"...Then, I took the stage, after a brief, panicked attack by a nervous woman in another black rhinestone confection, likely to have also needed a NU-BRA tm, but I wasn't sure. She accosted me directly before I went on the stage to say "language." I assumed she meant for me to go ahead and speak English.

After about 10 mins. my mic was turned off and the band, comprised of Asian, African-American, and Latino musicians, was hurried on to the stage. They passed me, looking apologetic. "We wish we didn't have to do this," they all said with their eyes as they launched in to a rousing rendition of "Sweet Home Alabama."

Using Lynyrd Skynyrd as a way to ethnically cleanse the stage after I was unconsititutionally censored was the most offensive. I am a huge Skynyrd fan and I consider it unconscionable that they played me off with "Sweet Home Alabama" to give the allusion that they were excising the 'anti-American' element from the stage. Skynyrd and I are on the same side. I am proud of the South. I wish I was from the South. I have spent enough time there to know and love it well. "Sweet Home Alabama" is one of my favorite songs, and it was appalling that they offended me with the greatest band in American history.

I was also offended by the five identical blonde women ready to leap onto the stage after I was turned off. What were they there for? It just proves once again, pussy is not supposed to speak."

Note from Team Cho: We're still trying to figure out where the communication breakdown occurred. What we know is that the President of Omni Hotels ordered the sound guy, Pierre, to turn off the mic after about 10 mins. We were also told that he is a "close personal friend of George W. Bush." Here's some of the brilliant material that appears in the beginning of her new show:

"I was glad to see Rumsfeld at Abu Ghraib prison and then I realized he was not being incarcerated."

"I think the reason they pixilated those pictures is because those Iraqi's have monstrous cocks...and the troops' morale is so low already."

Thing 1.) Buy this book--->Pat The Politician if you though Patting the Bunny was fun as a child, image hours of entertainment patting Pat Robertson's bunny-like belly, pulling on Barabra Bush's white mane and my personal favorite tactile experience is the feeling Bill Clinton's underwear, sadly lacking in a scratch n' sniff option, but nonetheless fun.

An employee of mine pointed out in midst of the re-branding experience from hell (re-branding, the new re-engineering, blah) that we had a whole shelf in the humor section that made fun of American's and the President and she thought that it was a sad state of our society and another employee, who incidentally favors a Coulter/Savage presidential ticket (shiver), felt the same. My diplomatic managerial response was, "If we can't laugh at ourselves, who do we laugh at?", they both walked away from me speechless. Now that was funny. *snap*

Thing 2.) Bestever four letter words the FCC won't fine you for:
Bono, "I know idealism is not playing on the radio right now, you don't see it on TV, irony is on heavy rotation, the knowingness, the smirk, the tired joke. I've tried them all out but I'll tell you this, outside this campus--and even inside it--idealism is under siege beset by materialism, narcissism and all the other isms of indifference. Baggism, Shaggism. Raggism. Notism, graduationism, chismism, I don't know. Where's John Lennon when you need him." Dude, Lennon is so dead, but I get where your coming from. ;)

Thing 3.) No Child left behind *HiCcUp* [Via: DogSnotDiaries] Eat, drink and be merry it's offically another holiday weekend where the majority of American's will do everything but remember those who dedicated their lives so that we in the land of the Free & Brave can barbeque in rain and raise our snarky glasses to celebrate ourselves. Take a few moments for reflection this weekend, the fallen don't ask for much more, they can't, their dead. Godspeed to the troops around the world and Thank You to ALL the Vet's.

You're Skittles!!! You have a very interesting
personality, you're so unique. You're the kind
of person who always thinks outside of the box.
You're also a very accepting individual, and
believe in inner beauty.


Which kind of candy are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

And the winner is the beautiful, gorgeous and freaky lil' boboist, Fantasia! There is a God.

Publishing deals are out there in the blogosphere, I don't smell a thing....sniff. LOL! Woo! Woooohooooo! Ahem, anyhoo, I've gotta get my ass to work and continue on the strategic re-branding scheme my company is putting us through. I spend weeks and days readying the task at hand, it has taken a full week to make the changes and the cash has yet to pour in. Last Friday my boss whizzed through the store stating 'this won't do', 'this can't happen', 'you have to align all these fixtures parallel to each other', 'All stores MUST look the SAME despite the layout, its the future, there will be NO individuality or non-conformity'. Apparently all stores must be blonde haired and blue-eyed from here on out, so after I call all my employee's back to the store this week to make the changes I think we'll celebrate with stripping naked and making a human pyramid and send the picture to my home office as a gesture of thanks for busting our asses this year. I think it will be quite conducive to selling books by bloggers. Shoot me. Have a Super Dandy day.

We think Diana is cute, too cute, chipmunk cheeks cute, her voice grates on my nerves though.....I noticed my whole body tensed up when she sang tonight so I ate a 3 Musketeers Bar (loaded with Carbs). Fantasia, Fantasia, Fantasia, you fucking rocked and if all goes well you'll have a lifetime supply of that C2 crap the Coca Cola Company was shoving down our collective throats tonight, but I celebrated your excellent performance with a cup of Bean and Bacon soup. That lil' cup O'soup was chock full of carbs. Now some of you may have noticed that I ate the candy before the soup, good observation.

On that note dear readers, I'll leave you with the what happens to a political culturist, of sorts and an office romper, of sorts, during a drinking interview, of sorts. I give you the Antic's of Muses. Good Night!

Dear Nordstrom's,

Your sales clerk was a supreme cunt when I asked her if they had any pants that would cover my ass crack. Please help.

Sincerely,

Humble Chick

Not all of us in this world care to show off our bodies via Britney and Christina style and what the fuck is so sexy about a sweaty ass crack? Keep in mind that most people can't pull off the whole 'skin as a fashion statement' thing, its for the greater good. Kudos to Ella the 11 year old that questioned Nordstrom's fashion choices for youthful young grrrrrls and kudos for Nordstrom's for responding.

"You are not here merely to make a living. You are here in
order to enable the world to live more amply, with greater
vision, with a finer spirit of hope and achievement. You are
here to enrich the world, and you impoverish yourself if you
forget the errand."

Woodrow Wilson

Austrailian Stamps, this ought to piss off a literary muggle or thousands...heh.
[Via: boing,boing]

We love her because she's smart, funny as fuck and had the balls to out herself in a sitcom. We love you Ellen because you came back to us after your sitcom was canceled. How couldn't we love your adorable ass? Congratulations on your Emmy win, you deserve it completely! Daytime television is a far better place because of your show and we thank you. As for the rest of the Emmy broadcast which I only watched snippets of due to my overwhelming exhaustion and itchy channel flipping finger, it sucked much ass. Days Of Our Lives wasn't nominated enough, if at all, why watch what you don't care about? But, I did see Ellen win her award and that made me happy to see her happy and to see her Mother and brother so proud of her, it was terrific to see Ms. DeGeneres smooch her girlfriend before excepting the award and proudly so. Ellen is what success is all about when your true to yourself. Woooofuckinghoooo Ms. Thang!

Its here, its queer and it has a grand opening tomorrow. The new Library in Seattle is art in itself. We like it strange here in the Pacific Northwest and the new library designed by Rem Koolhaas is ready for its reveal, "Koolhaas' library has high-tech brains and a retro-futurist heart. It is not part of the dare-to-be-dull business core. Instead, it hangs its hat with other Seattle audacities, from the Space Needle and the Flash Gordon monorail to Frank Gehry's Experience Music Project and the Fremont Troll sulking under the Aurora bridge".

We are just too hip for words up north and the my next visit downtown will be specifically to view the colorful and unique building full of books. A few months ago I was given a tour of a local book distributor Partners/West, on entering the stock room I got girly boobie boners, I was completely in heaven and tried to touch as many books as possible, so, you can imagine the orgasmic pleasure of a new library for me, I hope I survive.

I don't visit libraries much, If I touch the book and like the book, the book must be mine, so I'm all about book stores, but the new Library is a work of architectural genius and must be visited. Seattle is proud and smart city, even the transients that make the library their daily home will have what I do not, a broadband internet connection, now that's hip.

I wasn't aware that Gmail was such a hot commodity. I have an account that I delete spam from every other day or so, I'm in the 'in', I'z gotz da gewds....I ride the short bus....my Gmail is the contact address for this site I've received two personal emails at this address, I'm officially in demand!! =P [Via: Biz]

Andy Kaufman's return? Duped? He said he'd return 20 years after his death and he has, probably much to his dismay. Mr. Kaufman returns with a Blogger Blog (how very bloggity) and gazillions if not hundreds of people are commenting. Welcome back, your dream was your ticket out....and your ticket back! If this is indeed Andy I wish you luck back in the mainstream. If its not Andy, your 15 minutes is a tickin'.

Evidence of a Modern Union of sorts. I went to Neener's in Tacoma with Pie, Rob and My pwecious Melissa to watch Rob's new band Modern Union perform their first gig on Saturday. It was a fun night, good music and beer was had by all. And the truth is out, not only do I have non-partisan breasts but um...I have a heiny on them as well. *Cheers* ;)

Why is it that Janet Jackson's boob's insight congressional hearings and John Kerry's daughter's boobage make me think of the famous Sesame Street song..."One of these things is not like the other, one of these things just doesn't belong", but they also make me think about the impending election. When the fuck did breasts become political? Was it when we started burning our bra's? Personally, I have non-partisan breasts, well actually one breast is right and one is left. I have a elephant and an ass on my chest and damn if I don't feel sexy. It's kinda like the much rumored Kerry/McCain ticket that won't happen because they'd just keep canceling each other out. Wait, my boobs cancel each other out? Hrmmm, okay, enough with the existential bullshit already, there is no boob. YOU are the BOOB. Alrighty, I'm the boob, not Janet, not Kerry's daughters (another song comes to mind, can't stop....."do your boobs hang low, do they swing to and fro"...whew, I hate when that happens) Colin Powell's aide Emily is the Boob of the week and she didn't have to flash them balls o' wonder...anyhoo, what I'm saying is that breasts have amazing politcal power and that makes me proud to be female and American. [linkage Via The Old Hag, not her boobs, just her blog]

And there you have it, I've wasted my only free morning this week, I'm off to the blissful hell of pimping books. Have a Boobilicious Day!

I've moved around every section in my bookstore, not an easy task by any means, but it had to be done. A fresh new look to coincide with every other store in the chain, the higher ups call it corporate branding, I call it hell as not all sections are in place and there are piles of books everywhere and the children's section is all in boxes! I'm sure customers will be dumbfounded and sales will be shitty until we get it looking like a bookstore again. I hurt and extensive overtime will wipe out the hours allocations for weeks to come. Expect little from me this week as it hurts to even type this....ugh....*splat* =P

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4.
"they were--a transience that was yet eternal life, a per-..." Aldous Huxley's The Doors of Perception Heaven and Hell.

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first?
My backpack. My dusty recumbent bicycle, I really should polish the seat with my ass and pedal the little bitch again...hmmm.

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV? Hannah and Her Sister's--Woody Allen, viewed on PBS.

4. WITHOUT LOOKING, can you guess what the time is? Noonish.

5. Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?
12:10=noonish...mmmkay.

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear? Birds, planes, and the pool guy....the cats just ripped the shit out of each other and my kitchen sink is dripping, drip ping....drip....drip...ommmmmmmmm, ommmmm.

7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing? About a half hour ago....took out the garbage, good times!

8. Before you came to this website, what did you look at? This....love it!

9. What are you wearing? A red teddy and fishnets...BAHAHAH..pink and green striped pajama bottoms, pink long sleeved shirt and a rusty chastity belt or I need to change my undies, LMFAO....alrighty. =P

10. Did you dream last night? Every night without fail, some freaky, some premonitions, some full of love and the occasional death dream, which usually means my cat is sleeping on my face.

11. When did you last laugh? A few minutes ago at myself, I'm a crude yet amusing wench...lol.

12. What is on the walls of the room you are in? Assorted Michelangelo prints from the Sistine Chapel, Cherubs, and an ancient Vogue Mirror my sister gave me as a teen and assorted other oddities.

13. Seen anything weird lately?
"John Ashcroft should go after "evildoers" and stop bothering American porn producers and stars--people who make and sell a product that inspires American men to higher levels of ejaculation and, thus, lower levels of prostate cancer."--The ever gorgeous Dan Savage.

14. What do you think of this quiz? I think its successfully wasting time better spent doing something else!

15. What is the last film you saw? In a movie theater? Oh god....um...Timeline?

16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first? The house on the waterfront in Redondo, I dreamt of it and in my dream I walked inside of it, viewed every room and made mental notes, its nothing fancy but the view of Puget Sound is loverly and it will, by the grace of God be mine, one day, when I am a freakin' multi-millionaire. It will happen, I don't know how, but it will. Donations accepted.

17. Can you tell something about you that no one knows? Tempting, but um....no. ;)

18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do? There would be one gracious and loving God and spirituality would reign supreme over religion.

19. Do you like to dance? What are we drinking?

20. George Bush: is he a power-crazy nut case or some one who is finally doing something that has needed to be done for years? I honestly feel he is a simple man with ultimately good intentions and you know what they say about good intentions, they give you a rash.

21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her? Apple errrr....that one is taken...um....Lily Rose.

22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him? Zakariah

23. Would you ever consider living abroad? I am a broad, so um...I'm the perfect example of living abroad, 'cause that's what broads like me do.

Via; Shots & Giggles

I'm delirious and with that you get a rare 'late in the evening' post. Blogger didn't lose my post as first thought, whew....I don't know what was up, but its all better now.

I wasn't aware that my comments weren't working until that sassy wench Casey emailed to let me know. And I just thought I was unworthy of comments this week, who would have thought Haloscan updated their service, not moi. Anyhoo, all is now well and I have trackback to boot! I'm tired from having to work late and hearing the endless comments....what are you doing here so late? I work one late shift a week, that's enough....I don't like the evening customers or the Saturday customers, they rub me the wrong way or something, if they rubbed the right way I'd be far happier to be there.

I'm boycotting all Passive/Aggressive people in my life from here on out! I'm done with the bullshit and done with the crazy fucks, it sucks too much of my energy. I have some issues at work I'm trying to remedy with just being straight up and some people aren't liking it, such is life. Snarf. Ok, I'm gone.com, have a brilliant tomorrow, I will. ;)

I lost my post for the day and I don't have time to fucking rewrite it...so fuck it. It was brilliant, trust me.

1.) Signs: Coincidences, capitalism and death. Nick Berg's family blames the Bush administration, yet, Bush didn't send him there, he went to make enormous amounts of war money contractors get when they rebuild countries. The fickle hand of fate tried to forewarn him: It happened in 1999, when Berg was at the University of Oklahoma and Moussaoui was enrolled at a nearby flight school, allegedly training to be an Al Qaeda hijacker.

After Moussaoui came under scrutiny in the Sept. 11, 2001, terror attacks, the FBI discovered he had Berg's university E-mail password. If that would have happend to me, I would have stayed miles away from that hell they call Iraq. But then being in telecommunications and having an opportunity to make big bucks in the rebuilding of Iraq was too much to resist for Nick Berg. Following fate? Did he not have a gut feeling something would go wrong? Did our own Government have a hand in his death? Whatever the case, well wishes to his family, but I hope they understand that despite the odds it was Nick who chose to go there, even when he was given a sign years prior. Trust your gut people!

2.) "This is was what we become when nothings real": Brutal and brilliant animations always make my day. [Via: tmftml]

3.) Linens & Things: I bought new sheets at the Bon-Macy's yesterday, they are gray, they are jersy knit and they are fabulous! I slept like a baby, basically I woke in a puddle of drool.

4.) Goodnight Seattle: Frasier ended its 11 year run last night and although I don't feel the show put Seattle on the map as much as the producers were following a demographic trend, it certainly made Seattlites proud to have a smart and funny sitcom representing our smart and funny city. Goodnight Frasier, we'll see you in another year or two whe NBC tires of that reality based bullshit.

5.) Bill Clinton is back: Hillary is the front and John Kerry wishes he could complete the democratic sandwich.

"....I vowed never to write another word unless it became necessary for people, again, to shut the hell up. Now, several naked pyramids of Iraqi prisoners later, that time is nigh." *giggle, slap, giggle*

Via BS

Lotoya got the boot last night because Americans and their fickle fingering of their phones buttons opted for the out of sync, out of tune and the Queen of pitchy Jasmine. God Damn retards. Honestly I never saw Latoya as the idol but I do see her making a career in music, I probably won't buy the music but she's good. Jasmine got the sympathy vote because Simon made the little girl cry. There is a reason Simon is so successful people, think about it. Diana Degarmo was a little powerhouse this week and I know how we Americans like to embrace young muscial dynamo's until their showing their ass crack off on the cover of the Enquirer and wearing a Kabbalah bracelet, but enough is enough already, one Britney over the edge is all I can handle. Fantasia is the Idol, but then again this is a country that created fucking Velveeta cheese, real cheese wasn't good enough so lets add a shitload of chemicals and give it a shelf life of 30 years and call it a dairy product.

West Wing was on the same time as Idol so I predominately watched that. I knew there had to be a reason for bringing back John Amos' retired Admiral Fitzwallace character, he had to die for ratings and to make sure the ratings were high he died when his car was bombed while in Gaza. I don't understand the whole Palestine/Israel bullshit, and yes its bullshit power mongering, but the West Wing producers tried to show a confused America what its all about over there and sadly its all about religion and real estate and it may never have resolution, stubborn fools I say, ratings for West Wing NBC says. I watched as the gorgeous John Amos was again killed off another top rated television show (Heart attack on Good Times)sigh. Next week is the season ending cliff hanger with assistant Donna Moss' life in the balance...she is NO Fitzwallace but her banter with Josh Lyman is annoying and amusing, lets hope she sticks around for next season.

Capitalism at its worst? Cute, kinda. Stupid, indeed. Collectible, of course. I've just finished reading Jennifer Government and this is right in line with the whole premise of the book, we are gluttons, fashionable gluttons, but gluttons none the less. *eye roll* =P

I'm not sure how beheading an American soldier equals humiliating naked detainees, this whole mess is fueling the ignorant terrorists who hate us with such a passion that their willing to lob off heads, burn and hang Americans because we are materialistic and have cable t.v., argh. The images of the beheading can be found on the Drudge report, they are brutal, horrific and bloody medieval. What's even more tragic is that this young man went to Iraq in search of work, now that's pretty fucked up when you have to go to a war zone for work.

God is not a human entity and could never dictate such a brutal death, yeah God may choose to impale you with a tree limb during a storm or take out the west coast via an unlikely 10.5, but since God is not of human form and has no mouth or lips, therefore could not have possibly ordered this decapitation. The God of the terrorists is their fucking egos and if these morons could for one moment rise above the shit shoved down their throats all their lives, they would see how just how blatantly uncivil and savage they are in the name of God.

Upon seeing my sunburned face, the lady ringing up my purchase of Aloe lotion could only grimace and repeat "ow, ooch, golly, ow". "How'd it happen?"..and so it begins..."center field Safeco Field, Yankees vs. Mariners" I responded. She takes my money and thanks me for my purchase and gives me one final "ooch". I thought this would be how the remainder of my workday would progress, people looking at me like I had the plague, but fortunately the sunburn started its mutation into a tan with only the tip of the nose and forehead remained red. A young lady walked into the store and I ask her if she needs any assistance, she says no and keeps looking, then she spots my assistant returning to the cashwrap and immediately runs up to the counter and asks if we're hiring. Alrighty, she must have feared the redface redhead. My assistant is older than me yes, and she dresses professionally where as I'm a khaki's, Chuck Taylor kinda girl and yeah, I wear enough silver some days to sink an ocean liner or two, but people never think I'm the one in charge. Maybe it was the sunburn or maybe as my neighbor pointed out that the red in my face matched my hair causing the illusion that I had no face and it scared the young girl, oh well, I'm not hiring anyways. =P

Well hells bells! Blogger went and changed everything....change is good. I can't wait to dig around and see what's new.

True to form the Mariner's lost yesterday leaving my 7 year niece Hanna in tears. She LOVES the Mariner's and despite having an early 6 run lead, the Yankee's just smacked that shit back at us (7-6). My mother took it better than Hanna did and I tried to console her with the fact there will be other games and we'll go see them again and if they lose the next time, Auntie will personally go down on the field and bitchslap them until they understand the meaning of teamwork! Hanna giggled although she thought that was mean, I responded with: Mean? I'm not mean, I'm motivational! And I also live in a van, down by the river! (Chris Farley, fooney). Also, I would like to thank the sun for making an appearance yesterday. I am a vibrant shade of red, call me Crispy Cupie, the agony...=P

Instead of Brunch we're off to 'boo' the hell out of ARod and the Yankee's at Safeco Field today the series is tied 1-1. It's SoDo Mojo Time! And to all the Mothers out there, thanks for breeding so I don't have to!!! ;)

Mom: I am going to be so pissed if we lose to the Yankees on a day I am there when I should be in bed nursing my old back I will not take it well.
Be Afraid be very afraid.

Me: LOL, someone better warn them..

Mom: NO S___ Sherlock

Alrighty then, today should be fun, gulp....ttfn! ;)

Whoa.

Performance art? Novel? Chapter two is on Bob's left thigh and chapter three is on Alice's right shoulder blade. Author of the much acclaimed hypertext novel Patchwork Girl Shelly Jackson is in the progress of a new effort, a short story named 'Skin', the catch here is that volunteers are needed to complete the work. These volunteers must tattoo one word and punctuation marked chosen by the author on their body, take a picture, sign and send to Jackson.

"I was always fascinated by the idea of alternative publications and not many authors have ever attempted alternative ways of publishing," Jackson said. "Publishers are not interested in conceptual art."

Author Neal Pollack, who has mastered publicity stunts with his literature, agrees.

"One doesn't do something like Shelley did to get noticed," said Pollack, whose first book tour mocked literary conventions with readings at train stations and baseball stadiums. On his last tour, Pollack peddled his work through live punk rock shows.

I know what your thinking, its hard enough carrying a hardcover book on the bus to work let alone hundreds of tattooed strangers (ponders Braille edition....), but I'm sure that Ms. Jackson will offer the project via her homepage or some other cyber source and when its finished I'll be one of the first to be reading it.

John Kerry's a douchebag and this guy is voting for him anyways. Why is the 'doucebag' so freaking derogatory? Oh yeah, because we don't really need to douche out the wonder walls like they told our mothers to do. To each their own, but nature takes care of its own and unless you have an abnormally stinky um....BUSH, you need a good douche like Kerry to wash the stink away.

Link via VBB

"They're committing war crimes - attacking a country that hasn't attacked us. Pretending it had. And torturing prisoners and filling countless graves with dead Iraqis. But adroit, sure. Al Capone was adroit."

The pop-culture icon added dismissively: "I don't care how Bush does, because I don't believe him. He believes himself, and that's what is quite terrifying."

As for Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld and his deputy Paul Wolfowitz, they're the ones "who allowed this torture to go on, kept it secret since January. These are war crimes," Vonnegut said. "I dealt with prisoners when I was a soldier. We sure didn't torture them - we were well aware of the Geneva Convention. I myself became a prisoner" of the Germans as an Army corporal in Dresden during World War II.

"It's my country, not theirs," he continued lashing the Bushies. "And they've trashed the reputation of Americans. ... It's possible to destroy a great civilization. Bush and those people have no love for it at all."

And that is why I love Vonnegut!

Link Via: Bookslut

1.) Why did you enjoy Friday Five? After a long work week it was nice to have something mindless to spew about.

2.) Can you survive without Friday Five? Of course, I spew therefore I am, but it will make Friday's far less interesting in the Blogosphere.

3.) What were your favorite Friday Five's? All the ones about me, me, me.... *stares in mirror*

4.) What will you do in lieu of no more Friday Five's? Doesn't it bother this 'Lieu' person when all these people are in her? Fridays from here on out will have Five's for Friday....Five things that are on my mind and need to spew about.

5.) What do you have to say to the creators of Friday Five? Thanks for the memories and universally aligning bloggers thoughts and although I read very few posts from other bloggers It was fun to participate while it lasted. Rest in peace.

War was never meant to be fun or pretty. War is bloody and as close to hell on earth as we'll ever see. In this day of technology and immediate results all the images of war our in our face literally minutes after its happened leading us to critic and analyze the events from our own perspective. The atrocities performed by our soldiers towards the Iraqi detainees is appalling and embarrassing. I first saw the pictures on the Yahoo wire a few days ago and I was shocked and pissed and I said nothing. I said nothing when Iraqi insurgents mutilated the four independent American contractors although I was sickened by the act. I was for the ousting Saddam so that the Iraqi people could finally be free of a tyrant, that mission is accomplished but in attempting to bring democracy to the religious ilk of the Middle East we falter, our troops over extended and tired. The attempts to stabilize the manic insurgents some days seem futile. The soldiers that acted like pompous asswipes at the prison will indeed be disciplined, conduct unbecoming is never a good thing to be tagged with and they will live with their shame for the rest of their lives. I'm sure they thought they were justified in their actions, but they are representing the United States of America and all they succeeded in doing is representing the depraved fuckwits in our country. American fuckwits that starve their own children, beat their own children, kill their wives, kill their coworkers, in this country we don't tolerate that behavior towards any living thing..That is why this whole scenario has shocked our country.

I speak now because I'm appalled at the current situation, but, I can guarantee you that more heinous acts have been done in this war, acts of which we will never see or know about. Yes we are outraged, yes the Middle East (pardon my massive generalization) hates us even more now although they of course are guilty of the same crimes, but as Americans we are rightly held to a higher standard. There are rarely any winners in war, the body counts alone tell us that, but War is not a civil chess game, it is more likened to the Wizard Chess of the Harry Potter books (yeah, that should make the literary snobs hork a nag...Hew), in Wizard Chess there is a take no prisoners attitude and civility is no where to be found in the quest for the 'Win'. As long as humanity exists there will always be war, history shows us that, it would be super fucking duper if that wasn't true but it is true to man's nature. Bush bitchslapped Rumsfield and corrective actions towards the offending soldiers are being taken. We need to get back on course immediately, take the effective and humane measures to pass the democratic torch to the Iraqi's in hopes it will make the world a stronger and better place.
"War does not determine who is right - only who is left."
-Bertrand Russell

I LOVE CANDY. I love the chocolate candy most and author Steve Almond's new release is a reflection of freaks like me. Candyfreak is a cross country adventure into the fabulous world of confections. I'm looking forward to reading it and revisiting the candy of my youth and examining the politics of making to the candy rack in your local store. Mr. Almond is interviewed at 3 a.m. magazine and discusses one of my personal favorites I can't find anymore, the horror. Asked what was the strangest candy he'd come across he states....
"I'm going to go with the Idaho Spud, which is just totally bizarre and wonderful on so many levels. To begin with, it's shaped like a half potato. The inside is this special marshmallow that's made with a seaweed derivative called agar agar, rather than gelatin, and has a tofu-like consistency. The marshmallow is flavored with maple and cocoa, which gives it this grayish color, which a lot of folks find disconcerting. The filling is enrobed in chocolate, then sprinkled with coconut. Even stranger: the Spud used to be shaped like a whole potato. The two halves were stuck together with milk chocolate. The old timers around Boise, where the bar is made, still complain about the new fangled half spud." Sounds a little gross when you read it, but there is nothing like them in the world, tre' yummay! Spud ME baybeee! Have a loverly day!

Link Via: Bookslut

What Kind of Drunk Are You?
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Via: Lizzie and yes, I can't think for myself tonight.

An article on New York cartoonists, via the NYT's (skip the evil ad), entitled "Sex With Einstein? Yes, in The New Yorker". All things are possible in print and post mortem sex with a braniac can apparently last the speed of light. New Yorker cartoons are either hysterically funny or just plain stupid, but mostly timely and subjective. Being a cartoonist is not an easy job, like other careers, you have to be two steps ahead of the game, and being smart and savvy are critical if you want your audience to be amused. You have to be up on current event and social science (a blogger, hardy har..snarf). Throughout the years The New Yorker has been known for its cartoon's, It's far easier to view the little blocks of hand drawn amusements than to read the pretentious bullshit it prints at times, but that could just be me, I'll ride the short bus just to wear the helmet sometimes. Having the very accommodating adult ADD, like many I know, If you don't grab me in the first paragraph, I'm outta of there. What will keep me coming back time and time again is humor and sometimes the cartoons in the New Yorker are brilliant and sometimes they are just mindless moronic filler. For the most part it is the cartoons that keep me coming back to the The New Yorker, so it is beyond fabulous to see the cartoonists finally get some well deserved recognition, they make that rag.

Link via in a roundabout way from The Old Hag herself.

American Idle........I love Big Band music....so I hoped that I would be thrilled. Two songs from each contestant. Fantasia shined one more time and LoToya finally impressed me, George seems to be fading fast and Miss DeGarmo was cute. Oh yeah and Jasmine sang too, she's cute and all, but um......I was less than thrilled.

Eighth Wonder Of the World Demystified: Take a couple of self righteous geeks, give them a Magic Eight Ball, some tools, an afternoon and the results are "Outlook Not So Good". It's a toy, you asschimps, so what if it dictates my decision making process, you didn't have to rip the shit out of it. arrrgh.

I think someone stole me brain......More news Later. =P

They say that life begins at 40 for women. I'm good with that and its about fucking time. You think you know everything in your 20's, but ya don't. You kinda have a grasp on things in your 30's, but you still feel, well, in your 30's. Today I enter the early years of middle age. Born in 1964, the tale of the Boomer Generation, the beginning of the Generation X, the end result is that I'm apathetic with a solid work ethic. I may not be rich, but I have a great family, good friends and I work at a job I love, not so bad.

I've been playing down the whole milestone aspect of today, declining a big party and opting for more intimate dinners with friends and family. When I hit 50 I expect a huge party that would put Oprah's to shame, but for now I just want to gracefully enter another decade of life. In print I will remain 39 for aesthetic purposes, the world embraces youth & beauty like a drug the silly fools, but if you were to ask my age I'll proudly state that I'm 40.

Aging hasn't been a joyride, the drama of the first gray pubic hair was enough to send me into a week long depression, I thought it was a thread from my Lady Jockey's and pulled it, ow....gasp and wtf?....(they really should tell you that shit), but now that I'm at the big 4-0 its easier to accept them. I expect great things in my 40's, I expect to date Ashton Kutcher anytime now and I'm really looking forward to the power orgasms they say come with this age. Submit all applictions to the email in the left column...lol...or not.

I did have a minor panic attack last night, fearing that my cats would suffocate me and I'd die in my sleep and wouldn't see this day at all, but that's what good neurotic does, fester over the little things until you pass out. Thankfully, I did awake, the panic passed. It's the day I was born into this wild world and although my hips are failing, I have very few wrinkles, and yeah, I die my hair to cover the gray, but I wouldn't call that denial, I'd call that color me beautiful, pigment is good. All in all it's just another year of life and that is the greatest gift.

Pardon me while I throw my ovaries at the Bush administration. Brilliant work there you silly fuckwits.

Via: Ratboy's Anvil

retail leakage n. The loss of local retail sales that occurs when people shop in an area other than the one in which they live.

Living in a city littered with strip malls, and one big ass lame *being remodeled* mall, I would like to thank all the consumers in my city for making this word exsist. If it keeps up we'll have to diaper the bitch. Leakage, be it a drip or dribble, is never a good thing. Wipe your chin dear..... ;)

Mission Accomplished, not so much. It's getting uglier everyday, all in the name of God? Can I get a Amen.....alrighty...or not.

Wake up Neo, your maker is shape shifting and damn if we all thought Michael Jackson was the twisted bitch.

Larry to be muy Linda?


Better stop calling them the Wachowski brothers. We hear "Matrix" co-creator Larry Wachowski is ready for the sex-change operation that will finalize his conversion to a woman named Linda.

Last May, he wore women's earrings at "The Matrix Reloaded" premiere. At the time, the estranged husband of an alleged Los Angeles dominatrix told newspapers that Wachowski was a client of his wife. The source said he had seen Larry "in her bondage room...lying there in a dress, no panties and a blond wig."

Several "longtime friends" say Larry - who is in the middle of a divorce with his wife, Thea Bloom - is now ready for the operation, reports the Chicago Sun Times.

The agent for Larry and his brother and collaborator, Andy Wachowski, did not return calls yesterday.

Sometimes you just have to be yourself, some may not like it, some may want to date it, above all else ya gotta be yourself if you want to be happy. Let's just hope he'll be happy in his new skin, or rather, HER new skin. Does money buy happiness? Yes, and a freshly refurbished Vagina. Good luck dudette.

Yeah, so it's just her autograph in a book, but it is quite amazing the things found in thrift shops. One person's trash is another persons treasure and potential profitable eBay auction. Now, if some of my gazillions of autographed books would be so kind as to appreciate in the same way, I'd be thankful...mmmkay? *stares at masses of books* =P