ann having a fucking pie fight to sell tbs's shitty show and their dissent gives tbs a shitload of free promotion, duh. Now, I can uderstand some women feeling put off by the ads, but then Mr. Kos didn't help matters in reacting the way he did to the protests; "Whatever. Feel free to be offended. I find such humorless, knee-jerk reactions, to be tedious at best, sanctimonious and arrogant at worst", neato, how very knee-jerky-reactionary of him, a simple "I'm trying to pay the bills, sorry all about it" would have sufficed.

It is the passion in the political realm that keeps me coming back. I make every effort to see things from both sides, but first and foremost I feel there should be some form of respect from the authors that pen the rhetoric, facts and or blog spew. I cannot say this enough and I will say it 'till I'm blue in the face and puking on your shoes. R-E-S-P-E-C-T, hork. There is no rift, it's not the women bloggers, vs. the male bloggers, hell some women bloggers dis on women bloggers, usually they're dissing on the alpha blogger Wonkette, who I hold in the highest regard and yeah, maybe I fantasize about a pie fight with her, but, ....um...wait, I think I just rambled off the subject......oh yeah, a mutal respect from both sides would be appreciated. Liberals should be united, not all bent because some link-whore pissed them off and surly not all pissed because Howard Dean says what we've all been blogging about for years. He's says it unapologetically and matter-of-factly:

"People want us to fight, and we are here to fight," Dean said during a quarterly meeting of the party's 64-member executive committee. "We are not going to lie down in front of the Republican machine anymore."

It is our like mind that unites us; petty bullshit won't make gay marriage reality, pulling hair and pointing fingers won't stop the zealot's from over-turning Roe v. Wade and the blue ball fuckers that dis on the hairy-legged Femme-Nazi's (how's that for over generalizing? And hey, I'll shave my legs when your right nut descends! Better?) will not progress the liberal agenda of a better America for Nancy, may she rest in peace, who couldn't leagally marry her partner of a gazillion years and for EVERYONE, not just the affluent whiteys. There is no rift, there is only disrespect and the selfish matter of taking ourselves too seriously, so snap the fuck out of it people, there is a mission at hand, so lets not fuck it up or they'll eat us alive without the benefit of an orgasm and that in itself is a sin. *giggle-lil'-not much mind you-puke* /spew

The self proclaimed "king of wooden dialogue" gets a lifetime achievement award and roasted:

Carrie Fisher:
"Hi. I am Mrs. Han Solo and I am an alcoholic because George Lucas ruined by life. ... George Lucas is a sadist, but like any other young girl in a metal suit chained to a metal (creature), I keep coming back for more."

She complained that the success of the series provided the stars with a lot of fan mail and "a small merry band of stalkers," and in a reference to Lucas's wizardry in creating lifelike digital characters she said, "I hope I slept with you to get that job, because if not, who the hell was that guy."

A forwarded email from mom:

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, wine in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming...Damn, What a ride!

*Cheers!*

How I do love the blogoshpere, crazy, bitchy, fabulous and so very insane. Linkage from the best, to the best, my readers, you rock, but then again, I kiss ass only when its appropriate, which is never so consider your self lucky or click yer ass elsewhere. *smooch*

A tipsy bookslut, she's a book snob "mobbed by hipsters" at the McSweeny's booth (do note that I am full on fucking hip for linking to them or it might be rash, hard to tell), tre chic, tre expected. ("I'm sure their all lovely people")Two thumbs up!

Maria gets all Cannibussed:

What is wrong with a system which prosecutes people for growing and using a product that is perfectly safe for both medical and personal recreational use, while cigarettes and alcohol continue to be leading killers in this country and remain perfectly legal?

Well my beauty, the government doesn't know which country will grease their palm in a way that makes the hair on their palms most attractive. Two thumbs up and a slap on the ass! Btw, this chick rocks hard core. ;)

Mary, where for art thou beeyotch?
Email to Andrew Sullivan:

"Your reference to Jesus' closes friend as a 'former prostitute' I assume is Mary Magdalene. Please know there is nothing to suggest she was a prostitute. Even the Vatican, many years ago, acknowledged the mistake of previous teaching. The assumption of sexual sin when women are described in the Bible as sinners is evidence of the patriarchy that continues today. I've heard it preached about the woman at the well, the woman who anointed Jesus and Mary Magdalene, all being guilty of sexual sin or being prostitutes. There are no facts in evidence to support that.
The woman at the well, having five husbands, could just as easily been her first four died and she was handed off to brothers as property--the custom in those days. There have been other suggestions that the five husbands stood for five different iterations of God in Samaritan culture...etc.
In future writings when you mention Mary Magdalene, don't fall into the trap of a centuries old mistake. Give her a break. She's had the worst press of anyone in the bible.

Alrighty then..."point taken" says Andrew, and he damn well better understand that point forever; I'd hate to get all Da Vinci Code on his ass, that would be so uncouth and what would the literati think of me? Pardon moi while I try to give a shit, hehe, haha, hoho...say what? Mary's not a ho? Amen. Two thumbs up, a snap and a slap on the ass!

Pie-Ella the enchanted:

"Once upon a time in a land far away, there lived a princess named Pie-Ella. She was a sweet-natured princess, but very much a downtrodden doormat. After we left her last, Pie-Ella had just dispensed with her evil Stepboss, but later had been abducted by lovelorn suitor Rob-Serf."

Fucking whitey's:

Democratic National Committee chairman Howard Dean, unapologetic in the face of recent criticism that he has been too tough on his political opposition, said in San Francisco this week that Republicans are "a pretty monolithic party. They all behave the same. They all look the same. It's pretty much a white Christian party."

Prove him otherwise and forgive me for my brutalness here, but the 7 black repubs out there must comment on this yesterday and really tell me why the fuck your conservative, at the least ride the middle for the love of fuck. If you disagree, explain why in the comments, otherwise I don't get it.....der.com.

Clittiage....thanks, um...really. [NOTE; this is why I named one of the gazillion eggs slovenly residing in my fucking left ovary for this fella, he just rocks -- my labia, that is all.] And please take into consideration that no fucking Jungian bullshit will ever correct this, (I'd hate to have to set people on fire, its so bourgeois, thanks.)

Jewy Jewyington should have made the list, I concur-ly.com. Matt Lauer with the bald spot is so hot.

That is all for now, enjoy your frieday!

Dear Jack & Meg,

The disc is marvelous, each song melting into the next track perfectly, could you fucking rock anymore? I think not. To all those that beg to differ, let them eat cake, in reverse, yummy. I'm thinking about my doorbell, when you gonna ring, when you gonna ring it -- most likely never, but hey, this girl digs where the ding-donging is coming from.

Respectfully,
Cupie xoxox wooohoooo!

White Stripes NPR interview, fresh air indeed!

White Stripes website, *giggle-lilpuke-giggle*

Love Is Love Is Love got all bloggy on my ass when I wasn't looking. "L cubed" is Margaret Cho's Marriage Equality Resource Site that I've been pimping on my site for some time now and I was pleased to see that Gary will be contributing to its new bloggy format. He has a great passion for things he believes in and Margaret and Keri showed great foresight in bringing Gary to the team. Kudos to all!

Cul over at Ratboy's Anvil had an interesting post on a recent genetic study concerning gayness and fruit flies:

A couple of things occurred to me while reading the article; firstly, homosexuality is not just about sex, its also about emotional attachments, which makes it harder to assume that a single master gene could influence the entire phenomenon, and secondly, that even if it could be demonstrated in an iron clad manner that homosexuality is genetically rather than "choice" based, the anti-gay moralists and cultural prejudices will not be deterred anymore than they were (or are) for racial prejudices.

For Fruit Flies, Gene Shift Tilts Sex Orientation

And finally, I recently ordered in an adorable children's book called "And Tango Makes Three". The story is all about penguin love and the great hook-up of life and as all the penguins meet their mates, Roy and Silo meet and fall in love with it other, not each others gender, just each other. Once smitten, a relationship developes, homebuilding begins and life seems wonderful except that they can't understand why they don't have an egg in their nest like the other penguins, their nest was no different from any of the other penguins, so what gives? Fortunately, their keeper finds an abandoned egg and puts in Roy and Silo's nest and the guys are so thrilled to have what the other penguins have that they take the best of care with their egg, nurturing it along until it hatches and brings them a beautiful baby girl that they name Tango. The illustrations are as wonderful as the story and I must admit tears of joy squeaked from me eyeballs, oh my! The moral of the story could be argued by some over zealous freakazoids, but what I got from it is that you can't control who your attracted to and sometimes love takes an unconventional shape and the pureness of the shape can at times be a very beautiful thing, after all, love is love is love.

BREAKING DSM NEWS!!!
Um....apparently the Downing Street Memo is um, newsworthy, not because of a pending investigation, but because the story won't die:

"More than a month after its publication, the so-called Downing Street Memo remains among the top 10 most viewed articles on The Times of London site."

SPEW-WORTHY Books
Everything Bad Is Good For You: This book helps to justify that although our waistlines are thicker because we watch hours of The West Wing and played Tetris till the cows came home (soon to find, that you were the cow) we are smarter for it. Keeping this in mind, are smart people with arthritic thumbs, no social skills and numb asses are the new black?

Freakonomics: Abortions have lowered the crime rate, statistcally speaking, of course. And did you know your name can determine your success in life and until there is a CEO named Shaneeqwa Bleu this author stands by his claim, statistically speaking, of course.

Short Story Time:Turbulence by David Sedaris

On the flight to Raleigh, I sneezed, and the cough drop I'd been sucking on shot from my mouth, ricocheted off my folded tray table, and landed, as I remember it, in the lap of the woman beside me, who was asleep and had her arms folded across her chest. I'm surprised that the force didn't wake her --that's how hard it hit--but all she did was flutter her eyelids and let out a tiny sigh, the kind you might hear from a baby.

Link via TMFTML and he was even kind enough to take a crack at being a short, greek gay man:

Sideswiped
It was during that moment of anticipation and dread you experience when you're the next customer - finally! - in line at Duane Reade that I realized my wallet was empty, and if I wanted to purchase the corn pads my feet so desperately called out for, I'd need to visit an A.T.M. Oh, sure, I could have used a credit card, but I've always found them to be so poignant and depressing - combining as they do the coldness of plastic and the destructive illusion that you have more money than you do - that I decided long ago to limit myself to cash and a debit card. And while there was an A.T.M. in the store, Duane Reades have always struck me as so impersonal - blending as they do the immediate availability of foot care products and vaginal lubricants with a dead-eyed staff who barely look up at you as you purchase your lip balm and jock itch powder - that any extra second in there seemed like it would be somehow deducted from the minutes numbering my life.

OPtickle time: Bored? Stare at the disappearing purple dots (Rapid coloured afterimage) and have a super day!

In Whoopi Goldberg's biography, she starts off the book with a bit on stepping up to the responsibility of claiming your farts, and if you're entirely too embarrassed to stake claim for a particularly ripe one, you were to blame it on Tree Monkeys. Well now you can just sell those Tree Monkeys without fear of a PETA intervention here. Ladies only, thanks. [via]

Two years ago I was a neocon. I supported Bush’s war on Iraq and I called everyone who didn’t a liberal Kool-aid drinker. I voted for Bush in 2000 and I listened to Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity and just about any right-winger on the radio that I could get a four-word talking point from to use against liberals. I would say things such as "liberals won’t defend America," "shut up and sing," "freedom is on the march," and "you’re a great American." I supported the war at first because I bought into the lies and propaganda.

I no longer do. I’m a recovering neocon.

It works, it really works!!! What works? Your Brain, use it. :)

Fear the titties, they are evil and people don't like them.xxx. Some of my highest ranking posts are about the bosom. People like the milk machines, they do, they really do:

"The producers of TV's Desperate Housewives have reportedly spent thousands of dollars digitally removing the nipples from on-screen images of actresses Teri Hatcher and Nicolette Sheridan."

Say what??

Teen actress Lindsay Lohan's breasts have been digitally reduced for forthcoming Disney film Herbie: Fully Loaded, to avoid offending family audiences.

Wha...wha...What??
Them thar tits are "raunchy" according to test screeners. So, Lindsay starves her titties away to nothingness and all is well in the world. NOT! What a crock of shit, the whole tit-gate thing is really starting to make my nipples hard. Mammories.....light the corner of my mind...misty watered colored mammories...of they way...they were. Breasts matter and my diamond encrusted nipples were made to cut through glass ceilings. Do not fear the tit, the tit once fed you and yet, the tit is tortured daily having to be harnessed in a silky elastical bondage unit daily for your viewing pleasure. Now, if the above statements have given the male sex a chubby, that's their problem. Women are the ones who have to haul the globes O' wonder around, which we find not to be sexually arousing at all. So if our boobage gets perky from time to time, know that it's most likely cold inside/outside. Rarely do we find everyday milieu worthy of a nipple rising. We can control our nipples about as much as men can control penal shrinkage from swimming or bathing in cold water. Wonder Twins, ACTIVATE---um---ATTENTION! ...nothin', nada and not even a quiver or a hardy NOPE. Keep up the rhetoric and women's nips will be erect daily, then what will the censors do? You can't photoshop the nipple away forever, they are a fact of life and the sooner the censorfucktards understand that, the less self conscience women will feel when their nipples choose to get happy.
[links via] At ease.

The Downing Street Memo is slowly but shirley...(heh, I had to do it and don't call me shirley or do, the choice, as always, is yours) making into the Mainstream Media. This is a "good thing" as my favorite felon and fellow anal retentive Martha Stewart would say. Here at the Spew I don't get knee deep in the details of things I post and perhaps I should, but my attention span allows me bursts of creative snark as opposed to laborious and drawn out details you'd rather not read (at least not here). I leave that to other willing and able bloggers that have a more specific point to make about certain things. I, on the otherhand, am not all about politics. I am about the snippets of life that are just enough to make you smile, chortle or wish you'd never landed at my pinko establishment. So with that I give you the daily dish on the DSM (Downing Street Memo), again not to be confused with MSM (main stream media) or MSG (dizzy-puke). All these links I pilfered from Shakespeare's Sister who is politically insync with my beliefs, but her rage is far more readable than my own.
~~After the Downing Street Memo: The Case for Impeachment Builds Yippee~!

~~The Plot Thickens: DSM and Bolton That hairy beast Bolton, snarf.

Okay, so if you don't understand the sitch here, it's simple; a blowjob and lying about the aforementioned blowjob can get you impeached. However, lying about why we had to go to war so you can watch your children die for Bushes Agenda gets you a second term at the 1600. What's wrong with this picture? Yeah, Saddam had to go, but at what cost?

"The world's first chocolate sausage has won a top German chef first prize at the annual Sausage Championships in Berlin.

Joerg Staroske said the idea for the chocolate sausage came to him suddenly after a sleepless night trying to come up with an idea for the contest.

Staroske describes the taste of the sausage, which has orange peel as well as chocolate chip fragments, as "surprisingly different".

The annual Bratwurstmeisterschaft invites Germany's top butchers to display their creations and compete for the prize of Bratwurstmesiter. [via sploid]

Hunger ensues....

If you ever find yourself in a hormonal funk and need to snap the hell out of it, watch Hotel Rwanda. Heck if you have a pimple on your ass named Cleevus, watch Hotel Rwanda. Sure, it kind of makes you feel like shit, but only for a short while,. Mostly I would hope that after watching the movie a curious mind would take 10 minutes out of their life to learn more about the Hutu's and Tutsi's and why they didn't feel they could cohabitate peacefully. Territorial pissing, class warfare and straight up ignorance was the fuel for the fire that is Rwanda. The inability of the U.S. and Europe, let alone the U.N., to interfere with the Rwanda genocide is a shameful pock mark on our collective asses. The movie is fairly fast paced and Don Cheadle is awesome. Watch it and try to understand why it is that the human race seems to keep sticking their fingers in the flame and continues to complain of the pain afterwards, hormonal funk be damned.